SUNDAY, JULY 9, 2017
More Politics Unusual
HURLEY THE HISTORIAN says on this date in 1776, the Liberty Bell rang out in Philadelphia from the tower of the Pennsylvania State House (now known as Independence Hall), summoning citizens to the first public reading of the Declaration of Independence. But why did the inscription on the bell read “Pensylvania?” Maybe Thomas Jefferson needed a spellchecker.
OUR QUOTE FOR TODAY COMMITTEE: chose Mark Twain’s “Why, there isn’t a man who doesn’t have to throw out about fifteen hundred words a day when he writes his letters because he can’t spell them! It’s like trying to do a St. Vitus dance with wooden legs.”
MEANWHILE IN WASHINGTON, Whistleblower Senior National Political Affairs Analyst Britt Humus says the Fake News Media continues to refuse to cover any of the Trump Administration’s major accomplishments, so it’s up to us to make sure we cut through the noise and get the truth out. Today we see what news stories the networks are covering these days:
NOW HERE’S THE LATEST FROM BUNKY TADWELL, THE BARD OF CLEVES: Summer is well under way and we have another timely poem from Bunky Tadwell, the Bard of Cleves.
Seeing is Believing
It’s time to grab the bathing suit
To have a refreshing swim.
And check to see if all the girls
Have got their bikini trim.
THIS WEEK, OUR LATE NIGHT TV JOKEWATCHER SAID THERE WERE NO NEW JOKES FROM OUR LATE NIGHT COMEDIANS, AND ALL THAT LEFT-WING HATE SPEECH FROM THE PREVIOUS WEEK REALLY WASN’T WORTH REPEATING.
IN THIS WEEK’S COLUMN FROM PATRONAGE COUNTY TITLED “POLITICAL PROMOTION,” Patronage County Commissioners considered a proposal to generate a little extra income for some needy people at the courthouse. Swindle Advertising was awarded the right to sell advertising displays on rest room walls in all county buildings. This op-ed column never appeared at any time in the feisty Mt. Washington Press personally edited by eminently renowned publisher Dennis Nichols. In fact, is appeared as part of The Muckraker series, in something called The Zinzinnati News in July 1981 (whatever the hell that was).
OUR MEANWHILE, OUR MUCKRAKER says it is truly amazing the level of ineptitude at the County Auditor’s office. Even The Fishwrap can perform an analysis of housing with an in-depth study to show that housing values have yet to return to pre-recession highs, but that didn’t stop the Auditor’s high paid, drive by appraisals from jacking up values from 10-25% on residents! Who wants to bet that next year will be another high-water mark for applicant to the Board of Revision…and that’s another whole Kangaroo court process in and of itself!!
THE LATEST POLLS: Whistleblower Pollster Ron Rasmussen Voters here strongly believe world leaders need to confront North Korea with military force if necessary to end the rogue communist nation’s push for nuclear weapons. But a growing number say the United States should go it alone if necessary. At the same time, however, most voters already think our military is stretched too thin and don’t want the United States policing the world.
THE SEEDIEST KIDS OF ALL
Although our campaign is not associated with the Failed United Way, your liberal guilt giving throughout the year still makes it all possible.
SEEDIEST KIDS OF ALL HOT LINE
e-mail your stories about worthy waifs today.
LIBERAL LUNACY: In Human Events’ “365 Ways to Drive a Liberal Crazy,” says you should quote Joe Biden. “Look, [John’s McCain’s] last-minute economic plan does nothing to tackle the number-one job facing the middle class, and it happens to be, as Barack says, a three-letter word: jobs. J-O-B-S, jobs.”
JOHN GALT says “I started my life with a single absolute: that the world was mine to shape in the image of my highest values and never to be given up to a lesser standard, no matter how long or hard the struggle.”
WHISTLEBLOWER SENIOR BUSINESS EDITOR MERRILL FORBES says Wall Street rebounded on Friday, ending the week with decent gains. Major equity indexes in the U.S. closed the week on a positive note on the back of solid job numbers and a strong rebound in tech shares.
THE FREE GRAIN PARTY still stands as the last refuge of anyone who’s willing to help himself from the stores of others. Unfortunately, the Freedom we enjoyed last week on Independence Day was not free. Neither was the chicken at area restaurants Thursday on National Fried Chicken Day.
Free Grain Party Members include all DemocRATS, RINO Republicans, some TEA Partiers, quite a few Independents, disgruntled postal workers, senior citizens demanding free prescriptions, those who believe bigger government is the answer to all their problems, everybody who said “what Bill Clinton did was indefensible, but he shouldn’t be removed from office,” and those who think pork-barrel spending is OK as long as their district gets the money.
Unfortunately, that group probably doesn’t include all those Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span, Free-Stuff Grabbing, Low-Information Obama Supporters Who Put The Positively Worst President in History In The White House—Twice, and Failed Trying To Give Obama a Third Term By Voting For Hillary, and get all of their “fake news” from our Obama Supporters in the Press, like the ones at The Fishwrap and on Channel 5, 9, 12, and 19.
FINALLY, AT TODAY’S MEETING OF THE CONSERVATIVE AGENDA, Political Insiders were asking Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane which Award-Winning Illustration was being featured at the Artis Conception Gallery during All-Star Game Weekend. “It was really a timely selection,” Kane explained, “showing a more-fitting statue of Reds Legend Pete Rose sliding into Commissioner Bart Giamatti who banned Pete from baseball at Great American Ball Park.”
AND COMING UP IN “THE WEEK THAT WILL BE”:
MONDAY (JULY 10) will be featuring our Special “Anti-Social Networking” E-dition.
TUESDAY (JULY 11) will be our Official “All Star Game” E-dition, and our Real E-Mails from Real Subscribers” might have something to say about that.
WEDNESDAY (JULY 12) we’ll be getting ready to take lots of pictures of attractive undressed women at our Annual National Nude Day Photo Contest at the Northern Kentucky Nudist Camp in Florence.
THURSDAY (JULY 13) we’ll be getting ready to celebrate Bastille Day on Friday, that’s if we get back in time from Wednesday’s photographic excursion.
THE FIRST LINE OF FRIDAY’S LIMERICK (JULY 14) IS “Liberal outrage is so phony and fake.”
AND SATURDAY (jULY 15) in our Annual More Marvelous Muckraking” E-dition. We’ll be telling you how it all began.
Plagiarism Count: Unattributed material was filched from a mere 742 different websites for the production of today’s Blower, many of our filches were from our friends at Weasel Zippers.
WEEK IN REVIEW HOT LINE
e-mail your revolutionary recaps today
Some political score-keeping items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally political score-keeping subscribers, but let’s face it, we could always use a lot more.
TODAY’S WHISTLEBLOWER VIDEO
CNN App Downgraded to ONE STAR in Apple App Store – From Hilarious Negative Reviews
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