SATURDAY, AUGUST 8, 2015

This Week’s Episodes

 In Monday’s “All Lives Matter” Edition, the inmates took over the asylum at Cincinnati City Hall, and Cincinnati’s Current Affirmative Action Police Chief Jeffrey Blackwell came to save the day by agreeing with Clown-cil’s Law Committee that University of Cincinnati police officers shouldn’t be writing so many traffic tickets to Black motorists and pedestrians around campus.

Feckless Fishwrapper Sharon Coolidge’s “City moves to suspend UC patrols on city streets” made no mention of any report from Blackwell on the success of his Failing 90-day Plan to Reduce Black-on-Black Violence, drive-by murders of four-year-olds, along with reports on recent shootings in Walnut Hills and Westwood.

In another story, Blackwell said Cincinnati Police could be wearing body cams by next summer, but what’s the hurry? That idea’s only been in the planning stage for the past 18 months.

In Tuesday’s “Whining About Racial Profiling” E-dition, The Blower said, “Well, duh! What percentage of assaults, beatings, rapes, and robberies of UC students do you think are committed by Black suspects?  Who in the hell do they expect the police to be stopping in the area around campus?  Gray haired white women on mopeds!”

Obviously, down at the Stupidity Sanctuary in Cincinnati City Hall, Cranley and our Nine Fine Clowns shouldn’t be involved in micromanaging this problem. Or they shouldn’t have to be. At this point, they ought to be micromanaging Blackwell a Greyhound ticket back to Columbus, because they seem to be doing everything they can to put themselves on the hook for the lawsuit that’s coming, that’s for damn sure!

Also on Tuesday, UC President Santa Ono chose Robin Engel to be his Vice President for Safety and Reform and help UC repair the damage after a campus police officer shot and killed a motorist during a traffic stop last month because she’s spent two decades studying how police do their jobs. Whistleblower Legal Dream Team Chairman Scott Greenwood says, “Brilliant move. They couldn’t do better — we worked with her in the implementation of the collaborative agreement. She understands law enforcement. She gets it,” and Cincinnati’s Last Real Police Chief Tom Streicher completely agrees, saying, “She brings the right mix at the right time.

Thursday, we read that Sam DuBose, the man shot to death by Officer Ray Tensing, had two pounds of marijuana in his car, along with thousands in cash, according to police sources familiar with the case. Leftist activists have seized on the case since Tensing is white and DuBose was black as evidence of an epidemic of cops gunning down unarmed men, and Political Insiders at the morning meeting of the Conservative Agenda were asking Charles Foster Kane why we were seeing this information in the national news, instead from or Feckless Friends at the local Liberal Agenda Fishwrap, and our Beloved Whistleblower Published explained, “It’s probably because our Feckless Fishwrappers are too busy spinning sob stories for Sam DuBose’s 13 children born out of wedlock.

Friday, UC President Santa Ono stole two Cincinnati city officials to oversee public safety and policing operations at the University of Cincinnati. CPD Assistant Police Chief Lieutenant Colonel James Whalen will become the new Public Safety Director at UC and oversee UC’s embattled police department and its chief, Jason Goodrich. Whalen will work alongside Gregory Baker, who was appointed UC’s new Director of Police Community Relations. Baker was the executive director of the Cincinnati Initiative to Reduce Violence.

This was another brilliant move by UC!  The City had twice overlooked its very best candidate for Police Chief and the University capitalized on the City’s ignorance. Kudos to all involved in bringing this dynamic duo to the University of Cincinnati!

Saturday, Our Feckless Fishwrappers even featured an Opinion (“Longtime cop: Deters is way out of line”) by John Burke, a retired CPD Sergeant and current Commander of the Warren County Drug Task Force, calling out Hamilton County Prosecutor “Jaywalking Joe” Deters for his over-the-top rant about White cops killing Black people to quell any local unrest or for his own national media attention.

And in this week’s Whistleblower Limerick Contest, Channel 9 “Substantially True” News Personality Carol Williams was so outraged about the way Deters used the word “ASS-inine” at his press conference, she repeated the word “ASS-inine” 137 times during her play-by-play of the long-awaiting tape of Officer Tensing’s body cam, for which the news media had been clamoring. “I was deeply offended by Deters’ use of such a vile-and-disgusting word like ‘ASS-inine.’ ” Ms. Williams explained. “No gentleman would ever use such a word. He really made a fucking ASS-hole out of himself.”

In another so-called “Opinion,” Walnut Hills resident Christina D. Brown, a 2010 graduate of the University of Cincinnati who claims to be dedicated to advancing racial equity and social justice through service and activism with #BlackLivesDon’tMeanCrap, won today’s Whistleblower Stupid Liberal Liar Award for arguing that—wait for it— “Calls for Calm Are Acts of Violence.” Nobody at the Conservative Agenda was surprised our Liberal Agenda Fishwrap published that Ghetto Gibberish, whatever it’s supposed to mean.

Saturday, the Tensing family spoke out. A letter to The Fishwrap said: “Ray believes that once the community learns all of the facts of this incident; the community will have a better understanding of what happened, and why he felt that he needed to protect himself.”

Finally, the wife of Cincinnati Police Officer Sonny Kim, who was fatally shot in the line of duty, is pleading with the City not to release a video that shows the shooting aftermath. Local media outlets, have asked to review the video recording so they can exploit it just like the Tensing Body Cam Video, but only if Hamilton County Prosecutor “JayWalking Deters” would favor them with another rant at one of his over-the-top press conferences.