MONDAY, MAY 01, 2023
TRUMP’S EIGHT-HUNDRED-AND-THIRTY-FIRST DAY OUT-OF-OFFICE
AND D-RATS WILL BE CHEATING DURING TOMORROW’S DUMBED-DOWN VOTERS ELECTION JUST TO KEEP IN PRACTICE
We Won’t Endorse….
by Charles Foster Kane
Beloved Whistleblower Publisher
Before every election, The Whistleblower-Newswire is always deluged with calls, faxes, text messages, and e-mails asking which candidates and issues we plan to endorse. As the official publication for all that scrambling, speculation, mud-slinging, and back-stabbing which will be forever known as Dumbed-Down Voters Day, our readers have every right to expect nothing less. But the fact that only one day before this year’s rigged elections, after all of our penetrating reporting and scathing commentary, there can be any doubt about which candidates or issues we might cheer or jeer is a further tribute to the astounding even-handedness of our always fair-and-balanced journalism.
But political scientists are puzzled: How can elected officials be caught lying, tell more lies the next day, and the press won’t even hold them accountable? But as “Crooked Hillary” always says, “What difference does it make, anyway,” after our Avaricious Attorney from COAST Chris Finney successfully argued for a politician’s Right to Lie before the U.S. Supreme Court several years ago.
Unlike the so-called mainstream news media like our Feckless Fishwrappers, whose totally discredited political endorsements by their rubber-stamping idiotiorial board and news coverage are so often interchangeable, The Whistleblower continues to present facts, opinions, viewpoints, and analyses on all sides of an issue. On rare occasions, we even attempt to use humor or sarcastic satire to make a point. We trust our readers are intelligent enough to come to an informed decision.
And since we never accept advertising, and have no sponsors nor special interests to dictate their extreme prejudices, we wouldn’t insult the Persons of Consequence who are our subscribers by presuming they’re not bright enough and sufficiently critical to evaluate what we’ve presented, along with everything else they’ve seen, read, heard, and smelled so they can make up their own minds.
Let’s face it: Prostitutes in the Press and trash-talkers on the radio will take money to promote both sides of any contest or issue, whether they believe them or not. They’ll always ignore false claims in lying, last-minute desperate negative attack ads from despicable candidates, as long as those commercials are paid for in advance. There’s no limit on how much money they’ll accept from anyone, all in the name of promoting “free” speech. We wouldn’t be surprised if Tuesday’s turnout would be a lot lower than our Kneepad Liberals in the Press are predicting.
Therefore, The Blower won’t make political endorsements, either for candidates or issues. We’re doing our job. Now it’s time for you to get off your fat couch-potato asses and do yours.
Also try to remember what those Loony Libertarians always say: A vote for the lesser of two evils is still a vote for evil. People who don’t stand for something will fall for anything. No matter the outcome, you should never vote for a candidate you don’t believe in.
The Biggest Loser of Ohio’s 2023 Dumber-Down Voters Day Elections is, of course, the Radical Media Establishment, which The Blower has only been complaining about for the past thirty-two years. And regardless of the outcome of tomorrow’s ugliest Ohio elections in modern history, Hurley the Historian predicts consequences for America are still foreboding. The nation is more than $31.7 Trillion in Debt and the struggle for the soul of our once-great nation must continue.
So with only “one” more day until Dumbed-Down Voters Day, it’s just like what our Unlicensed Anderson Laureate submitted seven years ago to the Whistleblower’s Weekly Limerick Contest:
This year when the Elections are done
I’ll be sad ’cause it ain’t been much fun
Tim Burka’s laughing and smirking
Alex’s BS still isn’t working
Why couldn’t he find someone like Lincoln to run?
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