Your Official Publication of Record For The Conservative Agenda 

MONDAY, MARCH 26, 2018
Tonight’s Top Conservative News Stories You Won’t See On The Front Page Of Tomorrow’s Fishwrap

(Or On Channels 5, 9, 12, And 19, Either)

— Last Weekend’s Hypefest Was Really A Big Bust —

First, Jim Borgman Showed Us That Over-Hyped White Death Never Arrived In Cincinnati.

 Second, We Never Did Find Out Where All That Money Came From To Promote Saturday’s Over-Hyped Phony-Baloney Gun-Control March Of The Mindless.

Finally, Aging Porn Slut Stormy Daniels’ Much Ado About Nothing “60 Minutes” Interview Never Showed All Those BJ Tips Anderson Cooper Wanted To Know So He Could Satisfy His Man…

…But For Adults-Only On Google, Vile-And-Disgusting “Stormy Daniels Sexy,” “Stormy Daniels Porn,” and “Stormy Daniels Blow Jobs” Got A Lot Of Clicks.

—Tonight’s Top Trump Tweet —

Do You Think The Trumpster Was Talking About Last Night’s Stormy Daniels Interview?

— TONIGHT’S BEN GARRISON MOMENT —

 TO SEE MORE BEN GARRISON ILLUSTRATIONS, CLICK HERE — TONIGHT’S PHOTO-SHOP EDITORIAL SPOOF ON CURRENT EVENTS FROM EDWARD CROPPER —

TO SEE MORE PHOTO SHOP EDITORIAL SPOOFS FROM EDWARD CROPPER, CLICK HERE

Dumbed Down Dems Say

— Whistleblower NFL Kickoff Game Boycott Countdown Continues — — Tonight’s Whistleblower Not-Faking News —

“All The News That’s Fit Not-To-Fake”

— TONIGHT’S REAL NEWS FROM SATIRICAL WEB SITES —
(Commenting On The Top Stories Of The Day)

Kid’s March Has Already Saved Lives
LOS ANGELES (World News Bureau) – Statistics show that the ‘March For Our Lives’ held Saturday has already saved countless lives.

“On Saturday we recorded a nearly 99% reduction in Tide Pods poisonings nationwide,” said a U.S. Department of Health and Human Services spokesperson. “That is significant.”

According to authorities across the country, shoplifting, motor vehicle accidents, accidents and death involving ‘selfies.’ drug and alcohol overdoses, reported incidences of STDs, loud music complaints, and injuries and deaths involving self-stimulation were also down sharply on Saturday.

“These kids really did make America a safer place, at least for several hours on Saturday, and for that I applaud them,” said Vice President Mike Pence.

 TO SEE MORE BIG HAIRY NEWS, CLICK HERE

SJW Outraged To Hear ‘Men Are Taller Than Women’ TO SEE MORE STORIES FROM THE PEOPLE’S CUBE, CLICK HERE

A Bad Sign? New National Security Adviser John Bolton Just Arrived…

 TO HEAR MORE BUZZ FROM THE BABYLON BEE, CLICK HERE

NRA Says Parkland Students Should Be Grateful For Guns Giving Them Such A Memorable Bonding Experience

FAIRFAX, VA—Reminding them to appreciate the lifetime of memories they will never forget, the National Rifle Association announced Monday that Parkland students should be grateful to guns for giving them such an unforgettable bonding experience. “These protesting students should be thankful to guns for an exciting adventure where they’ve made lots of great new…

 TO SEE MORE STORIES FROM THE ONION, CLICK HERE — Tonight’s Top Three Whistleblower Political Posters — — HERE’S HOW YOU CAN SUPPORT YOUR FAVORITE FAKE NEWS SITE —The Whistleblower Newswire Is The Official Publication of Record For The Conservative Agenda
The Blower believes we’re still living during the most important period in American History for our non-stop campaign against Political Correctness, the Devolution of American Culture, and the Liberal News Media. Congress and the Liberal Media Establishment will continue to lie and say really stupid things without a smidgen of journalistic integrity in their effort to advance the Liberal Agenda.
Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane Says The Conservative Agenda Is Now Completing Working On Donald Trump’s Third 100 Days To Make America Great Again. Today Is Day Number 430. There Are Now Only 952 More Days Until Trump’s Re-election Day on November 3, 2020.