WEDNESDAY, JULY 13, 2022
TRUMP’S FIVE-HUNDRED-AND-THIRTY-NINTH DAY OUT-OF-OFFICE
NOW LET’S MEET THE WHITE HOUSE SPOKESMAN FOR TOMORROW’S NATIONAL NUDE DAY
Just What You’ll Say To a Naked Lady?
Today is a really busy day at the Whistleblower Newswire, when everybody has been crowding around the News Assignment Desk, because of all the stories to be covered this week. Coverage for tomorrow’s July 14 Bastille Day events and the Major League Baseball All-Star Game scheduled for next Tuesday are under control. Mayor Aflack didn’t have any Lesbian Weddings to officiate, there was no “Unruly Yoof” Riot scheduled on Fountain Square, and yesterday we already reminisced about Monday’s thirteen-year anniversary for our Beloved Whistleblower Publisher’s long-awaited landmark hearing at the Hamilton County Board of Revulsion, after the Disingenuous D-RAT County Auditor’s “certifiable” appraiser got caught trying to justify the Auditor’s bogus 41% computer-generated increased appraisal. It was our Disingenuous D-RAT’s Disastrous Debacle, but our local Fake News Kneepad Liberals in the Press still don’t give a big rat’s ass about victims of drive-by reappraisals, or victims of drive-by shootings for that matter.
“But you forgot the most important event of all tomorrow,” Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo interrupted. “July 14 is National Nude Day, it’s a great way to keep cool during the hot, sticky summer, when a sizable number of nudist groups around Greater Cincinnati let you take it off, take it all off.”
“National Nude Day is a serious event,” says our Nudist Spokesman Ollie Ogler. “They are not really perverted. Snicker if you will, but Nudists believe that the body is a beautiful thing, and meant to be displayed. Nudist colonies, nude beaches, and other venues exist to cater to the preferences of individuals who seek to walk around ‘au natural,’ baring it all might be offensive to the conservative population! Nudists are individuals who believe the human body is most beautiful in its natural state. Whether or not you agree with them, nudists encourage people to strut their stuff.”
All that interrupting really paid off, because the CamBoozler will be accompanying Ollie Ogler to uncover the National Nude Day Photo Contest at the Northern Kentucky Nudist Camp in Florence. We can’t wait to see the pictures.
July 14 is National Nude Day. Lovely Ladies, Send Us Your Selfies.