WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 01, 2021
TRUMP’S THREE-HUNDRED-AND-FIFTEENTH DAY OUT-OF-OFFICE
AND ILLEGITIMATE RESIDENT JOKE BIDEN* VOTERS ARE WISHING YOU A VERY WOKE CHRISTMAS
PC Holiday Greetings for Our Liberal Friends
Please accept, with no obligation, implied or implicit, our no-charge, complimentary free gift of inflation-indexed, low-interest, toll-free “Best Wishes” for an unprecedented, truly historic, boldly initiated, officially sanctioned, public-optioned, top priority, premixed, peer reviewed, multilateral, gently Botoxed, computer modeled, federally guaranteed, bipartisan, clinically tested, deep-cleansing, post modern, low-calorie, revenue neutral, environmentally aware, socially engineered, low-stress, non-addictive, filibuster free, carbon sequestered, multicultural, reduced fat, polar bear embracing, asbestos abated, gender friendly, energy efficient, job expanding, tax supported, sub orbital, tree hugging celebration of the union made, non-profit, child proof, fluoride protected, wise Latina’d, seat belted, free-speech zoned, winter solstice Holiday (when the time is right), practiced according to ethically responsible traditions we can believe in, of the progressive religious persuasion, or secular practices, of your choice, with reciprocal respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, (or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all); together with a fiscally stimulating, consciousness expanding, medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2022, but not without profound respect for the calendars of other cultures whose selfless contributions to our society have made America great, (not to imply that America is necessarily greater than any other country or is the only “AMERICA” in the western hemisphere), and without regard to the race, creed, color, SAT score, weight, age, physical competence, credit rating, political party, computer preference, dietary restrictions, dental integrity, hair style, skin graphics, body piercings, or sexual orientation of the wishee.
(By accepting this greeting, you are accepting these terms. This greeting is subject to clarification, modification, or withdrawal. Reverse engineering is prohibited in accordance with the statutes of California. It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for him/ herself or others, is void where taxed or forbidden by law, and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher or his/her congressperson. This wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year, or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first, and warranty is limited to replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher.)
More Wonderful Whistleblower Wisdom
The Blower will now begin publishing this year’s version of “Mean Jean Schmidt’s Twelve Days of Christmas,” sent in by the Ghost of “Clean Gene” Ruehlmann, who says, “Tell Alex Hamilton County would still be ‘Red’ if I were still alive.” The first verse goes something like this:
On the First Day of Christmas, “Mean Jean” gave to me:
One Old Crapper, from Rob Portman’s Legacy.
Let’s all learn the words so we can sing them at “Mean Jean’s” upcoming Annual Holiday Party later next month, since “Mean Jean” is now apologizing to Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane and all of the Political Insiders at the Conservative Agenda in case they mistakenly get an invitation to her Christmas Party this year, where she’ll be celebrating her return to corrupt politics.
Now Here’s Our Holiday Greetings
for All Our Conservative Friends
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!