SUNDAY, FEBRUARY 12, 2017
HURLEY THE HISTORIAN says today is Lincoln’s real birthday, and to celebrate that occasion in 1999, the DemocRAT Controlled U.S. Senate voted to acquit Pants-Dropper-in-Chief Bill Clinton on his impeachment charges of perjury and obstruction of justice.
OUR QUOTE FOR TODAY COMMITTEE’S Abraham Lincoln quotation should come as no surprise: “You can fool all the people some of the time, and some of the people all the time, but you cannot fool all the people all the time.” Back then, however, Honest Abe could’ve never imagined today’s Republicans in Congress, who always appeared ready, willing, and able to cave in to Obama every chance they got.
THE LATEST POLLS: Whistleblower Pollster Ron Rasmussen says the slugfest continues as DemocRATS battle President Trump for every inch of ground. But 57% of voters believe the opposition between the president and Democrats in Congress is due mostly to partisan politics. Just 33% believe it’s mostly based instead on honest differences of opinion.
THURSDAY, OUR LATE NIGHT TV JOKEWATCHER SAID LATE NIGHT COMEDIANS WERE STILL TAKING CHEAP SHOTS AT TRUMP, LIKE JIMMY FALLON’S: Today the East Coast was hit with a major snowstorm and it forced New York City public schools to close. When she heard that, new Education Secretary Betsy DeVos was like, “Hey, my plan’s working already.”
CONAN O’BRIEN: A federal court has ruled against President Trump’s travel ban, and at 3:35 Trump tweeted in all-caps, “SEE YOU IN COURT.” Then again, Trump tweets “SEE YOU IN COURT” to someone every day at 3:35.
AND SETH MEYERS: A snowstorm in the Northeast today caused many schools in the area to close. Said Betsy DeVos, “What? The school closures weren’t supposed to start yet.”
NOW HERE’S THE LATEST FROM BUNKY TADWELL, The Odious Octegenarian, who says with all those presidential birthdays coming up this month, it’s no coincidence this poem appears in his “Sentimental Poems of Presidential Birthdays,” found in better bookstores everywhere, except in Cleves.
Honesty Might Not Be the Best Policy
They called him “Honest Abe”
He meant just what he said.
But Washington couldn’t handle that
So they shot him in the head.
SEEDIEST KIDS OF ALL: Although our campaign is not associated with the Failed United Way, your liberal guilt giving throughout the year still makes it all possible. This week’s Seediest Kid of All was “Me, Greg” Hartmann, an attention-starved Hyde Park second-grader who was never chosen for anything important, no matter how much he sucked up to everybody at school. [READ MORE HERE]
IN THIS WEEK’S COLUMN FROM PATRONAGE COUNTY TITLED “BE MY VALENTINE,” We learned the real meaning behind Valentine’s Day. That op-ed column first appeared in the legendary Mt. Washington Press on February 10, 1982.
PLARAGISM ALERT: Several Persons of Consequence noticed a tremendous similarity between this week’s Patronage County column entitled “Be My Valentine” published 34 years ago and Saturday’s “Valentine’s Daze” E-dition. Many of the words and phrases appear to have been copied verbatim, which means “word-for-word” for all our Failed Cincinnati Public Schools and Forrest Gump Schools graduates. Is it possible that somebody at The Whistleblower-Newswire pilfered the prose from that little-known op-ed columnist at the Mt. Washington Press for his own purposes? Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane says you may be sure we will be getting to the bottom of it.
MEANWHILE, OUR MUCKRAKER is working on a new story about the office pool at Cincinnati City Hall trying to predict the day, date, and time Diminutive DemocRAT Mayor John Cranley caves on his Stupid Sanctuary City Policy.
LIBERAL LUNACY: In Human Events’ “365 Ways to Drive a Liberal Crazy,” No. 137 says, it says during Black History Month (formerly known as February), always refer to it as “Fake History Month.” Then explain that you refuse to support a racist event which essentially demeans African Americans by subtly implying that they are too bigoted and dumb to relate to any historical event which doesn’t involve people with the right skin tone.
