FRIDAY, JUNE 18, 2021
TRUMP’S ONE-HUNDRED-AND-FORTY-NINTH DAY OUT-OF-OFFICE
AND HERE’S SOMETHING YOU WON’T SEE ON THE NIGHTLY NEWS
— TODAY’S CONSERVATIVE AGENDA VIDEO —
THE BEE WEEKLY: RACE-NORMING AND J.R.R. WOKEN
— TRUMP RALLY UPDATE —
Satirical Web Pages Are Not Just For Laughs
Satire matters for more than one reason, but its main goal is to raise awareness about the current state of affairs and challenge their viewpoints by using humor and irony. It helps us confront the unpleasant reality and see the world as it is so that we can improve it.
Recent revelations that former President Donald Trump directed the U.S. Justice Department to seek compromising information on politicians, journalists, and others he didn’t like has sent shockwaves through Washington. The Onion looks at the most important things you need to know about Trump’s Justice Department seeking information on his enemies.
Q: Why did Trump seek intelligence on politicians, journalists, and others?
A: He wanted to be able to surprise them with the perfect gift.
Q: Are investigations of this kind out of the ordinary?
A: Yes, normally they’re covered up better.
Q: What’s the benefit of calling Trump officials to testify about this now?
A: Some photos of congressional Democrats looking tough to use in 2024 campaign ads.
Q: Is Trump responsible for this?
A: Per the Constitution, the president is not responsible for any actions resulting from his direct orders.
Q: Why didn’t Biden’s DOJ come forward to expose their predecessor’s secret investigations?
A: A little something called class.
Q: What did Trump’s Justice Department discover?
A: Apple’s pathetic willingness to cooperate with the government.
Q: What are the long-term consequences of this scandal?
A: 3 to 5 news cycles.
Being a police officer in 2021 kiiiiiiinda sucks, since, you know, everyone will hate you and you’ll constantly be in fear of someone throwing a brick at your head or burning out your cop car just because. Well, we at The Babylon Bee have gathered up nine career choices that are MUCH more appealing than being a police officer in the current year. Check it out:
1. Honeybadger catcher – Instead of trying to wrangle up Antifa members, just try to catch some wild honey badgers. Much easier!
2. Land mine tester – Much less deadly than policing in a Democrat-controlled city!
3. MAGA hat salesman in Portland – Compared to being a cop in Portland, you’ll be loved and adored!
4. Lori Lightfoot’s assistant – A bad career but not police officer bad.
5. The guy at Facebook who has to examine photos flagged for having penises in them – This job sucks, but you’re not hated by all.
6. Chrissy Teigen’s publicist – OK this one is getting pretty close to being as bad as a 2021 police officer.
7. The guy at the recycling center who has to drink the last milk out of your plastic jugs – At least you know you’ll be doing it for Mother Earth!
8. Your mom’s mirror – OOOOOH DAAAAAAANG!
9. Christian movie reviewer – Alright, even we admit being a cop might be more appealing than watching every Christian movie that comes out.
Well, little would-be police officers in elementary school: pick one of these careers and get going!
NOW…LET’S COMPARE OUR TWO OBVIOUS POLITICAL PARODIES WITH THIS ACTUAL CNN STORY
Republicans Push For Biden To Have Cognition Test…
Can You Tell The Difference
The Whistleblower Newswire Is Your Official Publication of Record For The Conservative Agenda
The Blower believes we’re still living during the most important period in American History for our non-stop crusade against Political Correctness and the Devolution of American Culture.
That’s because America has just suffered an actual moving coup by Leftists In Congress, the Deep State, Radical Media Establishment, and the Eternally Dishonest D-RAT Party. It’s amazing how terrified they still are of the Trumpster and his ideas to drain the swamp (establishment of both D-RAT & RINOs) and take away their power and return it to the people.
Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane Says The Conservative Agenda Is Now Working On Joke Biden*s Second 100 Days To Ruin America. Today Is DAY NUMBER ONE HUNDRED AND FORTY-NINE, But It’s Only 1236 MORE DAYS Till Election Day On November 5, 2024, to vote for a Real President, And Not Just A “Resident,”
It’s Only 137 MORE DAYS Till The 2021 Elections On November 02, to vote for Your Local Conservative Township Trustee Or Anti-Woke School Board Member Speaking Out Against “Critical Racist Theory” And Leftist 1619 Propaganda.
Plus with Rob “Fighting For Himself” Portman’s Replacement Election In Only 508 MORE DAYS Away Real Republicans Are Wishing Portman Had Just Resigned especially since RINO Rob just voted with the Dishonest D-RATS for that January 6 Commission.
Meanwhile, Josh Mandel leads Timken and Vance in a recent poll to replace Portman in the U.S. Senate for Ohio.
The Blower remembers Congressman Portman’s Legacy when he abdicated his seat and Second District Republicans wound up with “Mean Jean” Schmidt.
