Your Official Publication of Record For The Conservative Agenda
FRIDAY, APRIL 6, 2018
Tonight’s Top Conservative News Stories You Won’t See On The Front Page Of Tomorrow’s Fishwrap
(Or On Channels 5, 9, 12, And 19, Either)
— Tonight’s Top Whistleblower News Story —
In tonight’s Feckless Fishwrappery about the infighting among our Clermont County Cronies over the May 8 Republican primary sample ballot, did Republican Party Chairman and County Commissioner David Uible really decline comment for the story saying The Fishwrap is not a “credible” news source?
—Tonight’s Top Trump Tweet —
— QUOTE OF THE DAY —
Jeff Sessions: “No Department Is Perfect”
— TONIGHT’S MEDIA MOMENT —
— TONIGHT’S BEN GARRISON MOMENT
TO SEE MORE BEN GARRISON ILLUSTRATIONS, CLICK HERE
— TONIGHT’S PHOTO-SHOP EDITORIAL SPOOF ON CURRENT EVENTS FROM EDWARD CROPPER —
TO SEE MORE PHOTO SHOP EDITORIAL SPOOFS FROM EDWARD CROPPER, CLICK HERE
— Whistleblower NFL Boycott Countdown Continues —
— Tonight’s Whistleblower Faking News —
“All The News That’s Fit To Leak”
Send For The Whambulance
And The Blower Is Still Waiting For Our Soros-Funded Boycott For Mocking David Hogg To Begin
Anti-Social Media Update
Our Conservative Curmudgeon says:
“If we can see ‘historical smoking’ in movies like ‘Chappaquiddick,’ why can’t we see ‘historical monuments’ in parks?”
— TONIGHT’S REAL NEWS FROM OTHER SATIRICAL WEB SITES —
(Commenting On Today’s Top Stories)
TO SEE MORE STORIES FROM THE IRONIC TIMES, CLICK HERE
1 Million Illegal Immigrants Issued California Driver’s Licenses
LOS ANGELES, California (Big Hairy News) – More than 1 million illegal immigrants have been issued California driver’s licenses, the California Department of Motor Vehicles announced Wednesday.
A 2013 bill authored by then-Assemblyman Hector Chimichanga required California DMV offices to issue driver’s licenses to illegal immigrants as long as they could recite the words to ‘La Bamba.’
Interestingly, over 75% of the driver’s licenses issued have been to the same 9 people.
In possibly-related news, California Governor Jerry Brown has called for an investigation into why insurance companies have raised their rates over 2000% in his state since 2013.
In other possibly-related news, the Insurance Institute announced this week that car thefts in California have risen by nearly 2000% over the last several years. Institute statistics show that the average California owner of a 90s Honda Accord now has a 100% chance it will be stolen and recovered in a drug bust a year later filled with Filiberto’s fast food wrappers and equipped with a 1000 watt stereo and multiple subwoofers. 
TO SEE MORE BIG HAIRY NEWS, CLICK HERE
MORE STORIES FROM THE PEOPLE’S CUBE, CLICK HERE
Mark Zuckerberg Promises To Do Better At Hiding Facebook’s Data Mining…
TO HEAR MORE BUZZ FROM THE BABYLON BEE, CLICK HERE
In response to President Trump imposing tariffs on aluminum and steel imports, China implemented reciprocal tariffs on over 100 American-made goods, igniting fears of a trade war. The Onion provides a step-by-step guide of how trade wars begin, escalate, and affect economies. Continue Reading
TO SEE MORE STORIES FROM THE ONION, CLICK HERE
— Tonight’s Top Whistleblower Political Posters —
— HERE’S HOW YOU CAN SUPPORT YOUR FAVORITE FAKE NEWS SITE —
The Whistleblower Newswire Is The Official Publication of Record For The Conservative Agenda
The Blower believes we’re still living during the most important period in American History for our non-stop campaign against Political Correctness, the Devolution of American Culture, and the Liberal News Media. Congress and the Liberal Media Establishment will continue to lie and say really stupid things without a smidgen of journalistic integrity in their effort to advance the Liberal Agenda.
Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane Says The Conservative Agenda Is Now Completing Working On Donald Trump’s Third 100 Days To Make America Great Again. Today Is Day Number 441. There Are Now Only 941 More Days Until Trump’s Re-election Day on November 3, 2020.
