FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 12, 2016
Being Number Two Is Almost Like Winning (Except It Isn’t)
This week everybody’s talking about Ohio Governor John Kasich’s BFD second-place finish in Tuesday night’s New Hampshire Republican Presidential Primary. “He spent 64 days (including an estimated $10 million or so in ads, mostly run by a super-pac) conducting town meetings all over the Granite State,” Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane explained. “He certainly should’ve gotten more than a crappy 16% of the vote. And you really had to laugh when Kasich’s cheerleaders at The Fishwrap claimed Kasich’s win in Dixville Notch vaulted him into “GOP Prominence,” whatever the hell that’s supposed to mean.
That’s why our Quote for Today Committee chose Bobby Unser’s “Nobody remembers who finished second but the guy who finished second.”
Now Let’s Meet Today’s Guest Editor:
Why, it’s none other than Buzz Aldrin (born Edwin Eugene Aldrin, Jr., January 20, 1930), an American engineer and former astronaut, and the second person to walk on the Moon. He was the Lunar Module Pilot on Apollo 11, the first manned lunar landing in history. All of which is pretty damn special, except because he was the second man to walk on the moon, you have to Google “Second Man To Walk On the Moon” to find out who he was.
That’s why The Blower, which takes pride in rewarding people who really accomplish something even though they came in second to be this week’s guest editor and choose three items plus a Quickie for today’s E-dition from our Current Cadre of Conservative Columnists and Contributors. and our Quote for Today Committee chose Buzz Aldrin’s Shocking Revelation at Spike TV’s Guys Choice Awards: “Tang Sucks!”
“A COUNTRY FOUNDED BY GENIUSES BUT RUN BY IDIOTS” by Jeff Foxworthy
If you can get arrested for hunting or fishing without a license, but not for entering and remaining in the country illegally — you might live in a nation that was founded by geniuses but is run by idiots.
If you have to get your parents’ permission to go on a field trip or to take an aspirin in school, but not to get an abortion — you might live in a nation that was founded by geniuses but is run by idiots.
If you MUST show your identification to board an airplane, cash a check, buy liquor, or check out a library book and rent a video, but not to vote for who runs the government — you might live in a nation that was founded by geniuses but is run by idiots.
If the government wants to prevent stable, law-abiding citizens from owning gun magazines that hold more than ten rounds, but gave twenty F-16 fighter jets to the crazy radical Islamist leaders in Egypt (before they got kicked out) — you might live in a nation that was founded by geniuses but is run by idiots.
If, in the nation’s largest city, you can buy two 16-ounce sodas, but not one 24-ounce soda, because 24-ounces of a sugary drink might make you fat — you might live in a nation that was founded by geniuses but is run by idiots.
If an 80-year-old woman or a three-year-old girl who is confined to a wheelchair can be strip-searched by the TSA at the airport, but a woman in a burka or a hijab is only subject to having her neck and head searched — you might live in a nation that was founded by geniuses but is run by idiots.
If your government believes that the best way to eradicate trillions of dollars of debt is to spend trillions more — you might live in a nation that was founded by geniuses but is run by idiots.
If a seven-year-old boy can be thrown out of school for saying his teacher is “cute,” but hosting a sexual exploration or diversity class in grade school is perfectly acceptable — you might live in a nation that was founded by geniuses but is run by idiots.
If hard work and success are met with higher taxes and more government regulation and intrusion, while not working is rewarded with Food Stamps, WIC checks, Medicaid benefits, subsidized housing, and free cell phones — you might live in a nation that was founded by geniuses but is run by idiots.
If the government’s plan for getting people back to work is to provide incentives for not working, by granting 99 weeks of unemployment checks, without any requirement to prove that gainful employment was diligently sought, but couldn’t be found — you might live in a nation that was founded by geniuses but is run by idiots.
If you pay your mortgage faithfully, denying yourself the newest big-screen TV, while your neighbor buys iPhones, time shares, a wall-sized do-it-all plasma screen TV and new cars, and the government forgives his debt when he defaults on his mortgage — you might live in a nation that was founded by geniuses but is run by idiots.
If being stripped of your Constitutional right to defend yourself makes you more “safe” according to the government — you might live in a nation that was founded by geniuses but is run by idiots.
What a country!
“A LIBERAL PARADISE” by Sheriff Joe Arpaio, Maricopa County Sheriff’s Office, Phoenix, Arizona
A “Liberal Paradise” is a place where…
- Everybody has guaranteed employment
2. Free comprehensive health care
3. Free education
4. Free food
5. Free housing
6. Free clothing
7. Free utilities
8. And only Law Enforcement has guns!
Believe it or not, such a place does indeed exist!
It’s called “PRISON!
AND A QUICKIE from Fox News
I rear-ended a car this morning on the work And there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny?
Well I couldn’t believe it. He was a DWARF!!! He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, “I AM NOT HAPPY!!!” So, I looked down at him and said, “Well, then which one are you?” And that’s how the fight started…..
These items are perfect to forward to all of your Internet Buddies and Facebook Friends with too much time on their hands.
Today’s Black Lives Really, Really Matter History Month Moment
At yesterday’s meeting of the Conservative Agenda, Political Insiders were asking Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane about this year’s Ebony and Ivory Racial Healing Awards during Black History Month, (now called “Black Lives Really, Really Matter History Month”). Kane and Buckwheat Blackwell are finalists, and Award-winning Photo Illustrator Artis Conception thinks those guys have a pretty good chance.
TODAY’S “LIBERAL LIAR” AWARD GOES TO
DNC Chair Debbie Wasserman Schultz who can’t explain why their nominating process is not rigged against Sanders.
Appearing on CNN’s “The Lead” with Jake Tapper, Tapper confronted DemocRAT National Committee chair Debbie Wasserman Schultz over the “rigged” process in New Hampshire that left Bernie Sanders and Hillary Clinton with the same number of delegates despite Sanders’ 22 point shellacking of Clinton. After Wasserman Schultz attempted an explanation, Tapper said, “I’m not sure that, that answer would satisfy an anxious young voter.”
Stories We’re Working On
CLINTON AND SANDERS sound gloomy over Obama’s America
HILLARY’S NEW PITCH: I Can Be Bernie
YOUNG MINORITIES Warming To Sanders
REPUBLICANS GEAR UP For Sanders’ Possible Nomination
KASICH in Sixth Place in South Carolina
CINCINNATI MEDIA Gives BJs TO Bill Clinton
ERIC “CALL ME CRAZY” DETERS In Trouble Again
Whistleblower Web Poll
This week, here’s how the first 17,648 Whistleblower Web Poll respondents said they planned to celebrate Presidents’ Day on Monday:
(A) Getting a day off with pay: 2%
(B) Buying a mattress: 1%
(C) Getting BJs like President Clinton did: 1%
(D) Working: 94%
Note: Everything we write doesn’t have to be so damn cynical and mean-spirited, it’s just so much more fun that way!
MORE CONSERVATIVE VALENTINES
e-mail your passionate prose today.
Some really romantic items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally really romantic subscribers, but let’s face it, we could always use a lot more. Whistleblower Video of the Day
The Date – A Short and Funny Film For Valentine’s Day
PLUS
Note: We guarantee iPhone subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.
