Your Official Publication of Record For The Conservative Agenda
FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 9, 2018
Tonight’s Top Conservative News Stories You Won’t See On The Front Page Of Tomorrow’s Fishwrap
(Or On Channels 5, 9, 12, And 19, Either)
— Tonight’s Top Whistleblower News Story —
TRUMP TELLS DOOFUS DEMS TO DO-OVER THEIR MEMO IN CURSIVE
—Tonight’s Top Trump Tweet —
DemocRATS: What Do You Stand For?
A Tale of DemocRAT Hypocrisy
Sean Spicer Slams Media Criticisms Of Military Parade Idea
They Can’t Take a Joke!
— NIGHTLY 2018 WINTER OLYMPICS UPDATE —
Current Local Time in PyeongChang, South Korea (PyeongChang-eup)
How to Pronounce PyeongChang | 2018 Winter Olympics
— QUOTE OF THE DAY —
Jeff Sessions: “No Department Is Perfect”
— TONIGHT’S MEDIA MOMENT —
— TONIGHT’S BEN GARRISON MOMENT
TO SEE MORE BEN GARRISON ILLUSTRATIONS, CLICK HERE
— TONIGHT’S PHOTO-SHOP EDITORIAL SPOOF ON CURRENT EVENTS FROM EDWARD CROPPER —
TO SEE MORE PHOTO SHOP EDITORIAL SPOOFS FROM EDWARD CROPPER, CLICK HERE
— Whistleblower NFL Boycott Countdown Continues —
— Tonight’s Whistleblower Faking News —
“All The News That’s Fit To Leak”
— TONIGHT’S REAL NEWS FROM OTHER SATIRICAL WEB SITES —
(Commenting On Today’s Top Stories)
TO SEE MORE STORIES FROM THE IRONIC TIMES, CLICK HERE
Philly ‘Noticeably Improved’ After Super Bowl Celebrations
PHILADELPHIA, Penn. (Big Hairy News) – In the wake of the Philadephia Eagles winning the Super Bowl last night, mobs of drunken fans rampaged through Philly’s downtown in an orgy of looting and destruction – setting fire to anything that would burn – including several transients.
The sight that greeted residents this morning was one of widespread devastation and surprise. “I hate to say it but in my opinion, this shithole is noticeably improved – too bad we couldn’t win the Super Bowl every week,” said Philadelphia Mayor James Kenney.
Authorities credit the Super Bowl celebrations for last night’s crime statistics: 12 homicides, over 90 injured in countless assaults and robberies and dozens of rapes – well below normal. 
TO SEE MORE BIG HAIRY NEWS, CLICK HERE
Rep. Adam Schiff-For-Brains (D-Ca) Unmasks Trump-Russian Spy Scandal
TO SEE MORE STORIES FROM THE PEOPLE’S CUBE, CLICK HERE
FOR THE BUDGET BUSTING SPENDING BILL
Portman, Brown, McConnell, Wenstrup
AGAINST THE BUDGET BUSTING SPENDING BILL
Paul, Chabot, Davidson, Massie
TO HEAR MORE BUZZ FROM THE BABYLON BEE, CLICK HERE
Nation Excited For Some Insane K-Pop Shit During Opening Ceremony
WASHINGTON, DC— Citing an overwhelming desire to see a dozen or so identically dressed teenage Korean girls sing close pedal-point harmonies while executing impossibly precise choreography, sources across the nation confirmed Friday they were excited for some completely insane K-pop shit to occur during the opening…
Exhausted Olympians Wake Up Early To Repeat Opening Ceremony For American Time Zones
TO SEE MORE STORIES FROM THE ONION, CLICK HERE
— Tonight’s Top Whistleblower Political Posters —
— HERE’S HOW YOU CAN SUPPORT YOUR FAVORITE FAKE NEWS SITE —
The Whistleblower Newswire Is The Official Publication of Record For The Conservative Agenda
The Blower believes we’re stilL living during the most important period in American History for our non-stop campaign against Political Correctness, the Devolution of American Culture, and the Liberal News Media. Congress and the Liberal Media Establishment will continue to lie and say really stupid things without a smidgen of journalistic integrity in their effort to advance the Liberal Agenda.
Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane Says The Conservative Agenda Is Now Completing Working On Donald Trump’s Third 100 Days To Make America Great Again. Today Is Day Number 385. There Are Now Only 997 More Days Until Trump’s Re-election Day on November 3, 2020.
