Friday, March 28, 2014
All Good Things Must Come to An End
It’s hard to believe that Women’s History Month is almost over, and so far The Whistleblower has only been able to mention a smidgen of the worthy women we had wished to honor, including all those floozies Jerry Springer would still like to boink, Black Women Victims about to be evicted, Left-handed Lithuanian Lesbians, and young girls with Major Yabbos on Florida beaches during Spring Break.
Regretfully, we never did get around to honoring Republican women during Women’s History Month, since the Republican Party is proud to have played a leading role in securing women’s right to vote. When Susan B. Anthony defied the law and voted in 1872, she proudly voted the Republican ticket. She and other suffragists worked with her friend Republican Senator A.A. Sargent to introduce the 19th Amendment. And it took a Republican Congress finally to pass it in 1919.
And although you’re not likely to hear it from any of those Obama Supporters in the Press, Republicans continue to offer a positive agenda for America’s women, as they work to create more job opportunities, lighten the tax burden, and reduce the cost of healthcare. GOP policy goals are driven by the desire to do what’s best for women—not by scoring cynical political points for free condoms, birth control pills and abortions.
Now Let’s Meet Today’s Guest Editrix:
Why, it’s none other than Former First Lady Laura Bush, whom Hurley the Historian says was always a fine lady, even before she became First Lady, and without flourish or fanfare implemented many worthy initiatives focused on health, education, and literacy while she was in the White House.
That’s why The Blower, which takes pride in supporting gracious gentlewomen we would’ve liked to have gotten to know better, is pleased to select Laura to be this week’s guest editrix and choose three items plus a Quickie for today’s E-dition from our Current Cadre of Conservative Columnists and Contributors, and our Quote for Today Committee chose Laura’s: “Maybe it is the media that has us divided.”
- “OBAMACARE “ADJUSTMENTS” SINCE JULY, 2013” by Podiatrist Congressman “Bronze Star” Brad Wenstrup
Obama got a lot of attention in July, 2013 for deciding, without congressional approval,to give employers an additional year to comply with the Affordable Care Act, and for announcing this month that people can keep plans that don’t meet the law’s standards for two more years. Yet the president has quietly delayed, modified, or selectively enforced elements of ObamaCare more than a dozen times:
April 1, 2013: The law says small businesses can give employees a menu of health plans. Instead, the White House announces that the ObamaCare marketplaces, set to open on Oct. 1, won’t be able to handle so many choices and restricts employers to offering a single plan. (One of the first signs that planning for the ObamaCare rollout isn’t going smoothly.)
July 2, 2013: The White House delays for one year the law’s requirement that employers provide coverage to workers.
Sept. 26, 2013: Small businesses now won’t be able to buy coverage until November.
Oct. 1, 2013: Healthcare.gov launches—and flops.
Oct. 23, 2013: The deadline to buy coverage and avoid a penalty in 2014 is pushed back to March 31 from Feb. 15.
“I want to apologize to you that the website is not working as well as it should.”—Marilyn Tavenner, administrator of the Centers for Medicare and Medicaid Services
Oct. 29, 2013: The White House once again postpones opening day of the small business marketplace, to late November.
Nov. 14, 2013: Under fire after insurers canceled plans that didn’t meet the law’s requirements, the White House instructs states to let individuals keep their policies for another year.
Nov. 22, 2013: In an end run around the broken ObamaCare website, the administration says people can enroll directly with insurance companies and still qualify for subsidies, which the law wasn’t supposed to allow.
“Changing the rules after health plans have already met the requirements of the law could destabilize the market.”—Karen Ignagni, CEO, America’s Health Insurance Plans
Nov. 27, 2013: The small business exchange is delayed another year.
Dec. 1, 2013: A “fixed” healthcare.gov is re-launched.
Dec. 12, 2013: The original deadline to purchase coverage beginning on Jan. 1 is extended from Dec. 15 to Dec. 23. The White House “recommends” insurers allow people to sign up beyond that and requires them to accept payments as late as Dec. 31. Government-run high-risk insurance plans, set to end on Jan. 1 when ObamaCare takes over, are extended for a month.
Dec. 18, 2013: At the request of the White House, insurers agree to accept payment for coverage as late as 10 days after policies take effect on Jan. 1.
“The president is rewriting law on a whim.”—House Speaker John Boehner
Dec. 23, 2013: Coverage deadline is extended by one day, to Dec. 24.
Dec. 24, 2013: People who started to enroll on healthcare.gov but couldn’t complete their application by the Dec. 24 deadline are given extra time.
Jan. 14, 2014: The White House again extends high-risk insurance pools, which are now set to expire March 31.
Feb. 10, 2014: The requirement that employers with 50-99 workers provide coverage is delayed another year until 2016.
