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FRIDAY, OCTOBER 13, 2017
Tonight’s Top Conservative News Stories You Won’t See On The Front Page Of Tomorrow’s Fishwrap
(Or On Channels 5, 9, 12, And 19, Either)
— Tonight’s Sight-And-Sound Bites —
“NBC Killed The Investigation On Harvey Weinstein” This Video Will Bring NBC Down – Tucker Carlson
Terry Crews Admits Hollywood’s Dark Secret
Tomi Lahren RIPS Harvey Weinstein And Hollywood Hypocrites
Liz On BOY SCOUTS FOR GIRLS
The NFL Is Happy to Insult America, Until It Impacts Their Bank Accounts — Reality Check
Trump Gets Standing Ovation When He Mentions Respecting the Flag
My Conversation With An AI Sexbot
Finally, What Would Friday The 13th Be Without Our Whistleblower Scare Prank Video?
— TONIGHT’S CONSERVATIVE HUMOR —
— HERE’S HOW YOU CAN SUPPORT YOUR FAVORITE FAKE NEWS SITE — 
— TONIGHT’S PHOTO-SHOP EDITORIAL SPOOF ON CURRENT EVENTS FROM EDWARD CROPPER —
TO SEE MORE PHOTO SHOP EDITORIAL SPOOFS FROM EDWARD CROPPER, CLICK HERE
— TONIGHT’S REAL NEWS FROM SATIRICAL WEB SITES —
NFL Solves Kneeling Player Problem
NEW YORK (World News Bureau) – Shortly after publicly announcing on Friday that it has no plans to force its players to stand for the National Anthem, the NFL quietly mandated what they believe will be a solution to fan outrage.
By instituting a simply wardrobe alteration (below), the organization hopes to nullify what angers fans the most – players kneeling during the Anthem. The idea reportedly came from NFL head Roger Goodell himself.
“As soon as I heard about it I knew it was Goodell’s idea, but I’ve seen it in action, and it works well,” said one executive with the Denver Broncos.
Starting this weekend, all players will be required to wear the altered uniforms.
Denver players model NFL’s ‘fix’ for player protests (UPI)
TO SEE MORE BIG HAIRY NEWS, CLICK HERE
What’s Next To Screw Up The NFL Experience?
TO SEE MORE STORIES FROM THE PEOPLE’S CUBE, CLICK HERE
Snopes Launches New Website To Fact-Check Snopes Fact Checks
TO HEAR MORE BUZZ FROM THE BABYLON BEE, CLICK HERE
Fans Increasingly Unable To Recover In Time For Thursday Night Games
PHILADELPHIA—Pushing back on the NFL’s efforts to increase the number of prime-time broadcasts, sources confirmed Thursday that NFL fans are increasingly unable to recover in time for Thursday night games. “Look, after the intense pounding we take for hours on Sundays, there’s just no way we can be back at our best four days later for a Thursday night game,” said Philadelphia Eagles fan Jacob Ginter, who noted that on Monday mornings he typically suffers pounding headaches and struggles to even get out of bed and climb down a full flight of stairs. “Having a short week is a killer. Hey, I love the game as much as the next guy, but we need time to heal and get back to full speed.” Ginter then added that, like most fans, adding more weeks of football to the regular season would likely be too much for his body to handle.
TO SEE MORE STORIES FROM THE ONION, CLICK HERE
— TONIGHT’S BEN GARRISON MOMENT —
The NFL Fumbles Again (READ MORE)
TO SEE MORE BEN GARRISON ILLUSTRATIONS, CLICK HERE
The Whistleblower Newswire Is Your Official Publication of Record For The Conservative Agenda
The Blower believes we’re living during the most important period in American History for our non-stop campaign against Political Correctness, the Devolution of American Culture, and the Liberal News Media. Congress and the Liberal Media Establishment will continue to lie and say really stupid things without a smidgen of journalistic integrity in their effort to advance the Liberal Agenda.
Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane Says The Conservative Agenda Is Now Working On Donald Trump’s Third 100 Days To Make America Great Again. Today Is Day Number 268. There Are Now Only 1,116 More Days Until Trump’s Re-election Day on November 3, 2020.
