SUNDAY, FEBRUARY 19, 2017
HURLEY THE HISTORIAN says on this date in 1847, the Donner Party was rescued after having been stranded in the snow in the Sierra Nevada Mountains, and for that short time and place, cannibalism in America was OK, Whistleblower Freebie Gourmet Martin UpChuck says alfresco dining hasn’t quite been the same since.
THAT’S WHY YOUR QUOTE FOR TODAY COMMITTEE chose Will Rogers’ “The difference between a Republican and a DemocRAT is the DemocRAT is a cannibal — they have to live off each other–while the Republicans, why, they live off the DemocRATS.”
THE LATEST POLLS: Whistleblower Pollster Ron Rasmussen says Voters clearly aren’t seeing the same President Trump that many in the Washington press corps see. While the New York Times, The Washington Post, CNN and other media outlets portray a presidency in chaos and perhaps even breaking the law, 55% of Likely Voters at week’s end approved of the job Trump is doing. Forty-five percent (45%) say the country is headed in the right direction. That compares to 30% a year ago and is higher than any week during Barack Obama’s entire eight-year presidency. We’ll check in again Monday afternoon to see if that level of optimism is holding steady. Meanwhile, questions are growing about the source of top-secret information leaked to the media to hurt the Trump administration. A plurality (47%) of voters believe America’s intelligence agencies have their own political agenda. Nearly half (48%) also think most reporters are biased against the president. Only 12% think they are biased for Trump.
THURSDAY, OUR LATE NIGHT TV JOKEWATCHER SAID LATE NIGHT COMEDIANS WERE STILL TAKING CHEAP SHOTS AT TRUMP, LIKE JIMMY FALLON’S: Earlier today, President Trump held a press conference where he insulted the media, criticized Hillary Clinton, and talked about a hypothetical nuclear holocaust. Even Sean Spicer was like, “You should not be talking to reporters.”
CONAN O’BRIEN: Last night, CBS anchor Scott Pelley began the evening news by saying President Trump is “divorced from reality.” After hearing this, Trump said, “Oh, great, now I have to start paying reality?”
JAMES CORDEN: The big news out of Washington right now is the press conference Donald Trump held this morning. Did everyone see it? No? Lucky you, sir.
JIMMY KIMMEL: There were demonstrations across the country today to protest the president’s immigration policy. Immigrants were encouraged to skip work today for what they called “a day without immigrants,” or as Steve Bannon calls it, “a good start.”
AND SETH MEYERS: That’s right, earlier this afternoon President Trump held a press conference … hostage.
NOW HERE’S THE LATEST FROM BUNKY TADWELL, The Odious Octegenarian: This poem appears in his “Sentimental Poems of Presidential Birthdays,” found in better bookstores everywhere, except in Cleves.
Ode to Presidents’ Days
George Washington, your day is through.
Abe Lincoln, you are done.
Instead of honoring your birthdays,
We just have retail fun.
SEEDIEST KIDS OF ALL: Although our campaign is not associated with the Failed United Way, your liberal guilt giving throughout the year still makes it all possible. week’s Seediest Kid of All was Young Buckwheat Blackwell, who learned about politics at an early age. [READ MORE HERE]
IN THIS WEEK’S COLUMN FROM PATRONAGE COUNTY TITLED “SAME PLAY, DIFFERENT PLAYERS,” We learned what happened in Patronage County on Presidents’ Day. That op-ed column first appeared in the legendary Mt. Washington Press on February 18, 1981.
PLARAGISM ALERT: Several Persons of Consequence noticed a tremendous similarity between this week’s Patronage County column entitled “Be My Valentine” published 34 years ago and Saturday’s “Valentine’s Daze” E-dition. Many of the words and phrases appear to have been copied verbatim, which means “word-for-word” for all our Failed Cincinnati Public Schools and Forrest Gump Schools graduates. Is it possible that somebody at The Whistleblower-Newswire pilfered the prose from that little-known op-ed columnist at the Mt. Washington Press for his own purposes? Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane says you may be sure we will be getting to the bottom of it.
MEANWHILE, OUR MUCKRAKER will be letting us know how many really stupid people wear all black clothing as part of tomorrow’s poorly promoted #Resist: Cincinnati protest.
