TODAY IS
THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 14, 2023
TRUMP’S NINE-HUNDRED-AND-SIXTY-SEVENTH DAY OUT-OF-OFFICE
AND WE’RE WONDERING ABOUT ALL THE PERKS FOR DESIGNATED DRIVERS
Maybe We Should Just Call it Beerfest
Last Week at the Conservative Agenda, Political Insiders were asking Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane if The Blower would be refraining from using the word “Oktoberfest” again this year.
Yesterday at the Conservative Agenda, Political Insiders were asking Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane if The Blower would be refraining from using the word “Oktoberfest” again this year.
“Of course, we will, but I’m not sure it will do a lot of good,” Kane explained. “You see how hard it’s been trying to convince Fact Checkers in the Media to stop covering up for Illegitimate Resident Joke Biden*s lies for the past 967 days he’s been ruining the country.”
And what kind of so-called Family-Oriented Event needs 111 different kinds of beer? Over-eating Organizers say this weekend fat-ass people who claim to be of German heritage will be consuming 23,000 soft pretzels, more than 80,000 brats, more than 80,000 metts, 20,000 cream puffs, 6,000 pickles, and 700 pounds of Limburger cheese. Can’t you just feel the arteries hardening?
And last year there were 10,000 dachshunds racing to be crowned the winning wiener at the Running of the Wiener Dogs on Fountain Square.
The Blower also remembers when Organizers couldn’t get Donald Trump to be the Grand Marshal, so somebody came up with the idea of letting 0-2 Cincinnati Bungals Andy Dalton and A.J. Green get booed doing the Chicken Dance. Whistleblower Senior Spoiled Sports Editor Andy FurBall said we’d seen enough of them already. Whistleblower Alternate Life-Style Editors Ben Dover and Phil McKrevis were still hoping Cincinnati Clown-cil Gay Chris Squealback would be on hand to lead the “Gay Chicken” Dance, especially after Obama White House’s Ambassador of Gayness From Outer Space— Star Trek’s George Takei was here in 2013.
Meanwhile, many guys hope the women they might meet downtown at Cincinnati’s Septemberfest Celebration will look something like this.
But in case they turned out to be the kind of Skanks who usually show up downtown, we had Sleazy Springer’s Septemberfest Top Ten List:
Today it’s Ohio D-RAT Joke Governor Candidate, sleazy Jerry Springer’s top ten sure-fire Septemberfest pickup lines:
10. So what grade are you in, Honey?
9. Has anybody ever told you that you look like Della Sutorious?
8. Did you vote for me on “Dancing with the Stars?”
7. Mind if I share your Port-o-let?
6. Care for a bite of my bratwurst?
5. Hey, Fraulein, nice kraut!
4. I’m not wearing anything under my lederhosen.
3. My overnight ratings are terrific.
2. If you think my nose is big…
…And Ohio DemocRAT Joke Governor Candidate, sleazy Jerry Springer’s number one Septemberfest pickup line is… Are you really sure you won’t take a check?
The Blower could hardly wait. We still had this Campaign Ad from the last time our Ohio D-RAT Joke Governor Candidate Sleazy Jerry Springer ran for Governor in 1982.
Prosit!
That’s a German Toast to indicate you’re drinking to someone’s, or to each other’s, health.