Your Official Publication of Record For The Conservative Agenda
TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 14, 2017
Tonight’s Top Conservative News Stories You Won’t See On The Front Page Of Tomorrow’s Fishwrap
(Or On Channels 5, 9, 12, And 19, Either)
— TONIGHT’S TOP THREE BREAKING NEWS STORIES —
$15 Million in OVER-TAXED PAYERS’ MONEY Has Been Paid Out to Settle Congressional Sexual Harassment Lawsuits
HANNITY EXPLAINS HIS CURRENT CROOKED HILLARY INVESTIGATION FOR THE EIGHTY-SIXTH TIME
Roy Moore To Claim He’s A Mormon And Quote Brigham Young,
Who Said “Bring ‘em Young.”
— Tonight’s Sight-And-Sound Bites —
Top Three DemocRAT Role Models
Creepy Joe Biden’s Greatest Hits
Drunken Ted Kennedy Kills Girl 7-18-69
Bill Clinton–“I Did Not Have Sexual Relations With That Woman”
Tonight’s Top Three Whistleblower Political Posters From Today’s Toons 
— TONIGHT’S NEW BEN GARRISON MOMENT —
Rocket Man Ride
TO SEE MORE BEN GARRISON ILLUSTRATIONS, CLICK HERE
— HERE’S HOW YOU CAN SUPPORT YOUR FAVORITE FAKE NEWS SITE —
— TONIGHT’S PHOTO-SHOP EDITORIAL SPOOF ON CURRENT EVENTS FROM EDWARD CROPPER —
TO SEE MORE PHOTO SHOP EDITORIAL SPOOFS FROM EDWARD CROPPER, CLICK HERE
— TONIGHT’S REAL NEWS FROM SATIRICAL WEB SITES —
Japanese Crazy About Ivanka
The Japanese have been taken by Ivanka Trump during her visit. Throngs of well-wishers have cheered the first daughter while the local media has gushed over her style and grace.
“This intelligent young woman is a vision of beauty and style – her eyes welcoming, her smile comforting, her magnificent breasts a place of shade and solitude. This visit marks a welcome change from the last U.S. administration’s,” said Wednesday’s Japan Times – an obvious reference to the tragic Tokyo panic stampede that killed 18 people during First Lady Michelle Obama’s ill-fated 2015 visit.
TO SEE MORE BIG HAIRY NEWS, CLICK HERE
Atheist Murdered Near Texas Church; Suspects Charged
Sutherland Springs, TX — Residents Stephen Willeford and Johnnie Langendorff are being charged with multiple crimes including murder, weapons charges, reckless driving, and speeding following a shooting spree near a local church. On Sunday, Nov. 5, local police have stated the suspects attacked and wounded local atheist Devin Kelley near the First Baptist Church in Sutherland Springs, Texas. When the victim attempted to flee by driving away, a witness has reported the two assailants “got into a truck and gave chase to finish the job.” MORE
TO SEE MORE STORIES FROM THE PEOPLE’S CUBE, CLICK HERE
Evangelicals Announce They Will Withdraw Support For Roy Moore Should Three Or Four Dozen More Women Come Forward
U.S.—A coalition of conservative evangelicals announced Tuesday they would withdraw support for AL Senate candidate Roy Moore, should at least three or four dozen more women come forward to accuse him of sexual misconduct. The evangelical leaders confirmed their commitment to turn on Roy Moore the second a fortieth woman accuses him of inappropriate behavior.
“We take sexual assault very seriously, and that’s why we will call for Moore to withdraw as soon as he is reliably accused at least another 30 or 40 times—that would cross a line,” Jerry Falwell, Jr. said in a press conference. “It’s important to make sure you have way more than a paltry five credible claims against a Republican candidate before you expect us to concede.”
“Political power is far too precious for us to let go just over five or six isolated incidents of sexual assault and indiscretions against minors,” he added.
At publishing time, evangelicals had confirmed they would continue to blast DemocRAT politicians for their slightest foibles.
TO HEAR MORE BUZZ FROM THE BABYLON BEE, CLICK HERE
Staffers Frantically Trying To Restore Chaos To White House Before Trump Returns From Asia Trip
WASHINGTON—Knowing that the commander-in-chief will be able to tell if there’s even a single thing in place, sources confirmed Tuesday that aides were frantically trying to restore chaos to the White House before President Trump returned from his 12-day diplomatic trip through Asia. “We have to… Continue Reading
TO SEE MORE STORIES FROM THE ONION, CLICK HERE
The Whistleblower Newswire Is The Official Publication of Record For The Conservative Agenda
The Blower believes we’re living during the most important period in American History for our non-stop campaign against Political Correctness, the Devolution of American Culture, and the Liberal News Media. Congress and the Liberal Media Establishment will continue to lie and say really stupid things without a smidgen of journalistic integrity in their effort to advance the Liberal Agenda.
Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane Says The Conservative Agenda Is Now Completing Working On Donald Trump’s Third 100 Days To Make America Great Again. Today Is Day Number 300. There Are Now Only 1,084 More Days Until Trump’s Re-election Day on November 3, 2020.
