Tuesday, March 4, 2014
Real E-Mails from Real Subscribers
- Obama has the current Ukraine Crisis totally under control, and we have propaganda photos to prove it. —Obama’s White House Spokes Dweeb Jay Cardboard
- Maybe that’s why we chose Ronald Reagan’s “Mr. Gorbachev, Tear down this wall.” —Your Quote for Today Committee
- Despite the invasion of Ukraine by Russia when Putin called Obama’s bluff after Obama’s “watered down warning,” Obama failed to attend his National Security Team meeting to discuss the situation. Instead, he was later “briefed” by his Designated Benghazi Liar Susan Rice. —The Weekly Standard
- Friday, after Russian military forces entered the Crimea region and took control of two airports, Obama delivered a message from the White House briefing room, saying he was “deeply concerned,” then headed off to a fund-raiser where he declared it was officially “Happy Hour for the DemocRAT Party. —Fox News
- Obama’s “reset button” must not be working. When he got owned on the phone for 90 minutes on Saturday, I told him to sing “Crimea River.” —Bad Vlad Putin Unfortunately we have leaders and media with no long view, who couldn’t even see this coming on Thursday, much less in 2008. —Sarah Palin
What a great time for Obama to reduce America’s military to pre-WWII levels. — U.S. Military Strategists- Our gay and lesbian troops performing in drag at Kadena Air Base really have the Russians shaking in their boots. —Rob “Fighting for Same Sex Marriage” Portman
- But Obama was really tough on Monday when he told Bibi Netanyhu Israel should stop defending itself. —Other Obama Supporters in the Press
- I’ll be having my own “Chicken Kiev” moment when I lurch into the Ukraine on Tuesday, trying to deny Putin invaded Ukraine because he knew Obama wouldn’t respond. —Obama’s Doofus Secretary of State John Kerry
- Check your portfolio today to see what Wall Street Investors think of Obama’s Foreign Policy. The Dow was only down $153.68. —Whistleblower Business Editor Merrill Forbes
Did you see our report accusing Putin of “Bullying” Obama? —CNN - Obama Tweeted us to claim it was all Bush’s Fault! — Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span, Free-Stuff Grabbing, Low-Information Obama Voters Who Put Obama In The White House—Twice!
- Putin was playing Chess while Obama was playing Tidily Winks. —House Intelligence Chairman Mike Rogers
- During Saturday night’s broadcast, I said, “Pity the next President of the United States.” —Judge Jeanine Pirro
- Is it any surprise that Obama’s Gallup disapproval rating has hit an all-time high? —Whistleblower Pollster Ron Rasmussen
Last Tuesday, Bill Clinton had his picture taken with me at my fundraiser, and Thursday he was photographed with a couple of whores in Los Angeles. —Alison Wondergams Grimes- Do you think Clinton was visiting Kentucky to see if I was right when I said if you drag a hundred-dollar bill through a trailer park, you never know what you’ll find? —DemocRAT Strategist James Carville
- What difference at this point does it make anyway?—Hillary
- On this day in 1861, when Abraham Lincoln became the 16th president of the United States, in his inauguration speech Lincoln extended an olive branch to the South, but also made it clear that he intended to enforce federal laws in the states that seceded. —Hurley the Historian
Hurley forgot to tell you that heartwarming story about what happened on yesterday’s date in 1887 when Helen Keller met her miracle worker. —Your Good friend Bobby Leach- Of course there were no icy road problems on Monday for residents in our upscale neighborhoods where the streets are all heated. —Anderson Trustee “In Russ We Trust” Jackson
- Was Monday really the deadline for us to pay our massive back rent of $52,844 on our Mahogany restaurant or get evicted? —Deadbeat Desperado Liz Rogers and her hubby Trent
