TUESDAY, OCTOBER 6, 2015
With Dead Men Voting for Pot
With only 28 more days until the 2015 Elections and our “Early Voter Fraud Period” hardly even begun, our Feckless Fishwrapper Dan Horn was reporting that campaign to legalize marijuana in Ohio was under investigation for “possible voter fraud” because the names on petitions and registration forms included “Dead People.” (“Board on pot petitions: ‘You can’t sign up dead people’”)
The Hamilton County Board of Elections was outraged, and immediately began issuing subpoenas to find out why all those names connected to the sleazy campaign to get Issue 3 on the ballot in Ohio appear to be phony or improper.
“Overzealous is a polite word for it,” said Hamilton County Demo-Labor Party Boss Tim Burka, Chairman of the Board of Elections. “You can’t sign up dead people. That should never happen.”
Fellow board member, Hamilton County RINO Party Boss Alex T., Mall 
Cop GOP, said he’ll push for criminal prosecution of anyone signing up dead people to vote. “It tears at the integrity of the system,” he said.
The leader of the Issue 3 campaign said his lawyers had indeed been contacted by Hamilton County officials and will cooperate with the investigation into how many dead people had signed those Pot Petitions. “We will fully comply with the law and we have zero tolerance with regard to registering dead people to vote,” said Ian James, CEO of Strategy Network and executive director of IrresponsibleOhio, the group leading the pro-legalization campaign. “We will work with the prosecutor to make sure anyone who registered more than a few dead people is brought to justice.”
“This happened before the Pope was here,” Burka said, “so we know there were no miracles. They can’t sign up Dead People. It’s just not right!”
“Those Damn Pot Petition People had a lot of nerve registering Dead People to Vote,” Burka repeated. “Registering Dead People has always been the exclusive right of the Demo-Labor Party in Hamilton County and we intend to do everything possible to keep it that way.”
