Your Official Publication of Record For The Conservative Agenda
FRIDAY, MAY 4, 2018
Tonight’s Top Conservative News Stories You Won’t See On The Front Page Of Tomorrow’s Fishwrap
(Or On Channels 5, 9, 12, And 19, Either)
— Tonight’s Top Whistleblower News Story —
At this afternoon’s meeting of the Conservative Agenda, Political Insiders were asking Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane about the U.S. District Judge T.S. Ellis III who blasted Special Counsel Robert Mueller’s team, saying they lied about the scope of the investigation, are seeking “unfettered power,” and are more interested in bringing down the president. Further, Ellis 
demanded to see the unredacted “scope memo,” a document outlining the scope of the special counsel’s Russia probe that congressional Republicans have also sought.
“That was very impressive,” Kane explained, “And it puts Judge Ellis in second place on The Blower’s all-time Greatest Judges in History List.”
“Why only second place?” a member of the Whistleblower Legal Dream Team asked. “What Ellis did was really great, especially when he summed up the Special Counsel’s Office as, ‘We said this was what [the] investigation was about, but we are not bound by it and we were lying.’ ”
“I agree,” Kane concluded. “But he’s no Judge Reuhlman.”
—Tonight’s Top Trump Tweet —
— QUOTE OF THE DAY —Jeff Sessions: “No Department Is Perfect”
— TONIGHT’S MEDIA MOMENT —
— TONIGHT’S BEN GARRISON MOMENT
TO SEE MORE BEN GARRISON ILLUSTRATIONS, CLICK HERE
— TONIGHT’S PHOTO-SHOP EDITORIAL SPOOF ON CURRENT EVENTS FROM EDWARD CROPPER —
TO SEE MORE PHOTO SHOP EDITORIAL SPOOFS FROM EDWARD CROPPER, CLICK HERE
— Whistleblower NFL Boycott Countdown Continues —
— Tonight’s Whistleblower Faking News —
“All The News That’s Fit To Leak”
Send For The Whambulance
And The Blower Is Still Waiting For Our Soros-Funded Boycott For Mocking David Hogg To Begin
With Only Four More Days Until Ohio’s Primary Election, Ohio Matters Says DeWine Not Good For Ohio Governor 2018
And TV 5 Shows Us A Mary Taylor Attack Ad Truth Test
Anti-Social Media Update
Our Forest Hills School District Snitch says “Check out that notice of Tuesday’s “special board meeting” to discuss the potential purchase of property. We don’t have the money for it because we already spent everything we have and then some. But we are going to buy it anyway. We will do this in executive session so no one will know about it until it’s too late. Just like we do everything else. We have become very, very good at this. Mainly because our voters and over-taxed taxpayers are ignorant and apathetic beyond all belief.”
Our Conservative Curmudgeon Stu Mahlin says:
Somebody should tell those so-called editors at The Fishwrap that Monday’s PULP (progressive, utopian, liberal puke) Guest Column by Disingenuous DemocRAT Aftab Pureval (who’s running against Republican Incumbent Steve Chabot) was Pure Evil.
Will Chabot be at least getting a chance to respond?
— TONIGHT’S REAL NEWS FROM OTHER SATIRICAL WEB SITES —
(Commenting On Today’s Top Stories)
TO SEE MORE STORIES FROM THE IRONIC TIMES, CLICK HERE
ANTIFA Group Threatens Violence
LOS ANGELES (World News Bureau) — An ANTIFA group vowed “revolutionary violence” during a May Day march in Los Angeles on Tuesday.
The small group of scrawny white millennials clad in hoodies and masks brandished a Trump effigy which they later attempted to hang from a tree, resulting in several minor injuries.
The centerpiece of the march was a fiery speech calling for physical conflict against the group’s enemies:
“We must prepare today, yesterday, tomorrow, and later tonight for the prolong confrontation, the protracted war, against the capitalist state!
We hereby declare war against all things poisonous to the people and our revolutionary cause! War on trash cans! War on store windows! War on street signs! War on bus stops! War on ATMS! War on anything downtown that’s not bolted down or fireproof! The blazing fire of our vengeance will consume everything in our path! HAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA.”
While no arrests were made during the march, several ANTIFA members were reportedly detained by police later for attempting to buy beer with fake IDs.
TO SEE MORE BIG HAIRY NEWS, CLICK HERE
Burgerville workers approve federally recognized union
Good Luck With That
MORE STORIES FROM THE PEOPLE’S CUBE, CLICK HERE
Bigoted Boy Scouts Welcome Girls But Still Exclude All 49,247 Other Genders
TO HEAR MORE BUZZ FROM THE BABYLON BEE, CLICK HERE
Mueller Poses As Fox News Host To Coax Rudy Giuliani Into Giving Him Testimony On Trump
TO SEE MORE STORIES FROM THE ONION, CLICK HERE
— Tonight’s Top Three Whistleblower Political Posters —
— HERE’S HOW YOU CAN SUPPORT YOUR FAVORITE FAKE NEWS SITE —
The Whistleblower Newswire Is The Official Publication of Record For The Conservative Agenda
The Blower believes we’re still living during the most important period in American History for our non-stop campaign against Political Correctness, the Devolution of American Culture, and the Liberal News Media. Congress and the Liberal Media Establishment will continue to lie and say really stupid things without a smidgen of journalistic integrity in their effort to advance the Liberal Agenda.
Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane Says The Conservative Agenda Is Now Completing Working On Donald Trump’s Third 100 Days To Make America Great Again. Today Is Day Number 469. There Are Now Only 913 More Days Until Trump’s Re-election Day on November 3, 2020.
