THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 23, 2017
Today’s We’re Updating Some Old Chicken Jokes
This morning at the Conservative, Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane assigned our winter interns Josie, Zack, Bryan, and Mitchell to update some of the old Chicken Crossing The Road Jokes” for an upcoming e-dition, and so far this is all they came up with:
DONALD TRUMP: We will build a big wall to keep illegal chickens from crossing the road. We will have a door for legal chickens.
CNN: We will trust the chicken to tell us whether it crossed the road or not.
“MAD DOG” MATTIS: We need to water board that chicken to find out why it crossed the road.
REINCE PRIEBUS: It’s none of our business why the chicken crossed the road.
JOHN KASICH: The chicken asked for the meeting.
NANCY PELOSI: We will have to wait until the chicken crosses the road to see what it says.
KELLYANNE CONWAY: Hillary Clinton lied about why the chicken crossed the road.
BRIAN WILLIAMS: I crossed the road with the chicken.
BEN CARSON: This isn’t brain surgery. So why did the chicken cross the road?
SARAH PALIN: The chicken crossed the road because, gosh-darn it, he’s a maverick!
BARACK OBAMA: Let me be perfectly clear, if the chickens like their eggs they can keep their eggs. No chicken will be required to cross the road to surrender her eggs. Period.
HILLARY CLINTON: What difference at this point does it make why the chicken crossed the road? Now how about making a substantial contribution to my foundation?
GEORGE W. BUSH: We don’t really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either with us or against us. There is no middle ground here.
BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with that chicken.
AL GORE: I invented the chicken.
AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white?
DOCTOR PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won’t realize that he must first deal with the problem on this side of the road before it goes after the problem on the other side of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he is acting by not taking on his current problems before adding any new problems.
OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross the road so badly. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I’m going to give this chicken a NEW CAR so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.
ANDERSON COOPER: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.
ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain, alone.
GRANDPA: In my day we didn’t ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.
BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken.15.01.03-2014, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents and balance your checkbook.
ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?
COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one?