SUNDAY, DECEMBER 18, 2016

HURLEY THE HISTORIAN says on tomorrow’s date in 1998, Slick Willie was impeached for lying under oath to a federal grand jury and obstructing justice. Do you think any of those Kneepad Liberals in the Press will be remembering?

THAT’S WHY OUR QUOTE FOR TODAY COMMITTEE CHOSE would like to remind you of that time our Disgraced DemocRAT Pants Dropper in Chief said, “I did not have sexual relations with that that woman, Miss Lewinsky.”

THE LATEST POLLS: Whistleblower Pollster Ron Rasmussen says it’s a 47-47 nation, because that’s the score according to Rasmussen Reports’ first job approval survey on President-elect Donald Trump.

TUESDAY NIGHT OUR LATE NIGHT TV JOKEWATCHER LIKED JIMMY FALLON’s: The DemocRAT National Committee was actually hacked because one of its directors clicked on a fake email to change his password, which gave Russia access to his account. Then Hillary said, “I can’t believe you’d be so careless with your email!”

CONAN O’BRIEN said: So far, President-elect Donald Trump’s cabinet is over 75% white men. It’s the first presidential cabinet in history to be sponsored by Dockers.

JAMES CORDEN’S NON-POLITICAL JOKE was: People got to use a new technology when the ride-sharing service Uber introduced their self-driving cars to the city of San Francisco. Yeah, because when looking for a place to roll out an experimental driverless car, you always want to pick the city with the steepest hills.

JIMMY KIMMEL said:  The CEO of Twitter, Jack Dorsey, did not meet with Donald Trump, I’m guessing for the same reason Dr. Frankenstein never went out of his way to meet the monster.

SETH MEYERS said: Rudy Giuliani said today that he had “too much going on” to accept a cabinet appointment from Donald Trump. Added Giuliani, “These pigeons aren’t gonna yell at themselves!”

AND STEPHEN COLBERT said: Today Donald Trump chose Rex Tillerson, Exxon Mobil CEO, as his secretary of state. I assume from now on, all gas stations are official U.S. embassies, which is perfect for any refugees who are seeking asylum and maybe a Slim Jim.

MORE POLITICAL POETRY: Today we have the “A Visit From St. Nick” from Bunky Tadwell, the Bard of Cleves, found in “Erotic Christmas Poems,” available at better sticky pages bookstores everywhere.                    

Ol’ Santa made a special stop
At a town up north named Nome
He found a real cute housewife
Whose husband wasn’t home.                     

SEEDIEST KIDS OF ALL:  Although our campaign is not associated with the Failed United Way, your liberal guilt giving throughout the year still makes it all possible. This week, let’s all re-read “The Alan Falfa Story”

LAST WEEK’S COLUMN FROM PATRONAGE “Another Exclusive,” which told about political attempts to influence the Press, first appeared in the Mt. Washington Press on December 10, 1980, and was personally edited by eminently renowned publisher Dennis Nichols.

MEANWHILE, OUR MUCKRAKER has been following the fine work of Former Fishwrapper, Investigative Reporter Jim McNair (who used to be at the Kentucky Center for Investigative Reporting and is now turning over rocks at CityBeat). Recently, McNair has gone after some of the folks at the Hamilton County Courthouse (“JayWalking Joe” Deters, Robert Goering, and Tracy Winkler), Congressman/Podiatrist “Bronze Star” Brad” Wenstrup, Globe-trotting Congressman Steve Chabothead, and this week, the Ethics Police seem in no hurry to investigate Sycamoron Officials for possible self-dealing with festival beer concession.

LIBERAL LUNACY:  In Human Events’ “365 Ways to Drive a Liberal Crazy,” # 10: Quote G. Gordon Liddy: “A liberal is someone who feels a great debt to his fellowman, which debt he proposes to pay off with your money.”

GOING GALT: The phrase ‘Going Galt’ doesn’t simply mean getting angry. That would be “Going Postal.” It means having righteous indignation at the injustice of a political system that bails out individuals and institutions for irresponsible behavior and at the expense of those like you who prosper through hard work and personal responsibly.

