TUESDAY, APRIL 11, 2017      

Real E-Mails from Real Subscribers  

Next Tuesday is your dreaded Tax Day, when asked which is worse, going to the dentist or filing their income taxes, it’s a close call. Nearly half of Americans would rather sit in the dentist’s chair than do tax paperwork.. —Whistleblower Pollster Ron Rasmussen

We still haven’t announced when “Tax Freedom Day” will be this year. That’s when all of us over-taxed payers will have earned enough money to cover our federal, state, and local taxes for the entire year. —Your Friends at the Tax Foundation 

 That’s why we chose John Marshall’s “The power to tax involves the power to destroy.” That was in 1819. We wonder what that conservative Chief Justice would say today. —Your Quote for Today Committee   

On April 15, 1865, Abraham Lincoln, the 16th president of the United States, was shot by John Wilkes Booth, an actor and Confederate sympathizer. Last year, affiliates of the Islamic State group released an animated video depicting a jihadist beheading US President Barack Obama.  —Hurley the Historian

Just because two years ago Obama’s Federal tax rate was only 19.6% it doesn’t mean he wasn’t paying his fair share. —Obama’s Ex-White House Propaganda Minister Josh Earnest, Now A So-Called Political Reporter For MSNBC

Does anybody remember three years ago when we decreased our charitable donations from 1.5 % of our incomes to .05 %? Many people were surprised when we raked in $26,400 in 2012 by renting a cottage on the property of our Delaware home to the Secret Service. No wonder I was bragging on YouTube that I now make a lot of money, Man!  —Those Benevolent Bidens

What kind of lies would you like me to tell you about cutting taxes? —Disgraced DemocRAT Presidential Candidate Hillary Benghazi Clinton

Even though we won’t be having a big Tax Day Rally on Fountain Square again this year, we will be also not be having a fund-raiser at the Eastgate Holiday Inn where you could hear our organizers bloviate endlessly about their claims of all they’ve accomplished. At least we won’t be hounding you for donations once you get there. —TEA Party Patriots NOT Passing the Hat This Year

My Tax Plan would substantially lower individual income taxes and the corporate income tax and eliminate a number of complex features in the current tax code, that is if Paul Ryan and those RINOs in the House Would Ever Get Their Heads Out Of Their Asses. —Donald Trump

Instead of a tax code that crushes innovation [and] imposes burdens on families struggling to make ends meet,” imagine a simple flat tax that lets every American file his or her taxes on a postcard. —Former Republican Presidential Candidate Ted Cruz

Does it really matter what my tax plan was?  —Delusional Ohio Governor John “The Spoiler” Kasich

Ronald Reagan was the last president who said we’re going to dramatically cut tax rates. And guess what? More revenue came in, and tens of millions of jobs were created. — Ex-Republican Presidential Candidate Rand Paul

Instead of a tax code that crushes innovation [and] imposes burdens on families struggling to make ends meet,” imagine a simple flat tax that lets every American file his or her taxes on a postcard. —Ex-Republican Presidential Candidate Ben Carson

As Florida governor, from 1999 to 2007, I signed a number of tax cuts and tax-break expansions. — Jeb Bush, Remember Me?

I voted for the so-called “Path to Prosperity” Balanced Budget Plan to cut spending and balance our budget in ten years. —Ohio Second District Republican Congressman Brad Wenstrup

I can’t remember how many times I’ve voted for a Balanced Budget Amendment. —Ohio First District Republican Congressman Steve Chabothead

The federal government’s $19.9 trillion national debt now exceeds our nation’s Gross Domestic Product.  This lunacy must stop.  Private industries regularly balance their budgets by implementing real spending cuts.  The federal government should hold itself to the same standard. —Kentucky Republican Congressman Thomas Massie

Please don’t mention that time I was delinquent paying taxes on my DC condo. —Devious DemocRAT Ohio Senator Sherrod Brown

I voted for the Same-Sex Marriage Tax Deduction. —Ohio Republican Senator Rob “Fighting for Fagellas” Portman, No Longer Trailing Former Gayvenor Strickland in the Polls