“It’s not too late for Americans to sign up and get covered, but they’ll want to do it today as they approach that March 31 deadline.”—Kathleen Sebelius, HHS secretary, March 11
March 5, 2014: People in plans that don’t comply with ObamaCare can keep renewing them as late as October 2016, avoiding a new round of cancellations during the 2014 campaign season.
March 31, 2014: The White House says it’s standing firm on one deadline: Uninsured people must choose a plan by March 31 or face fines.
And if you believed that, you must be one of those Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span, Free-Stuff Grabbing, Low-Information Obama Voters Who Put Obama In The White House—Twice, who are willing to stand in line for three hours to vote early rather than using a 49-cent stamp to mail in an absentee ballot or walk to their neighborhood polling place on Election Day to vote for free, since on Tuesday, the Obama Administration extended the March 31 ObamaCare enrollment deadline for some people on the “honor system” who have not finished signing up. No wonder House Speaker John Boehner said, “What the Hell is this, a joke?”
Now you can see a timeline of all the ObamaCare delays in pictures. [CLICK HERE]
- “MY GUN” by Bluegrass Rifle Association Spokesman Billy Bob Carbine
Today I swung my front door wide open and placed my Remington 30.06 right in the doorway. I left six shells beside it, then left it alone and went about my business.
While I was gone, the mailman delivered my mail, the neighbor boy across the street mowed the yard, a girl walked her dog down the street, and quite a few cars stopped at the stop sign near the front of our house.
After about an hour, I checked on the gun. It was still sitting there, right where I had left it. It hadn’t moved itself outside. It certainly hadn’t killed anyone, even with the numerous opportunities it had been presented to do so.
In fact, it hadn’t even loaded itself. Well you can imagine my surprise, with all the media hype about how dangerous guns are and how they kill people.
Either the media is wrong or I’m in possession of the laziest gun in the world.
Well, I’m off to check on my spoons. I hear they’re making people fat.
- “POLITICALLY CORRECT” by Albert Einstein
I agree with our Native American population. I am highly insulted by the racially charged name of the Washington Redskins. One might argue that to name a professional football team after Native Americans would exalt them as fine warriors, but nay, nay. We must be careful not to offend, and in the spirit of political correctness and courtesy, we must move forward.
Let’s ditch the Kansas City Chiefs, the Atlanta Braves and the Cleveland Indians. If your shorts are in a wad because of the reference the name Redskins makes to skin color then we need to get rid of the Cleveland Browns.
The Carolina Panthers obviously were named to keep the memory of militant Blacks from the 60s alive. Gone. It’s offensive to us white folk.
The New York Yankees offend the Southern population. Do you see a team named for the Confederacy? No! There is no room for any reference to that tragic war that cost this country so many young men’s lives.
I am also offended by the blatant references to the Catholic religion among our sports team names. It’s totally inappropriate to have the New Orleans Saints, the Los Angeles Angels, or the San Diego Padres.
Then there are the team names that glorify criminals who raped and pillaged. We are talking about the horrible Oakland Raiders, the Minnesota Vikings, the Tampa Bay Buccaneers and the Pittsburgh Pirates!
Now, let us address those teams that clearly send the wrong message to our children. The San Diego Chargers promote irresponsible fighting or even spending habits. The New York Giants and the San Francisco Giants promote obesity, a growing childhood epidemic. The Cincinnati Reds promote downers/barbiturates. The Milwaukee Brewers—well, that goes without saying.
So, there you go. We need to support any legislation that comes out to rectify this travesty, because the government will likely become involved with this issue, as they should. Just the kind of thing the do-nothing Congress loves.
With all of this in mind, it might also make some sense to change the name of the Oregon State women’s athletic teams to something other than “The Beavers.”
In God We Trust! God Bless America!
- AND A QUICKIE By Doctor Fiddlefinger
When a male applicant took the entrance exam for medical school, he was perplexed by this question: “Rearrange the letters: P-N-E-S-I to spell out the part of the human body that is most useful when erect.”Those who spelled SPINE became doctors.
The rest are in Congress.
These items are perfect to forward to all of your Internet Buddies and Facebook Friends with too much time on their hands.
Introducing the “Soul Food Six”
A year ago, these six Cincinnati City Clown-Sale members gleefully voted to throw away the city over-taxed payers’ money by giving deadbeat desperado Liz Rogers and her equally deadbeat husband Trent Rogers $686,000 to their business, the Mahogany restaurant downtown.
This was a grant, not a loan. It never has to be paid back, even when the restaurant goes out of business.
It was Cincinnati Ordinance #0050-2012, passed on February 29, 2012.
Which Clown-Sale Members so happily voted to give away your money to do that? Those fools were Wendell Young, Charlie Winburn, rich heiress boy Alexander Paul George Sittenfeld, Yvette Simpson, Laure “Not So” Cleanlivin’, and Cecil Thomas.
