SUNDAY, DECEMBER 11, 2016
HURLEY THE HISTORIAN says on this date in 2000, Al Gore actually conceded the presidential election following weeks of legal battles over the recounting of votes in Florida, and in 1985 Ted “The Unabomber” Kaczynski killed his first victim. Let’s see which of those events out Kneepad Liberals in the Press recall today.
THAT’S WHY OUR QUOTE FOR TODAY COMMITTEE chose Al Gore’s “During my service in the United States Congress, I took the initiative in creating Global Warming.”
THE LATEST POLLS: Whistleblower Pollster Ron Rasmussen says following a brief respite over the Thanksgiving holiday, president-elect Donald Trump got back to work this week making moves that mostly pleased his supporters and infuriated his critics.
THURSDAY NIGHT OUR LATE NIGHT TV JOKEWATCHER liked JIMMY FALLON, A growing trend among families is giving their kids a few small presents ahead of Christmas to break up the tension of getting everything on Christmas Day. They actually have an interesting name for this — Hanukkah.
CONAN O’BRIEN said: For his secretary of labor, President-elect Trump has picked an executive from the fast food restaurants Carl’s Jr. and Hardee’s. Afterwards, Trump admitted he made the choice on an empty stomach.
JAMES CORDEN said: It’s that time of year when people like to cozy up next to their loved ones near the fire — until Sunday, that is, because according to a recent study of social media, Dec. 11 is the day when are you most likely to be dumped by your boyfriend or girlfriend.
JIMMY KIMMEL said: Hillary Clinton made her first public appearance on Capitol Hill since that whole election thing today. She was in town to honor outgoing Nevada Sen. Harry Reid and, what an impression. She showed up in black leather from head to toe, like Olivia Newton-John in the final scene of “Grease.” Incredible.
SETH MEYERS said: Donald Trump this weekend will give his first Sunday morning news interview since the election, and it’s a big sacrifice for him because Sunday morning is usually when he tweets about “Saturday Night Live.”
STEPHEN COLBERT said: There is a trend of Trump appointing people to head things they’re against. I’m looking forward to Surgeon General Joe Camel.
MORE POLITICAL POETRY: Today we have the “solution” from Bunky Tadwell, the Bard of Cleves, found in “Poems for Politicians,” available at better Kroger bookstores everywhere.
Rudolph the Red-Nosed reindeer
Had a very shiny nose.
All the other reindeer loved him
‘Cause they all know he blows.
SEEDIEST KIDS OF ALL: Although our campaign is not associated with the Failed United Way, your liberal guilt giving throughout the year still makes it all possible. This week, let’s all re-read The Butch LeDeux Story.
LAST WEEK’S COLUMN FROM PATRONAGE COUNTY titled “Something Special,” which told us why there are so many holiday specials on TV, first appeared in the Mt. Washington Press on December 16, 1981, and was personally edited by eminently renowned publisher Dennis Nichols.
MEANWHILE, OUR MUCKRAKER says this year’s prestigious holiday parties are already in full swing, but Conservatives remember last year’s Chintzy Christmas put on by COAST’s Litigious Lawyer Chris Finney, where any political wannabee could get in for free for $5, and people still had to pay for their own food and drinks.
LIBERAL LUNACY: In Human Events’ “365 Ways to Drive a Liberal Crazy,” # 351 is to say grace before meals. Bringing God into the picture always puts liberals ill at ease, because it reminds them you think there’s a power more important than government. Then to make they feel really uncomfortable, after you say grace, kneel down and give them a Tebow.
GOING GALT: The phrase “going John Galt” or simply “going Galt” is used to describe productive members of society cutting back on work in response to the projected increase in U.S. marginal tax rates, increased limits on tax deductions, and the use of tax revenues for causes they regard as immoral.