GOING GALT means taking the John Galt Pledge. Let’s all say it together: “I swear by my life, and my love of it, that I will never live for the sake of another man, nor ask another man to live for mine.”
WHISTLEBLOWER SENIOR BUSINESS EDITOR MERRILL FORBES says The House passed bills to block various regulations recently put into effect by former President Obama. The Senate approved Betsy DeVos to serve as the Secretary of Education, Senator Jeff Sessions (R-AL) to serve as Attorney General and Congressman Tom Price (R-GA) to serve as Secretary of Health and Human Services.
Next Week: The House will continue to vote to repeal various Obama-era regulations, including one related to state-run retirement plans (see below). The Senate will continue to hold confirmation votes on the pending Trump cabinet nominees, including Steve Mnuchin to serve as Treasury Secretary.
THE FREE GRAIN PARTY still stands as the last refuge of anyone who’s willing to help himself from the stores of others, and UNM student Simon Walker has a vision: if you need something, you should get it. If you have something you don’t need, you should give it away. Back in December, Walker started the Facebook group “Free Stuff ABQ” and by February, the group has collected nearly 2,000 members.
Free Grain Party Members include all DemocRATS, RINO Republicans, some TEA Partiers, quite a few Independents, disgruntled postal workers, senior citizens demanding free prescriptions, those who believe bigger government is the answer to all their problems, everybody who said “what Bill Clinton did was indefensible, but he shouldn’t be removed from office,” and those who think pork-barrel spending is OK as long as their district gets the money.
Unfortunately, that group probably doesn’t include all those Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span, Free-Stuff Grabbing, Low-Information Obama Supporters Who Put The Positively Worst President in History In The White House—Twice, and Failed Trying To Give Obama a Third Term By Voting For Hillary, and get all of their information from our Obama Supporters in the Press, like the ones at The Fishwrap and on Channel 5, 9, 12, and 19.
Racial Healing Update
Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane says he’s really proud he was that he and his brother from a different mother Buckwheat Blackwell are again finalists for this year’s Ebony and Ivory Racial Healing Awards during Black History Month (sometimes called Half-Black History Month in honor Obama and other times called #If Black Lives Really Mattered History Month in honor of Obama’s Protesters), and Award-winning Photo Illustrator Artis Conception thinks those guys have a pretty good chance.
Remember: We never print all the bad stuff we know and certain people ought to be damn glad we don’t, especially Hamilton County’s Disingenuous Double-Dipping Democrat Auditor, who still hasn’t explained exactly how his office came up with its Fair Property Values for your Jacked-Up Property Taxes. Award Winning Photo Illustrator Artis Conception shows us what might happen if you file a complaint with the Auditor’s Board of Revision.
AND COMING UP IN “THE WEEK THAT WILL BE”:
MONDAY (FEBRUARY 13) we’ll be reminding everybody not to forget Valentine’s Day on Tuesday.
TUESDAY (FEBRUARY 14) our Real Subscribers will be commenting on how well their retirement accounts are doing during the Trump Administration.
WEDNESDAY, (FEBRUARY 15) The Blower will be checking to see how many of Cincinnati’s mayoral and clown-cil candidates are allowing Illegal Immigrants to stay in their homes.
THURSDAY (FEBRUARY 16) we’ll be catching up on Black Lives Really, Really Matter History Month, and checking all those white people’s “Guilt Indexes.”
THE FIRST LINE OF FRIDAY’S (FEBRUARY 17) LIMERICK IS: “If You Forget St. Valentine’s Day.”
AND SATURDAY (FEBRUARY 18) we’ll be getting ready for the big Presidents Daze Weekend, even if we don’t have to buy a mattress.
Plagiarism Count: Unattributed material was filched from a mere 742 different websites for the production of today’s Blower, many of our filches were from our friends at Weasel Zippers.
WEEK IN REVIEW HOT LINE
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Some political score-keeping items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally political score-keeping subscribers, but let’s face it, we could always use a lot more.
Tonight’s Whistleblower Video
Abraham Lincoln Song
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