TUESDAY, APRIL 19, 2022
TRUMP’S FOUR-HUNDRED-AND-FIFTY-FIFTH DAY OUT-OF-OFFICE
AND IT’S JUST ANOTHER CELEBRITY BIRTHDAY TODAY
Let’s Play “What’s My Line?”
Remember that old TV game show where celebrity panelists put on blindfolds and tried to guess the identity of a famous person as the mystery guest? Let’s tune in to today’s program.
- I was born in one country, raised in another.
- My father was born in another country.
- I was not his only child. He fathered several children with numerous women.
- I became very close to my mother, as my father showed no interest in me…
- My mother died at an early age from cancer.
- Later in life, questions arose over my real name.
- My birth records were sketchy and no one was able to produce a legitimate, reliable birth certificate.
- I grew up practicing one faith but converted to Christianity, as it was widely accepted in my country, but I practiced non-traditional beliefs & didn’t follow Christianity, except in the public eye under scrutiny.
- I worked and lived among lower-class people as a young adult, disguising myself as someone who really cared about them.
- That was before I decided it was time to get serious about my life and I embarked on a new career.
- I wrote a book about my struggles growing up. It was clear to those who read my memoirs that I had difficulties accepting that my father abandoned me as a child.
- I became active in local politics in my 30s then with help behind the scenes, I literally burst onto the scene as a candidate for national office in my 40s. They said I had a golden tongue and could talk anyone into anything. That reinforced my conceit.
- I had a virtually non-existent resume, little work history, and no experience in leading a single organization. Yet I was a powerful speaker and citizens were drawn to me as though I were a magnet and they were small roofing tacks.
- I drew incredibly large crowds during my public appearances. This bolstered my ego.
- At first, my political campaign focused on my country’s foreign policy. I was very critical of my country in the last war and seized every opportunity to bash my country.
- But what launched my rise to national prominence were my views on the country’s economy. I pretended to have a really good plan on how we could do better and every poor person would be fed and housed for free.
- I knew which group was responsible for getting us into this mess. It was the free market, banks & corporations. I decided to start making citizens hate them and if they were envious of others who did well, the plan was clinched tight.
- I was the surprise candidate because I emerged from outside the traditional path of politics and was able to gain widespread popular support.
- I knew that, if I merely offered the people “hope,” together we could change our country and the world. So, I started to make my speeches sound like they were on behalf of the downtrodden, poor, ignorant to include “persecuted minorities.” My true views were not widely known and I needed to keep them unknown, until after I became my nation’s leader.
- I had to carefully guard reality, as anybody could have easily found out what I really believed, if they had simply read my writings and examined those people I associated with. I’m glad they didn’t.
- Then I became the most powerful man in the world. And the world learned the truth.
Who Am I?
Wait a minute, all you Birthers out there (including Donald Trump). Before you all say Barack Hussein Obama, please let us give you a clue.
With all the Liberals’ convulsions over Gun Control and Concealed Carry Permits, Hurley the Historian says it’s amazing Kneepad Liberals won’t be celebrating Adolph Hitler’s 133rd birthday today.
After all, if there was ever a guy who believed in Gun Control, it was “der Fuehrer.”
No wonder our Quote for Today Committee chose Hitler’s “What luck for rulers that men do not think.”
Noted ACLU Attorney Scott Greenwood was really sad Cincinnati City Clown-cil said Nazis for Peace had to delay their scheduled visit to Cincinnati to commemorate Hitler’s Birthday.
Maybe they’ll be all in for Marge Schott’s Birthday on August 18.
But that shouldn’t stop the rest of us from celebrating with a little Furor over the Fuehrer. So now, from “The Producers,” let’s all sing “Springtime for Hitler”:
Germany was having trouble
What a sad, sad story
Needed a new leader to restore
Its former glory
Where, oh, where was he?
Where could that man be?
We looked around and then we found the man for you and me
And now it’s…
Springtime for Hitler and Germany
Deutschland is happy and gay!
We’re marching to a faster pace
Look out, here comes the master race!
Special Hitler’s Birthday Limerick
Our Anderson Laureate now offers us a special revised-and-extended limerick for Hitler’s Birthday. Our Laureate, it is said, “knows how to keep Hitler’s Birthday well, if any man alive possessed the knowledge.”
A German named Schicklgruber
(No relation to Schubert)
Fathered a son
A rather evil one
Adolph was a real special goober.
He wrestled his way to power
And caused his opponents to cower
His rhetoric was soaring
And with Goebbels and Goering
He was Germany’s “man of the hour”
But, gee, that was long long ago
Could never happen again, we know.
Hitler was an anomaly
Don’t compare him to Mr. Obamaly
(But is Barack a friend or a foe?)
April 20th is not a good day
Hitler was born then, they say.
It’s politically incorrect
To ever expect
Another like him someday.
HITLER HAPPY BIRTHDAY HOT LINE
E-mail your best wishes to Adolph today.
Some goose-stepping items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally goose-stepping subscribers.
Remember: We never print all the bad stuff we know and certain people ought to be damn glad we don’t, especially Harry Hitler of Anderson Township (not a current member of the Anderson Park Board).
Whistleblower Video of the Day
Hitler’s Birthday Rant
Hitler Finds Out The Mueller Investigation Is Over