WHISTLEBLOWER SENIOR BUSINESS EDITOR MERRILL FORBES says a U.S. stock market that rose again to record highs on Friday on the back of a robust employment report will take its cues next week from a facet of the economy that also has shown signs of strength: the consumer. Quarterly earnings reports from department store operators including Macy’s (M.N), luxury goods companies such as Michael Kors (KORS.N) and entertainment company Disney (DIS.N) will set the tone for Wall Street, with investors also eyeing U.S. retail sales data due on Friday.
THE FREE GRAIN PARTY still stands as the last refuge of anyone who’s willing to help himself from the stores of others.
Free Grain Party Members include all DemocRATS, RINO Republicans, some TEA Partiers, quite a few Independents, disgruntled postal workers, senior citizens demanding free prescriptions, those who believe bigger government is the answer to all their problems, everybody who said “what Bill Clinton did was indefensible, but he shouldn’t be removed from office,” and those who think pork-barrel spending is OK as long as their district gets the money.
Unfortunately, that group probably doesn’t include all those Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span, Free-Stuff Grabbing, Low-Information Obama Supporters Who Put The Positively Worst President in History In The White House—Twice, and Failed Trying To Give Obama a Third Term By Voting For Hillary, and get all of their information from our Obama Supporters in the Press, like the ones on Channel 5, 9, 12, and 19.
FINALLY, AT YESTERDAY’S MEETING OF THE CONSERVATIVE AGENDA, Political Insiders Political Insiders were again asking Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane about the way American Values have been continually devolved during the Age of Obama because our nation has been taken over by those who will destroy it Morally, Financially, and Politically. It’s not just the Stupid People who voted for Obama and the Disingenuous DemocRATS, but the rest of us have also allowed it to happen, all in the Names Of Ignorance, Apathy, Laziness, and Being Politically Correct. Shame on all of us for continuing to let it happen! Hopefully, things will change in 40 more days when President Trump can begin to undo all the damage Obama has done.
Remember: We never print all the bad stuff we know and certain people ought to be damn glad we don’t, especially Disgraced Former GOP House Speaker, who stopped by last week to ask why he hadn’t seen his name in The Blower recently, as this Award Winning Illustration from Artis Conception’s Archives clearly shows.
AND COMING UP IN “THE WEEK THAT WILL BE”:
MONDAY (DECEMBER 12) The Blower will be bringing you the Truth About Santa, as we mark the 39 Days of Dishonesty and Division for America remaining during the Dark Ages of Obama’s Second Term, unless the First Black President in History is impeached.
TUESDAY (DECEMBER 13) we’ll be will be publishing our Special “Pearl Harbor Day” E-dition, and our Real Subscribers will be remembering in their Real E-Mails.
WEDNESDAY (DECEMBER 14) we’ll be counting down the number of shoplifting days until Kwanzaa.
THURSDAY (DECEMBER 15) we’ll be with Ohio’s Second District Congressman-elect “Bronze Star Brad” Wenstrup when he checks out those Amazing Amish Christmas Tree Lights in Adams County.
THE FIRST LINE OF FRIDAY’S (DECEMBER 16) LIMERICK IS: “The most fun this holiday season.”
AND SATURDAY (DECEMBER 17) we’ll be getting ready for our “Winter Solstice” on at 5:44 AM EST on December 21, just in time for Druids to celebrate the Winter Solstice, along with “World Orgasm for Peace Day.” The Blower’s invitation to our Annual World Orgasm for Peace Day Orgy at the Fort Mitchell County Club says “Y’all Come.”
Plagiarism Count: Unattributed material was filched from a mere 742 different websites for the production of today’s Blower, many of our filches were from our friends at Weasel Zippers.
WEEK IN REVIEW HOT LINE
e-mail your revolutionary recaps today
Some political score-keeping items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally political score-keeping subscribers, but let’s face it, we could always use a lot more. Whistleblower CHRISTmas Videos
Watch these two videos in order
The First One Is An Ad For John Lewis Dept Stores In UK.
Then Watch This One.
Note: We guarantee iPhone subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.
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