THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 25, 2016
More Merciless Mockery
At this morning’s meeting of the Conservative Agenda, Political Insiders were all talking about the political passion in Ohio for “Early Voting.”
In Tuesday’s E-dition (published on Monday), we said all those Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span, Free-Stuff Grabbing, Low-Information Obama Supporters Who Put The Positively Worst President in History In The White House—Twice, and get all of their information from our Obama Supporters in the Press, like the ones on Channel 5, would rather ride to downtown Cincinnati on a bus and stand in line for three hours to vote, rather than mailing in absentee ballots.
Tattling Troublemaker Tino Delgato he could hardly wait log on to The Fishwrap and see pictures of long lines of these same stupid people who hadn’t yet figured out it’s cheaper to mail in an absentee ballot to vote early, instead of walking to their conveniently located neighborhood polling places on Election Day.
Tino says, “Yesterday, I got my absentee ballot in the mail. It took a whole 10 minutes or so to fill out. If one only had to check the boxes versus fill them in (paint) it would take two minutes. So why does anyone stand in any line to vote? A few states now use mail almost exclusively in voting versus precinct voting. Imagine the savings on setup and tear down of voting machines, precinct workers, and the ability to tabulate votes over time versus having to do that all in one day. Go Figure!!!”
Meanwhile, with only 19 more days until Ohio’s March 15 Primary Elections, if everybody voted by mail, Dunkin Donuts sales would be down on Election Day due to no precinct workers free breakfast. The Hamilton County Board of Elections hires six senior citizens to do what one person should be able to do. What would those old folks do? Maybe they could all meet at Dunkin Donuts.
There’d be no “I Voted Today” stickers. There’d be no bothersome peddlers outside the voting precincts. There’d be no exit interviews. There’d be no voting hours of operation. And best of all, there’d be no dumbed-down DemocRAT voters whining about standing in line. 
How Would We Ever Find a Way to Say Something Sarcastic?
SARCASM FOR DUMMIES says when somebody asks you a question, first think of an honest answer. Then think of the opposite of it. Then say it out loud and roll your eyes. See how easy that is?
OUR EGREGIOUS ETYMOLOGIST says anyone who has suffered from the sarcastic remarks of others will not be too surprised to learn that sarcasm, “a cutting remark,” comes from a Greek verb, sarkazein, that literally means “to tear flesh like a dog.”
OUR SARCASTIC QUOTE FOR TODAY COMMITTEE says Stephen Bishop must’ve been thinking about the Obama Administration when he said, “It’s a catastrophic success.”
BARACK OBAMA, WARRIOR PRESIDENT says he’d rather be dealing all of his crises and scandals than attending DNC Fundraisers.
WHISTLEBLOWER POLLSTER RON RASMUSSEN says with only 257 more days until the THE GREAT UNDO ELECTION in 2016, “Americans will be looking for the same kind of lying elected officials steeped in scandal and hypocrisy, because after eight disastrous years of failed promises and deceptions from Obama and Congress, everybody agrees there is no need for Real Change at the White House and in Congress.” No sarcasm there!
HILLARY THE LIAR says, “I don’t know why everybody’s asking me if I’m telling the truth.”
DONALD TRUMP says, “I don’t want to blow up the Republican Party. I just want to be their nominee.”
OHIO GOVERNOR JOHN KASICH says, “I really don’t understand why everybody’s asking me to drop out of the Presidential Race.”
SODOMY RITES ACTIVISTS BEN DOVER, PHIL MCKREVIS AND CINCINNAT CLOWN-CIL GAY CHRIS SQUEALBACK say they will find it difficult to chose between Rob “Fighting for Faggotry” Portman and former Gayvener Strickland in next year’s Ohio Senate Race.
HAMILTON COUNTY REPUBLICAN COMMISSIONER CANDIDATE ANDY PAPPAS says, “Of course the Hamilton County RINO Party is paying for my trip with Alex T. to attend the Republican Debate in Houston tonight.”
DEMOCRAT FUNDRAISER NATHAN “CORNBREAD” SMITH says he plans to hold a fund-raiser for Hillary amid his Mobile Home Park sewage and stench when she comes to Kentucky to campaign.
“CRAZY ERIC” DETERS says, “I’m sure the Trump campaign really checked out my background before they let me by Donald Trump’s Campaign Chairman in Northern Kentucky.”
ALSO AT THIS MORNING SARCASM SEMINAR, when Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane was asked if The Blower could wait until October to celebrate National Sarcasm Month, Kane said, “I’m not sure if we ever could say sarcastic things about people.” How true. We’ve always prided ourselves on telling the Absolute Truth, especially since our Garrulous Grammarian says using sarcastic language is intended to make its victim the butt of contempt or ridicule.
The Sarcasm Society* says
There is nothing more beautiful than sarcasm. That is definitely an overstatement but it should balance the moronic comment which says that sarcasm is the lowest form of humor. Now, whoever made that statement was desperately in need of a rectal broomstick extraction procedure.
Sarcasm usually requires a quick wit, and the ability to extract the minutest points of weakness in a conversation. So it is quite unlikely that it is the lowest form of humor as some would like to call it. Perhaps not being able to enjoy sarcasm is directly related to not having the ability to come up with sarcastic comments, which in turn creates a feeling of inadequacy, which in turn can spawn a Napoleon complex, that can cause someone to logicise that sarcasm is the humor of the stupid.
Now I know what most of you are going to say, and I cannot wait to hear from each and every one of you.
*It is really just one guy.
SARCASM ALERT HOTLINE
e-mail your cutting comments today.
Some really sarcastic items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally really sarcastic subscribers.
More Sarcastic E-Cards
WHISTLEBLOWER VIDEO OF THE DAY
How To Be Sarcastic
PLUS
(Sent in by The Sarcasm Society, because they really, really value your opinion.)
Note: We guarantee iPhone subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.
