TODAY IS
FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 11, 2022
TRUMP’S THREE-HUNDRED-AND-EIGHTY-SEVENTH DAY OUT-OF-OFFICE
AND WHO WILL EVER FORGET MAYOR AFLAC PLAGIARIZING JFK WITH HIS “ICH BIN EIN BENGAL” SPEECH?

We Were Still Just A Few Big Plays Away from Mediocre           

This week, everybody who wonders how scalpers can ever make a living at Bungals games, e-mailed an entry to the Whistleblower Weekly Limerick Contest.

    This week, everybody who wonders how scalpers could’ve ever made a living at “Bungals” games, e-mailed an entry to the Whistleblower Limerick Contest.

            The winner is the Tri-State’s most gullible sports fan, Sidney Sportsucker, who again had sold his spleen to buy “Bungals” tickets that year and hoped he wouldn’t have as much trouble giving away his over-priced tickets to all the bad games as he did the previous year. Sidney remembers when politically correct pussy ESPN analyst actually predicted Cincinnati would win Super Bowl LII in 2019.  At least Sidney didn’t buy Cincinnati Reds season tickets, too.  

            Sidney won a “Wait Till Next Year” T-Shirt, leftover from when Defensive Genius Marvin Lewis first came to town; an anatomically correct Mike Brown Bobblehead Doll; choice seats behind the drunken floozie pictured below if Ohio GOP Lockdown Governor would ever allow fans to attend games, and the chance to be the first in line to get beat up in the men’s room at the Holy Grail by a drunken “Bungals” fan after the Steelers game since Willie’s hepatitis-free Sports café was closed. His winning entry is:

When we watched the “Bungals” that year,
Would their play draw a cheer or a tear?
Would the offense show up and give the “D” a nice rest,
And make Bungals nation start pounding their chest –
While consuming vast quantities of their favorite beer?

 Tomas De Torquemada said:
When we watched the “Bungals” that year
We’d be shedding many a tear.
“Competitive,” to Mikey Brown,
Meant “able to get a first down,”
And charging you double for beer.

And from the Anderson Laureate (who now knows why his poetic license was being revoked):
When we watched the “Bungals” that year,
Waiting a few games ’til you’d cheer.
They’ll snatch defeat, you’ll see
From the jaws of victory,
And you’d end up crying in your beer.

Finally, Perturbed in Park Hills said:
When we watched the Bungals that year,
We were prepared to fall on your spear.
New coach, new staff and new playahs?
Mikey still screwed the taxpayahs.
No one knew where AJ Green went;
Did he put his pad up for rent?
Their O-line meant 3 and 13:
Did they know the meaning of “mean”?
Cincy’s pro teams seem to be cursed:
Every year they go last to worst.
Mikey’s venue ends in “BS”:
Unlike us, he’s feeling no stress.

Finally, The Next Year Perturbed In Park Hills Tried To Bring Everything Up To Date With:
If you watch the Bungals this year,
You’d better practice your Bronx cheer.

Did your season ticket subscribe
You to some leftist diatribe?

Will their support of “I can’t breathe”
Make your patriot anger seethe?

If they stay in the locker room
Is that enough to make you fume?

If they diss “Oh say can you see,”
Get off the couch and take a pee.

Turn off the tube and tell Mike Brown
To get his old ass out of town.

Radical chic can’t play football
While doing the BLM crawl.

What’s next, the black power salute
While running your wide-out slant route?

The first line of next week’s limerick is:
“The best part about Dead President’s Day”

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