Saturday, March 22, 2014
More Sports Cliches
- Whistleblower Senior Spoiled Sports Editor Andy FurBall says this week has been one of the best ever for local basketball fans, what with six Tri-State teams making it to the 2014 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament— UC, Xavier, Ohio State, Dayton, Kentucky, and Louisville. Now let’s see how many of our local losers make it to the second round. In Anderson, Flags were flown at half staff after Xavier and UC lost.
March Madness showcases the best of college sports. Unfortunately, last year’s installment of the Men’s NCAA Basketball Tournament also highlighted the worst in wasteful government spending, according to the Taxpayers Protection Alliance. The $2.7 billion price tag associated with the arenas used during last year’s NCAA tournament may give March Madness a maddening new meaning for over-taxed payers, whose March Madness Brackets look something like this.
- OBAMA’S NCAA 2014 TOURNAMENT BRACKETS: Once again demonstrating his preposterous political priorities, before sending another sternly worded warning to Bad Vlad Putin, Obama sent Mooch, the kids, and grandma on an over-taxed payer funded vacation to China, went on the Ellen Degenerate TV Show to promote ObamaCare, and submitted his 2014 March Madness Brackets for the sixth straight year (Still No Budget). Obama picked Louisville, Florida, Arizona, and Michigan State to reach the Final Four. But The Blower wants to know how much U.S. Over-taxed payers had to borrow to from the Chinese just to pay for Obama’s Presidential Bracket Display.
Larry the Rantin Redneck reminds us that Theodore Roosevelt said, “Walk softly and carry a big stick; you will go far.” Today Obama appears to be saying in dealing with Putin, “Bend over, kiss their ass and let’s see where that gets us.”
- HURLEY THE HISTORIAN SAYS: On this date in 1933, President Franklin D. Roosevelt signed the Beer and Wine Revenue Act, setting the stage for repeal prohibition when states passed the 21st Amendment. No wonder FDR got re-elected so many times. Award Winning Photo Illustrator Artis Conception remembers to celebrate that occasion a couple of years ago, Cincinnati symphony conductor Paavo Jarvi was arrested after he passed out dead drunk on Columbia Parkway with his car still running.
- IN OHIO: Buckeye Bureau Chief Gerry Manders says Religious liberty has been in the news a lot recently. The Religious Freedom Restoration Act (RFRA) has made headlines and sparked debate. Unfortunately, rather than contribute to quality discourse over the merits of RFRA bills throughout the country, some Ohio politicians have attacked religious freedom in order to earn cheap political points with the radical social agenda of their base. Last week, Ed FitzGerald (Dysfunctional DemocRAT candidate for Ohio Governor) and David Pepper (Dilatory DemocRAT candidate for Ohio Attorney General) took the opportunity to pile on and express their anti-religious freedom beliefs.
- FROM THE GEM OF THE HIGHLANDS: Our Branch Norwoodian sent us the latest video from the Norwood Chamber of Commerce. And you thought those folks didn’t know how to do anything but talk shit.
And with all the hoopla about the Hamilton County RINO Party getting the 2014 Republican National Convention here, lest we not forget our wet dreams of the past. [City Submits Olympic Bid]
- POLITICIANS RIGHT TO LIE: Some politicians are astonishing liars, such as Blue Ash Clowncilman Rick Bryan. Rick recently sent a mailer stating, “Rick Bryan wants to lower our taxes!”
As Republicans for Higher Taxes note, he’s been raising them for 19 years. If Tax Hikin’ Rick Bryan truly wants to lower our taxes, he can start by rescinding the 25% Earnings Tax hike he implemented in 2006. But something tells us he won’t be doing that any time soon.
FOOD FOR THOUGHT: Whistleblower Food Critic Martin Upchuck says In the Chicago Tribune, James Beard’s list of nominees for the 2014’s best restaurants, chefs, cookbooks, cooking editors, cooking TV shows, and anything to do with gustatory delights came out on Tuesday. No restaurant, owner, or Place in Cincinnati or NoKY had a nomination. Even Liz Rogers’ Mahogany, with its “extra specialness,” was NOT on any list!
In a related item, word is back when Cincinnati City Clowncilman Wendell Young was a School Resource Officer with Cincinnati PD, the SROs were assigned to walk downtown during the summer months when school was not in session. So after a month of walking the downtown business district Officer Young was called in by his Sergeant because he had no productivity to show for a whole month. No arrest, no radio runs, no parking tickets written, no court appearance, no citizens’ contacts and the list goes on. The Sergeant asked him what he had done all month and why he had nothing to show for it. His response was “Sarg you got’s to tell me what to do if you wants me to do something.” That’s probably why he has no problem forgiving Liz Rogers’ debt, since he collected that month’s salary for doing nothing.
Meanwhile, over at the Cincinnati Development Fund, Our Good Friend Joe Wessels says his organization just got a big grant from the JPMorgan Chase Foundation. The Blower wonders how many flim-flammers want him to take Joe Wessels to lunch this week.
