— Your Official Publication of Record For The Conservative Agenda —
MONDAY, AUGUST 21, 2017
Tonight’s Top Conservative News Stories You Won’t See On The Front Page Of Tomorrow’s Fishwrap
(Or On Channels 5, 9, 12, And 19, Either)
— TONIGHT’S BIG SPEECH —
President Trump Gave A Pretty Good Speech About His New US Strategy For Afghanistan Tonight
The Liberal Media Establish Begins Attacking In Three, Two, One…
— MAKING ECLIPSES GREAT AGAIN —
The President was thankful there was no Anti-Eclipse Protest for the Liberal Media Establishment to hype today. Trump also thanked God for all the Eclipse News Coverage today, and offered this prayer at the Church of The Compassionate Conservative: “Dear God, if you want me to arrest and imprison Hillary, please give us a sign. Like maybe blotting out the sun anytime in the next couple of days. Thanks.”
Now Here Is The Winner Of The Blower’s Total Eclipse Photo Contest
— NEW JON MCNAUGHTON PAINTING OF PRESIDENT TRUMP —
You Are Not Forgotten
— PETITION URGING TERROR LABEL FOR ANTIFA GETS ENOUGH SIGNATURES FOR WHITE HOUSE RESPONSE —
A petition reported in yesterday’s “Sunday Sermon” E-dition urging the Trump administration to label the left-wing AntiFa a “terror group” has attracted well over the 100,000 signatures needed to merit a formal White House response. (MORE)
— TOMORROW’S TRUMP RALLY IN PHOENIX—
The Blower will be covering President Trump’s big rally in Phoenix tomorrow night, trying to see which group shows up in greater numbers— Trump Supporters or AntiFa Terrorists.
— TONIGHT’S BIG STORY FROM THE BABYLON BEE —
Angry Armenian Mob Pulls Down Statue Of John Calvin
PITTSBURGH, PA—A rowdy gang of angry, riled-up Armenian believers gathered to pull down a statue of Reformer John Calvin standing in front of Calvin Reformed Bible College & Seminary, authorities confirmed Friday. (MORE)
— TONIGHT’S BIG FAKE NEWS STORY FROM THE ONION—
‘My Work Here Is Done,’ Smiles Contented Bannon Before Bursting Into Millions Of Spores
WASHINGTON—His skin already starting to bubble, newly dismissed White House Chief Strategist Steve Bannon reportedly smiled and said “My work here is done” on Friday before bursting into millions of spores. “Now that I’ve accomplished everything I set out to do, it’s time for me to go,” said a contented Bannon moments before exploding into a cloud of millions of tiny black particles that swirled out the Oval Office window. “Just know that, if ever you need me, call my name into the wind and I will appear. Goodbye, my friends! Goodbye!” At press time, any White House staffers that had inhaled the Bannon spores were dying in agony as the spores began sprouting in their brains.
— TONIGHT’S BEN GARRISON MOMENT —
Bannon said he would attack the liberals and globalists that have taken over the White House and that’s good to hear. So I say, release the kraken that is Bannon! (MORE)
The Whistleblower Newswire Is Your Official Publication of Record For The Conservative Agenda
Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane Says The Conservative Agenda Is Now Working On Donald Trump’s Third 100 Days To Make America Great Again. Today Is Day Number 215. There Are Now Only 1,169 More Days Until Trump’s Re-election Day on November 3, 2020.