WHISTLEBLOWER SENIOR BUSINESS EDITOR MERRILL FORBES says since Donald Trump was elected president, financial stocks have gone straight up. There is good reason for this — Trump’s pro-growth policies and his opposition to regulation are a combination that can produce an excellent environment for banks to make money. Here’s why the next several years could be good for banks like Fifth Third.

THE FREE GRAIN PARTY still stands as the last refuge of anyone who’s willing to help himself from the stores of others.

Free Grain Party Members include all DemocRATS, RINO Republicans, some TEA Partiers, quite a few Independents, disgruntled postal workers, senior citizens demanding free prescriptions, those who believe bigger government is the answer to all their problems, everybody who said “what Bill Clinton did was indefensible, but he shouldn’t be removed from office,” and those who think pork-barrel spending is OK as long as their district gets the money.

Unfortunately, that group probably doesn’t include all those Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span, Free-Stuff Grabbing, Low-Information Obama Supporters Who Put The Positively Worst President in History In The White House—Twice, and Failed Trying To Give Obama a Third Term By Voting For Hillary, and get all of their information from our Obama Supporters in the Press, like the ones on Channel 5, 9, 12, and 19.

FINALLY, AT YESTERDAY’S MEETING OF THE CONSERVATIVE AGENDA, Political Insiders Political Insiders were again asking Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane Political Insiders were asking Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane why so many people seem to have trouble finding those Amazing Amish Christmas Tree Lights in Adams County. “Do you think it’s because the Amish don’t have electricity?” Kane said.

“It’s easy to make jokes about the Amish,” Kane added. “They don’t get e-mail, and they’re not on Facebook, so they won’t know they’ve been offended.”

Remember: We never print all the bad stuff we know and certain people ought to be damn glad we don’t, especially Ohio’s Delusional Governor John Kasich, anxiously awaiting tomorrow’s Electoral College Vote, as this Award Winning Illustration from Artis Conception’s Archives clearly shows.

AND COMING UP IN “THE WEEK THAT WILL BE”:

MONDAY (DECEMBER 19) will be the anniversary of the date Slick Willie was impeached for lying under oath to a federal grand jury and obstructing justice as we mark the 32 Days of Dishonesty and Division for America remaining during the Dark Ages of Obama’s Second Term, unless the First Black President in History himself is impeached.

TUESDAY (DECEMBER 20) we’ll be bringing you our Special “Holiday Humbuggery” E-dition, where we’ll criticize Scrooge for turning out to be a real wimp, and our Real Subscribers will be remembering Scrooge in their Real E-Mails.

WEDNESDAY (DECEMBER 21) we’ll be counting down the number of shoplifting days until Kwanzaa.

THURSDAY (DECEMBER 22) we’ll be checking to see what happened to “Mean Jean” Schmidt’s web page.

THE FIRST LINE OF FRIDAY’S (DECEMBER 23) LIMERICK IS: “The worst part of a Hanukkah rhyme.”

AND SATURDAY (DECEMBER 24) we’ll be getting ready for our Annual “Cinci-Kwanzaabration” E-dition, featuring a special looting and burning section for Racial Activists and Left-Wing Apologists in the News Media promoting the Liberal Agenda.

Plagiarism Count: Unattributed material was filched from a mere 742 different websites for the production of today’s Blower, many of our filches were from our friends at Weasel Zippers.

WEEK IN REVIEW HOT LINE
e-mail your revolutionary recaps today

Some political score-keeping items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally political score-keeping subscribers, but let’s face it, we could always use a lot more. 

Whistleblower CHRISTmas Videos

A Message for Donald Trump to Unite For America

Gutfeld: Celebrity has-beens’ Trump hysteria backfires

Note: We guarantee iPhone subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.

Current Whistleblower Policies and Disclaimers can be found here

The Whistleblower has always been 100% commercial free, unlike members of the mendacious news media. So if you want to buy an ad on the front page, call The Fishwrap.