LOCAL LEGAL UPDATE: A year ago, The Blower exclusively reported Whistleblower Legal Dream Team Chairman Scott Greenwood and former Cincinnati Police Chief Tom Streicher had formed a new consulting firm (GREENWOOD & STREICHER, LLC), which would be providing collaborative policing and accountability solutions to the Hamilton County Sheriff’s Office, just so new Hamilton County Sheriff Jim Neil can deliver that Operational and Performance Audit he promised during the campaign. The audit reviewed the performance of the sheriff’s office to see what it has been doing right, what its overall operations looked like, and where there was room for improvement. The firm also provided strategic advice, implementation support, and technical assistance, but no legal advice or legal services, which was a good thing says the unauthorized practiced of law committee of the Ohio State Bar Association. [READ MORE HERE]
Since then, the firm has driven the discussion nationally, and beyond, on on-officer video. Cities are adopting it as a way of enhancing accountability in their police forces, and they’ve been integral to that. Greenwood and Streicher have participated in national and international discussions and conferences on collaborative policing, and are acknowledged as the leading authorities on the topic. They’ve been engaged in consulting projects around the country focused on enhancing accountability and oversight. We’ve directly engaged dozens of police agencies in this process.
Both Sherry Coolidge of The Fishwrap, and Chuck Wexler, the E.D. of the Police Executive Research Forum (PERF), call Greenwood and Streicher “The Odd Couple,” and because of the pair’s disparate backgrounds, Greenwood and Streicher move easily among big-city chiefs, oversight leaders, the federal government, and advocacy groups. They work directly with the leading law enforcement technology leaders and provide them strategic advice and guidance, and have quickly established themselves nationally as preeminent police practices experts.
LOCAL GIRLS MAKE GOOD: Down at The Fishwrap, Metro Mole says John Quichwarmer couldn’t stop gushing when 2005 McNicholas High School graduate Katie McClellan made her debut Sunday on NBC’s new “Believe” drama, whatever the hell that’s about. But does Quich remember when Former Playboy Miss October 2001 Stephanie Heinrich was Turpin’s most notorious graduate. Stephanie was also featured in the magazine’s College Girls issue in October 2000, when she was attending the University of Cincinnati’s Clermont College, and in Anderson, Disgraced Former Township Trustee Kevin “Big Spanky” O’Brien remembers watching Stephanie in numerous Playboy videos because Hugh Heffner’s former live-in girlfriend was one of the first Playmates to appear with large inner labia.- READERS’ REACTIONS: The Ribald Reverend says he found yesterday’s Special “BB & BJ Day” Edition so entertaining, he planned to leave our homepage open on my wife’s laptop as a subtle hint. Meanwhile in northern Kentucky, Bluegrass Rifle Association Spokesman Billy Bob Carbine got this text from his brother recently. It read: “Can I stay at your house for a while? The ol’ Lady kicked me out after she caught me measuring my dick. It turns out it just reached to the back of her sister’s throat!”
Maybe that’s why at yesterday’s meeting of the Conservative Agenda, Political Insiders were again asking Charles Foster Kane how much things had changed since the good old days 23 years ago when The Whistleblower used to be printed and delivered all over all over town.
“Many of the people we were writing about in those days are the same people we’re writing about today,” Kane explained. For example, there was Dug-UP DemocRAT David Mann (who just put running for City Clown-cil again on his Bucket List). In 1991, Clyde Gray had just knifed Randy Little in the back to get the anchorman’s job at what has become Channel 9 “Substantially True” News after former news trollop Laure “Not So” Cleanlin’ got the station dragged into court. Congressman Landslide Charlie Luken was junketing to Kuwait on a trip paid for by the Fluron Corporation that was seeking a big fat government contract to rebuild that war-ravaged nation. Then Clerk of Courts Joe Deters was asking his mother-in-law Hamilton County Municipal Court Judge Sylvia Hendon if it would be OK for people to use credit cards to pay their traffic fines. And City Clown-candidate Foxy Roxy Qualls was hoping nobody would remind voters about the missing $130,000 suspected of being stolen by the chief of security for the Cincinnati Metropolitan Housing Authority when she was the chairperson. “The politics and the backstabbing was much the same as it is today,” Kane said, “except the pictures of those people looked a whole lot younger.”
BLUEGRASS BRACKETS: Although Spring has now arrived, Whistleblower Senior Spoiled Sports Editor Andy Furball says Spring doesn’t officially arrive in the tri-state until UC basketball fans are once again home watching the Kentucky Wildcats play on TV. Turfway Touts say Spring doesn’t officially arrive in Northern Kentucky until the $550,000 Horseshoe Casino Cincinnati Spiral Stakes and the Pure Romance Bourbonette Oaks on March 22 at Turfway Park. Michael Liquid Plummer and Nathan “Cornbread” Smith say Spring doesn’t usually arrive in Northern Kentucky until we start tossing back Bock beer chasers. Mainstrasse Bartenders say Spring doesn’t officially arrive in Northern Kentucky until drunks sober up from St. Patrick’s Day. And the Vanilla Hills Civic Club says Spring doesn’t officially arrive in Northern Kentucky until the police chief gets fired.