LIBERAL LUNACY: In Human Events’ “365 Ways to Drive a Liberal Crazy,” No. 137 says, it says during Black History Month (formerly known as February), always refer to it as “Fake History Month.” Then explain that you refuse to support a racist event which essentially demeans African Americans by subtly implying that they are too bigoted and dumb to relate to any historical event which doesn’t involve people with the right skin tone.
GOING GALT means taking the John Galt Pledge. Let’s all say it together: “I swear by my life, and my love of it, that I will never live for the sake of another man, nor ask another man to live for mine.”
WHISTLEBLOWER SENIOR BUSINESS EDITOR MERRILL FORBES says This week The House passed bills to block various regulations recently put into effect by former President Obama. The Senate approved Steve Mnuchin to serve as Treasury Secretary, David Shulkin to serve as Secretary of Veterans Affairs, Linda McMahon to serve as Administrator of the Small Business Administration and Congressman Mick Mulvaney (R-SC) to serve as Director of the Office of Management and Budget. A vote on the nomination of Scott Pruitt to serve as Administrator of the Environmental Protection Agency will occur this afternoon, and his confirmation is expected.
Next Week: Both the House and Senate will be out of session until February 27.
THE FREE GRAIN PARTY still stands as the last refuge of anyone who’s willing to help himself from the stores of others, and many Free Grain Party Members are FREE to stay get paid for staying home tomorrow on the Federal Holiday.
Free Grain Party Members include all DemocRATS, RINO Republicans, some TEA Partiers, quite a few Independents, disgruntled postal workers, senior citizens demanding free prescriptions, those who believe bigger government is the answer to all their problems, everybody who said “what Bill Clinton did was indefensible, but he shouldn’t be removed from office,” and those who think pork-barrel spending is OK as long as their district gets the money.
Unfortunately, that group probably doesn’t include all those Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span, Free-Stuff Grabbing, Low-Information Obama Supporters Who Put The Positively Worst President in History In The White House—Twice, and Failed Trying To Give Obama a Third Term By Voting For Hillary, and get all of their “fake news” from our Obama Supporters in the Press, like the ones at The Fishwrap and on Channel 5, 9, 12, and 19.
Racial Healing Update
Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane says he’s really proud he was that he and his brother from a different mother Buckwheat Blackwell are again finalists for this year’s Ebony and Ivory Racial Healing Awards during Black History Month (sometimes called Half-Black History Month in honor Obama and other times called #If Black Lives Really Mattered History Month in honor of Obama’s Protesters), and Award-winning Photo Illustrator Artis Conception thinks those guys have a pretty good chance.
Remember: We never print all the bad stuff we know and certain people ought to be damn glad we don’t, especially Hamilton County’s Disingenuous Double-Dipping Democrat Auditor, who still hasn’t explained exactly how his office came up with its Fair Property Values for your Jacked-Up Property Taxes. Award Winning Photo Illustrator Artis Conception shows us what might happen if you file a complaint with the Auditor’s Board of Revision.
AND COMING UP IN “THE WEEK THAT WILL BE”:
MONDAY (FEBRUARY 20) we’ll be celebrating Presidents’ Daze by working to Make America Great just like our new president.
TUESDAY (FEBRUARY 21) our Real Subscribers will be commenting on the latest “Very Fake News” in The Fishwrap.
WEDNESDAY, (FEBRUARY 22) The Blower will be celebrating Washington’s Real Birthday because The Blower believes the Father of Our Country deserves a holiday of his own
THURSDAY (FEBRUARY 23) we’ll be catching up on Black Lives Really, Really Matter History Month, and checking all those white people’s “Guilt Indexes.”
THE FIRST LINE OF FRIDAY’S (FEBRUARY 24) LIMERICK IS: “The best part about Dead President’s Day.”
AND SATURDAY (FEBRUARY 25) we’ll be getting ready to ignore all those political speeches at the Oscars next Sunday.
Plagiarism Count: Unattributed material was filched from a mere 742 different websites for the production of today’s Blower, many of our filches were from our friends at Weasel Zippers.
WEEK IN REVIEW HOT LINE
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Some political score-keeping items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally political score-keeping subscribers, but let’s face it, we could always use a lot more.
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