Last year I supported lowering taxes on bakers who refuse to cater Sodomy Rites Events? —Former Indiana Republican Governor Mike Pense, Who Wangled Himself A Better Job

Usually April 15 is our favorite day of the year! This year it’s April 18. —Disingenuous DemocRATS on Cincinnati City Clowncil

This year on Passover we were hoping IRS Auditors would be passing over our tax returns. —Jews for Lower Taxes

According to the Wall Street Journal, the Top 20% of earners pay 84% of the Income Tax. How fair is that? —Rich People Against Taxes

Obama only tried to raise taxes 4,972 times Usually April 15 is our favorite day of the year! This year it’s April 18. Thankfully, most of his proposed tax hikes died because of congressional opposition. —Anti-Taxers of America

Tax Day on April 15 (or this year on April 18) would be a pretty big day for us, if we were really an anti-tax organization. —COAST

Remember, our April 15 (or this year on April 18) deadline for filing your federal taxes is for real, it’s not just one of those phony baloney ObamaCare deadlines we all became accustomed to during Obama’s Failed Second Term. —Your Friends at the IRS

After working on my taxes all weekend, I now have 1040 more reasons to hate the government. —Ken CamBoo

I just gave Hillary your e-mail address for her fund-raising suckers’ list. —— Nathan “Cornbread” Smith

Does anybody remember when all my staffers had to work until midnight at my H&R Doofus offices to help all my constituents get their taxes done? —Goof Doofus

Most people don’t have to keep their tax records for more than three years, but if we suspect you’re a tax cheat, we’ll make you produce every document from the day you were born. —Your Friends at the IRS

Please don’t forget to pay your taxes on Wednesday. All of us criminal immigrants (undocumented future DemocRATS) are depending on you. —Moises, Julio, Alfredo, and Jose 

Until we have a simple flat tax without all that paperwork, over-paid members of Congress should be forced to fill out every one of their constituents’ tax forms for free. —Angry Over-taxed Payers

There should be no withholding. No phony “refunds.” If folks had to write really big checks on TAX DAY, people would actually know how much they’re paying. —Turbo-Taxers on a Rant

It’s a good thing they don’t hold every election on TAX DAY. —Tax-and-Spenders running for re-election

Trish the Dish wants to know exactly when everybody’s taxes are due. —TV 19 News  

Sheree Paolello and Blondie Whalen were right. Clairol is deductible. —WCPO-TV Helicopter Reporter Dan Carroll (Formerly with TV 19)

The Whistleblower Newswire is churning out so many great e-ditions these days, our entire system was knocked off the air for a couple of hours Monday afternoon. —Go-Daddy

And if all of that isn’t newsworthy enough, let’s all watch me win the Liberal Liars Award when I tried to explain our “Voluntary Tax System.” —Disgraced DemocRAT U.S. Senate Minority Leader Harry Reid  

Remember: We never print all the bad stuff we know and certain people ought to be damn glad we don’t, especially Hamilton County RINO Party Boss, Alex T., Mall Cop GOP.

         —  Whistleblower Official Weekly Disclaimer —

         Sometimes The Blower ridicules tax procrastinators to show that not filing your taxes on time is not acceptable in our society. This should be clear to anybody who didn’t file an extension.

          This publication is a work of fiction. Any similarity to persons living or dead without satirical intent is purely coincidental, especially our Procrastinators.

  TAX CHEATS HOTLINE

e-mail your dishonest deductions today.

Some less-than-honest items in today’s Blower were sent in by our less-than-honest items subscribers.

WHISTLEBLOWER OVER-TAXED PAYER VIDEO OF THE DAY

TurboTax: The Rap (Extended Version)

(Sent in by Whistleblower Faux Facebook Friend Ohio State Senator Bill “The Ethnic Cleanser” Seitz, showing us what he looks like on Tax Day.)

Note: We guarantee iPhone subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.

 Current Whistleblower Policies and Disclaimers can be found here

Note: people who work in government offices should be receiving The Whistleblower on their home computers because we do not approve of public servants wasting time reading this trash on over-taxed payers’ time (except when you have something to snitch).