TODAY IS
FRIDAY, JULY 08, 2022
TRUMP’S FIVE-HUNDRED-AND-THIRTY-FOURTH DAY OUT-OF-OFFICE
AND WILL THE BLOWER BE EXCLUSIVELY REPORTING ON TRUMP’S RALLY IN ALASKA TOMORROW?
TODAY’S DRIVE ON DAY FIVE
CINCINNATI TO ANCHORAGE
Taxed to the Max
This week, everybody who couldn’t understand why his property taxes were still so high when he paid his jacked-up school taxes last month, e-mailed an entry to the Whistleblower Limerick Contest.
The winner is noted anti-taxer Norquist Tadwell, who says, “I wouldn’t mind paying these jacked-up taxes, if only they were educating the kids with the money, instead of wasting all that cash to divert attention from serious problems on meaningless Political Correctness meetings about changing the name of Our BELOVED REDSKINS MASCOT.”
Norquist wins an autographed photo of the County Auditor with Egg All Over His Face, an Official Whistleblower Jacked-up Property Values Complaint Form, free tickets to a seminar to learn how to be successful challenging the Auditor’s phony-baloney value for his property, a “No More Drive-By Appraisals” sign for his yard, and tips from Bill “The Ethnic Cleanser” Seitz on how he got his old pal the Disingenuous D-RAT Hamilton County Auditor (who was permitted to run unopposed by the RINOs at 700 Walnut Street for the past 30 years) to give him a historic tax reduction. His winning entry is:
When you pay your real estate taxes,
Don’t ask where your money goes if you want factses,
Just watch for Castellini and Mike Brown,
First in line at the Courthouse downtown
Making huge profits off of our backses.
And from the Anderson Laureate (who says, “I hope I get a decent present this year or at least have my poetic license reinstated.”)
When you pay your real estate taxes
Can you see how the auditor relaxes?
He don’t have to work,
The greedy old jerk,
He just robs us, and them’s what the facts is.
And if he feels like hiking them higher
You might start looking for a home buyer
You can beg him for cuts
But he’s got you by the nuts
And your situation is nothing but dire.
If your taxes go up more and more
Eventually, you’re gonna end up poor
If you have no more money
It really won’t be funny
When you get a foreclosure notice on your door.
But that won’t bother ol’ Dusty a bit
If you’re broke, he won’t give a shit.
He’ll just sit back and grin
And raise taxes again
And I don’t think that he’ll ever quit.
So maybe the answer is to rent
And let your landlord lament
You won’t own a house
And you’ll be poor as a church mouse
You might end up under a bridge in a tent.
Our Angry Andersonian Says
When you pay your real estate taxes,
Will the bill stop you in your trackses?
Maybe you’ll regret voting for Woke:
That agenda of mirrors and smoke.
Kiss your Redskins and greenbacks bye-bye:
With PC hucksters you must comply.
The cancel culture has come to town –
Why are you letting them shake you down?
You like having our traditions trashed,
And our heroes’ statues being smashed?
Karl Marx said “Eradicate their past,
It pervades the capitalist caste.”
The Commies have only the present
And there’s no tolerance for dissent.
Forest Gump Schools has taken a knee:
That knee’s on your neck, I hope you’ll see.
Will you defer until you can’t breathe
Before your anger begins to seethe?
Finally Here’s Perturbed in Park Hill’s Over-stuffed Sonnet
When you pay your real estate taxes
Try to avoid eating Ex-Laxes.
Your bowels will be in an uproar
As the size of your bill you deplore.
You’ll feel just like Ben Dover and Phil
While you swallow that bitter tax pill.
But if you want to pay in person
And don’t want the rip-off to worsen,
Don’t forget social distance and mask
So the Sheriff won’t take you to task.
Will the Auditor’s egg on his face
Allow his face mask to stay in place?
Or will that sunny-side-up yellow
Create major PPE Jell-O?
Naught is surer than taxes and death:
(The bureaucrats’ fav’rite shibboleth),
If this is “guv’ment by the people,”
Then we must be a bunch of sheeple.
And Tomas de Trquemada adds:
hen you pay your real estate taxes
Will you get an anaphylaxis?
It could be quite a serious shock
To learn you’re funding a Marxist crock.
Like sheep to the Communist slaughter,
You’re dooming your son and your daughter
To brainwashing by zombie wokesters –
“Teachers” who have turned into jokester.
It’s five minutes to the witching hour:
Any idea where your children are?
They’re in public school learning to hate
All things that made America great.
They’ll hate themselves and you ’cause you’re white,
And more “social justice” they’ll incite.
When evil is good and good is bad,
Then be prepared to be called “comrade.”
So get thee hence to the voting booth:
It’s not too late to rescue our youth.
Throw out these scum and their PC bleats:
Take back the schools, and take back the streets.
When you pay your real estate taxes
It’s a day for reverse climaxes.
Writing a check for thousands of bucks,
Puts your checkbook in a state of flux,
Compelling an immediate scrimp,
Causing certain members to go limp.
Your spouse might well notice this shrinkage
When she attempts a manhood linkage.
How to explain your failed erectile –
The loss of your eight inch projectile?
Right after “Juneteenth,” taxes are due!
Just blame that on your failure to screw.
Your white supremacy is the cause
Of your unwelcome male menopause.
But trying to get your manhood back
Is not as hard as you might think, Jack!
When you just identify as black,
Your prowess will resume in the sack.
You won’t have to pay taxes, either:
“Social justice” gives you a breather.
The first line of next Friday’s limerick is:
“Liberal Outrage Is All Phony And Fake”
Remember: We never print all the bad stuff we know and certain people ought to be damn glad we don’t, especially, Hamilton County Treasurer Jill A. Schiller (whoever he hell that is), who says failure to receive a tax bill will not avoid such penalty and/or interest if you’re late mailing your Real Estate Taxes.