Those who agreed with The Blower that the City had no business making that loan and voted against the Ordinance were SMLP Chris Smithermouth, Clown-cil Gay Chris Squealback, and Foxy Roxy Qualls.
Clown-cil members also voted on an Ordinance to give a loan of an additional $300,000 to Liz Rogers and Trent Rogers, which is now in arrears by a mere $21,000 so far.
Together, that’s nearly a million dollars of over-taxed payers’ money that went to deadbeat Liz and her equally deadbeat husband Trent.
Do the Rogerses even live in Cincinnati? No. Do they even live in Hamilton County? No. Do they ever pay their bills? Evidently, the same answer.
More Conservative Political Cartoons
Stories We’re Working On
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Ukraine says 100,000 Russian troops near border ignoring Obama’s red line - Economic growth “Half of What Obama Promised His Policies Would Deliver”
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- Shark gives student on Spring Break two-hour ride
- Washington to Cincinnati Business Leaders—“Get lost!”
- Norwood Police chase suspect to the West Side
- Rand Paul announces 50-state network, taps 200 people for team
Whistleblower Web Poll
This week, here’s what the first 17,648 Whistleblower Web Poll respondents said we should expect to see at Mediocre American Ball Park this year:
(A) Good hitting beats good pitching and vice versa: 2%
(B) More hype than you can imagine: 1%
(C) Really scruffy people dressed in crappy red clothes: 1%
(D) Outrageous food prices: 96%
Note: Everything we write doesn’t have to be so damn cynical and mean-spirited, it’s just so much more fun that way!
Weekly Whistleblower Limerick Contest
It’s Really Going to Be a Long Season
This week, everybody who remembers when really important people threw out the first pitch on the Reds’ Opening Day instead of a sissy mayor, a county commissioner in a wheelchair, a Jive recording artist, or a former Reds TV broadcaster, e-mailed an entry to the Whistleblower Limerick Contest.
The winner is long-time Cincinnati Reds fan Farley Fairweather, who remembers when baseball players cared about the game, instead of just their fat paychecks. Farley wins a year’s subscription to Pete Rose’s Betting Tips, an “I Spent $287 at the Reds’ Opening Day and All I Got Was This Crappy T-Shirt” T-Shirt, a ride in the Gay Opening Day Parade with the gay-loving politician of his choice, and a forged doctor’s excuse for missing work. His winning limerick is:
This year on the Reds’ Opening Day”
People are sure gonna pray
Or maybe they’ll dream
That with such a team
They won’t be in last place by May.
This year on the Reds’ Opening Day
For our pitching it was “bombs away!”
Over the plate and sailing thigh high
The Cards say to the ball, “bye-bye”
Hell, they could pitch better in Triple A.
This year on the Reds’ Opening Day
By the third inning our pitchers will give way.
Though the radar gun says 94,
Their ERA will continue to soar:
For St. Louis, They’ll be easy prey.
Now for some dishonorable mentions
This year on the Reds’ Opening Day,
You really will have to pray
That with the cost of the seat
And the stuff that you eat
Won’t cost you more than a month’s pay
This year on the Reds’ Opening Day,
I plan to stay far away.
Until they receive
Some guys who believe
It isn’t the pay, it’s the play.
This year on the Reds’ Opening Day,
It’s a shame our old heroes can’t play.
Pete and Johnny were the best,
I miss Tony, Joe, and the rest,
All the good guys have got old and gray.
(Unlike in Kentucky, where they’re old, dark, and gay)
This year on Reds opening day,
$7-a-beer we will pay,
Of course we’ll receive,
Many players who underachieve,
And hoping they’re not out of it by May!
This year on the Red’s opening day
Will our dainty former Mayor once again play?
He’ll throw from the elbow like this (oof!)
And walk away, with a flounce of his pouf
But that still doesn’t mean that he’s gay.
(Not that there’s anything wrong with that.)
And from the Anderson Laureate (who now knows why his poetic license is being revoked and now has something to tell the padre at this week’s confession):
This year on the Red’s opening day
Can we keep our dainty former mayor away?
I promise you I’ll bitch
If he throws out the first pitch,
I don’t like to watch men throw like they’re gay.
This year on the Red’s opening day
Our former dainty mayor didn’t play.
It made our toes curl
To watch him throw like a girl,
So he wisely stayed out of sight and away.
The first line of next week’s limerick is:
“There once was an Old April Fool.”
Remember: We never print all the bad stuff we know and certain people ought to be damn glad we don’t, especially “The Soul Food Six”
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Some March Madness ignoring items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally March Madness Ignoring subscribers.
Whistleblower Video of the Day
Female Obama Supporter (This is the ad that should have aired)
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