“Happy Springtime,” says The CamBoozler, “but How do you know your Equinox is really Vernal?” wonder our Quote for Today Committee chose Mark Twain’s “In the Spring, I have counted 136 different kinds of weather inside of 24 hours.
Clueless Marc Wilson and Scott “Pass the Biscuits” Kimmich say Spring doesn’t officially arrive in Northern Kentucky until we’ve each devoured 437 boxes of Girl Scout Cookies. The Murg says Spring doesn’t officially arrive in Northern Kentucky until I try out my new Spring probe. Kenton County Commonwealth Attorney E. Rob Sanders says Spring doesn’t officially arrive in Northern Kentucky until Eric “Call Me Crazy” Deters gets permanently disbarred. And Steve “I’m 5’0, Not 4’11” Mergele and Will “The Thrill” Terwort say Spring doesn’t officially arrive in Northern Kentucky until all Covington sex shops have their annual Spring sale.
Gex “Rhymes With Sex” Williams says Spring doesn’t officially arrive in Northern Kentucky until you have sex with your first Spring sheep. Your Friends at the IRS say Spring doesn’t officially arrive in Northern Kentucky until people at least start thinking about paying their taxes. MILFs on Probation say Spring doesn’t officially arrive in Northern Kentucky until you tickle a young man’s fancy. Uptight Bitches in Fort Mitchell Spring doesn’t officially arrive in Northern Kentucky until we fake our equinox orgasms. Y’All Ville Mayor Blondie “I Thought You Guys at The Blower Forgot About Me” Whalen says Spring doesn’t officially arrive in Northern Kentucky until people are lined up for Opening Day Tickets to see the Florence Freedom. And Horny in Hebron says Spring doesn’t officially arrive in Northern Kentucky until I celebrate BB&BJ Day on March 20.
FINALLY, we just got an e-mail from Vivacious Vicky Zwissler, our used-to-be Council-gal in Wyoming (the City not the State), reminding us that today is her birthday. Curiously, although our Virtual Redhead is still pretty much of a babe, her e-mail forgot to include her age.
Maybe that’s why our Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane always says, “Women improve with age. The older I get, the more I like them.”
Remember: We never print all the bad stuff we know and certain people ought to be damn glad we don’t, especially Vicky Zwissler’s Hairdresser.
Another Improbable Interview By Bunky Tadwell
It’s Time for Green Beer
I was checking Mt. Adams last weekend to see how preparations for St. Patrick’s Day were getting g along when I chanced to come upon a rather tipsy gentleman weaving down the street.
BT: You OK, Mister?
DM: (Drunk Man): Huh?
BT: You seem a bit shaky on your feet.
DM: Naw…it’s the street I’m shaky on. The feet are fine.
BT: It appears you have been doing a bit of celebrating.
DM: Oh yeah…Aunt Patsy’s Day. You gonna see the parade?
BT: I think you mean St. Patrick’s Day.
DM: Do I? Who’s that?
BT: The Irish Sheppard who led all the snakes out of Ireland. At least that’s what they say.
DM: A bunch of snakes? Man…that’s like herding cats. You say he was a Sheppard…with sheep and all?
BT: Yep.
DM: With those sheep, maybe the snakes were just a cover story.
BT: I can’t comment on that. But I know the Irish were quite influential when they came to America.
DM: Why did they come here?
BT: The “Potato Famine.”
DM: You mean they starved potatoes? How dumb can you get?
BT: Actually, that’s not the case. But you probably know lots of Irish. Many of the names start with an “O”…like O’Reilly, O’Rourke, O’Mally.
DM: Or the golfer Obama.
BT: No, no…he’s the president of the country.
DM: What happened to Clinton?
BT: It’s a little complicated.
DM: I bet he could’ve rounded up the snakes. They would’ve had a lot in common.
BT: Anyway, we celebrate St. Patrick’s Day, not Aunt Patsy’s Day’
DM: Thank goodness. I thought I was drinking a urine sample. You know, we could use that Patrick guy around here today.
BT: How’s that?
DM: He could lead the weasels out of Washington.
Now Let’s See How Irish Dancing Got Started
MORE MARCH MADNESS HOT LINE
e-mail your perfect picks today.
Some total time-wasting items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally total time-wasting subscribers, but we could always use more.
Whistleblower Video of the Day
Time to Sequester Air Force One Vacation Flights
(Sent in by Women’s History Month Faux Facebook Friend Suezilla Hardenberg [276 Friends, 51 Mutual Friends], our Anderson TEA Party Patriot who likes to wave signs on Beechmont Avenue)
Note: We guarantee Blackberry subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.
Current Whistleblower Policies and Disclaimers can be found here