It looks like we’re going to have to charge people for a digital pass to read our exclusive local news to pay for Dan Carroll’s helicopter rides. —Channel 9 “Substantially True” News- When we e-mailed readers to advise them Monday’s edition would be late again, one of our readers commented, “It’s time for The Fishwrap to email me when the paper will arrive on time. That would reduce the number of emails I get.” —Metro Mole
- When we promised geezers the indoor pool would reopen on Monday, we didn’t say “which Monday.” —Lie-uns YMCA in Anderson
- Dear Sir: Our lab results confirm that the red ring around your penis was not cancer. It was lipstick. We are sincerely sorry for the diagnostic error, apologize for the amputation, and regret any inconvenience this might have caused. —Your ObamaCare Surgeon
Look for these ObamaCare Floats at during tonight’s big Mardi Gras Parade. —WWLTV New Orleans- Where was all the news coverage of last weekend’s Mardi Gras celebration? —Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo
- It was so tame this year, our “Girls Gone Wild at Mardi Gras” tape could turn out to be a real bust. —Mainstrasse Merchants
- You know you love Mardi Gras too much if you wake up in court with your pants on backwards. —Archie Wilson
- We were even going to run a special “Mardi Gras” edition of our “This Week in Kenton Circuit Court” Newsletter, but nothing exciting happened. —Kenton County Commonwealth Attorney E. Rob Sanders
Did you know Mardi Gras means “Fat Tuesday?” —Weight Gainers - Does anybody at Channel 5 remember when I used to call Fat Tuesday e-Norma’s Tuesday? —Judge Wannabee Charlie Luken
- Did you know when you translate “Mardi Gras,” it means “Fat Mardi.” —Goof Doofus
- I keep dreaming about Mardi Gras Night at a casino. —Bluegrass Governor Steve BeShear
- I keep dreaming about our DemocRAT Dominatrix dressed only in beads. —Rick “The Batboy” Robinson
- Whenever I throw beads at slutty girls, they always throw them back. —Will “The Thrill” Terwort
Did they do anything special for Mardi Gras at Golden Corral? —Clueless Marc Wilson- For some of us, every Tuesday is “Fat Tuesday.” —Scott “Pass the Biscuits” Kimmich
- You can’t imagine how much drinking goes on at Mardi Gras. —Michael Liquid Plummer and Nathan “Cornbread” Smith
- When will The Blower start counting down till BB&BJ Day? —Horny in Hebron
- Why do they always celebrate Mardi Gras on a Tuesday? —TV 19’s Lingerie-Model-Turned-Reporter-Turned-Anchorbimbo Tricia “Leemarie” Macke
- I quit WXIX-TV to embark on the most ambitious independent journalism project in history and make the Truth in Media project a reality. If the 2016 Republican National Convention comes to Cincinnati, I could sell a lot more “Pictures of Trish at the Mardi Gras from my Private Collection” for only $4.50 apiece. —Ben Swann
- After watching Sunday night’s Academy Awards, you can see why most Americans say they think Hollywood has too much influence on American politics and culture. —Whistleblower Movie Reviewer Carper Flick
- And if all of that isn’t Newsworthy enough, check out my new video this week. —Uncle Jay Explains the News
Remember: We never print all the bad stuff we know and certain people ought to be damn glad we don’t, especially Hollywood Moonbats.
— Whistleblower Official Weekly Disclaimer —
Sometimes The Blower makes fun of Mardi Gras to show that women who bare their breasts in public for a few crummy beads will not be tolerated in our society. This should be clear to anybody who isn’t a real slut.
This publication is a work of fiction. Any similarity to persons living or dead without satirical intent is purely coincidental — especially bead-throwers.
MARDI GRAS CELEBRATION HOT LINE
e-mail your ribald revelry today.
Some boob-watching items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally boob-watching subscribers.
WHISTLEBLOWER VIDEO OF THE DAY
Judge Jeanine: Obama’s Policies Reducing US to Paper Tiger
(Sent in by Faux Facebook Friend Dan Carroll—4,766 Friends, 62 Mutual, who named his son “Hassler”)
Note: We guarantee Blackberry subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.
Current Whistleblower Policies and Disclaimers can be found here
