TODAY IS
WEDNESDAY, MARCH 10, 2021
TRUMP’S FORTY-NINTH DAY OUT-OF-OFFICE
AND HERE’S TODAY’S VIRUS UPDATE

March 10, 2021
Vol. XXVI: LOW-PROFILE ADVISORY

My Dear Friends and Benefactors,

Sieg heil!

Here I was, excited to announce our brand new fund-raising project, when one of Trump’s attorneys, that born-again bloviator Lin Wood, published a deposition by an anonymous whistleblower that contains a boatload of misinformation about our little network.

In short, this weasel claims that our network is rife with pedophile sex trafficking, and he names “names.”  Not only that, he goes into detail about the murders of Seth Rich and Justice Scalia.
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So, while we are waiting for the furor to die down, and for all these lies to be suppressed by our media empire, I am advising all of you to keep a low profile about our new project.  I can, however, reveal a few basic details about it, which will not cause us any problems.

As most of you know, the vast majority of these “unaccompanied minors” (OMG, who comes up with these euphemisms?!) now storming the southern American border are trafficked children and children who grew up in cartels and gangs.  Our new project is nothing but a compassionate response to this crisis: we are planning to build a new 500-bed dormitory for these unfortunate children so that they can be properly fed, educated, and cared for.

Now, I am sure that the right-wing media, part of that vast right-wing conspiracy, will try to portray this as a migrant detention center, but I assure you that it is anything but.  In fact, those 500 beds will be distributed in 125 comfortable rooms, with 2 bunk beds per room, closet space, desks, bathrooms and showers on each floor, a cafeteria, indoor swimming pool and whirlpool, recreation and workout facilities and an infirmary!  There are also some optional features that have yet to be finalized, such as laptops, cell phones, massage rooms, and video cameras…
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In fact, we have already lined up several prominent donors behind the scenes to fund this noble project.  Since we are in a low-profile advisory, however, I am keeping their names under wraps until our media empire turns attention away from the whistleblower’s deposition and onto the latest war or false flag right-wing insurrection.  But I can’t resist giving you a little hint: all you have to do is to consult Jeffrey Epstein’s flight logs, and you’ll have a pretty good idea of the magnitude of these donations!

So yet again, the revolutionary kindness that lies at the heart of our Temple will be there for all to see!  Oh, PS: we even have a name for this new dormitory: Pizza and Hot Dog House!