SUNDAY, MARCH 13, 2016
More Politics Unusual
HURLEY THE HISTORIAN says on this date in 1781 William Hershel discovered Uranus, but it should be obvious Obama still can’t get his head out of his ass.
NO WONDER OUR QUOTE FOR TODAY COMMITTEE CHOSE Jay Leno’s “Liberals are asking us to give Obama time. We agree and think 25-to-life would be appropriate.”
THE LATEST POLLS: Whistleblower Pollster Ron Rasmussen says It could be bad news for the Republican establishment as it wages an unprecedented effort to stop Donald Trump from winning the party’s presidential nomination: GOP voters feel even more strongly that they will support Trump if he runs as an independent. [READ MORE HERE]
OUR LATE NIGHT TV JOKEWATCHER liked Conan O’Brien’s: Despite Donald Trump’s tough stance on immigration, Trump Modeling Agency is being accused of hiring lower-paid foreign models. In his defense, Trump says those aren’t laborers, those are “future wives.” A reporter claims she was pushed down by one of Donald Trump’s campaign advisers. Isn’t that crazy? Donald Trump has a campaign adviser. Republicans are blaming President Obama for creating Donald Trump. While others say he was created in a lab when a young real estate developer was bitten by a radioactive douchebag.
Jimmy Kimmel said: Hillary Clinton debated Bernie Sanders last night in Miami and what got most people’s attention, weirdly, was the color of Bernie Sanders’ suit. Some people online said it looked brown. Some people said it looked blue. A few lunatics said eggplant. Clearly, the suit is brown. I mean, that suit is so brown, Donald Trump wants to have it deported. The suit has resulted in a big argument on Twitter. There’s a debate about the debate. It was like election “Inception” or something. As a country we could stop focusing on things like the color of Bernie Sanders’ suit and start focusing on the fact that he was able to successfully dress himself. There have been more Republican debates than seasons of “Dancing with the Stars.” The chairman of the Republican National Committee said he was hoping for a G-rated night tonight. I love that we’ve reached the point where the party has to remind a candidate not to discuss the size of his [manhood] on television during the debate.
LIBERAL LUNACY: In Human Events’ “365 Ways to Drive a Liberal Crazy,” #91 says you should turn up at your local Muslim outreach program by wearing an “I’d rather be Waterboarding” t-shirt.
GOING GALT means taking the John Galt Pledge. Let’s all say it together: “I swear by my life, and my love of it, that I will never live for the sake of another man, nor ask another man to live for mine.”
IN THIS WEEK’S COLUMN FROM PATRONAGE COUNTY TITLED “Your Money’s Worth” told what happened when the Coalition Opposing Unemployed Politicians came up with the idea of electing nine county commissioners instead of three. This op-ed column first appeared in the feisty Mt. Washington Press, personally edited by eminently renowned publisher Dennis Nichols on March 18, 1981.
NOW HERE’S THE LATEST FROM BUNKY TADWELL (OUR ODIOUS OCTEGENARIAN), THE BARD OF CLEVES, whose latest book, “Up Your Equinox” is available at better bookstores everywhere, except of course in Cleves:
Springing Forward
Spring is almost here
It brings some warmer breezes
It also brings more allergies
And watery eyes and sneezes.
MEANWHILE, after The Muckraker’s Memo on “Gateway Greed” this week, Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo says State Senator Christian McDaniel read from a Kentucky Center for Investigative Reporting article on the Senate floor Thursday and called for an investigation of the compensation of all former Kentucky college presidents. McDaniel said the investigative report about a secret $348,000 payment to a retired community college president in Northern Kentucky begs broader scrutiny of state universities and colleges and their affiliated nonprofit foundations. [READ MORE HERE]
WHISTLEBLOWER SENIOR BUSINESS EDITOR MERRILL FORBES says on Wall Street This Week: Starbucks Scores and IBM Snores (In quarterly reports this week, Starbucks is expected to have double-digit growth in revenue and earnings, and IBM double-digit declines.)
THE FREE GRAIN PARTY still stands as the last refuge of anyone who’s willing to help himself from the stores of others, and many Free Grain Party Members were listening to the latest Disingenuous DemocRAT Debate to see how much FREE Stuff was being promised. But do Bernie’s supporters have any idea how much all that FREE Stuff he’s promising will wind up costing them?
Free Grain Party Members include all DemocRATS, RINO Republicans, some TEA Partiers, quite a few Independents, disgruntled postal workers, senior citizens demanding free prescriptions, those who believe bigger government is the answer to all their problems, everybody who said “what Bill Clinton did was indefensible, but he shouldn’t be removed from office,” and those who think pork-barrel spending is OK as long as their district gets the money.
Unfortunately, that group probably doesn’t include all those Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span, Free-Stuff Grabbing, Low-Information Obama Supporters Who Put The Positively Worst President in History In The White House—Twice, and get all of their information from our Obama Supporters in the Press.
FINALLY AT TONIGHT’S MEETING OF THE CONSERVATIVE AGENDA, Political Insiders were asking Charles Foster Kane why John Kasich probably won’t be able to count on much support from Conservatives in Ohio on Tuesday. First the New York Times endorsed him. Then The Fishwrap endorsed him. Ohio Senator Rob “Fighting For Same Sex Marriage” Portman endorsed him. And this weekend, only a few days before the Primary Election, Disgraced and Reviled Former Speaker John Boehner endorsed him. How many Kisses of Death can one Candidate endure?
Plagiarism Count: Unattributed material was filched from a mere 742 different websites for the production of today’s Blower, many of our filches were from our friends at Weasel Zippers.
AND COMING UP IN “THE WEEK THAT WILL BE”
MONDAY (MARCH 14) begins Political Backstabbers Week, while we’re continuing our countdown of the 313 days remaining during the Dark Ages of Obama’s Second Term, unless he’s impeached.
TUESDAY (March 15) we’ll be asking wondering if it’s just a coincidence that Backstabbers Day is on the same day as the Primary Elections in Ohio, and our Real E-Mails from Real Subscribers have to say about that.
WEDNESDAY (MARCH 16) everybody will waiting to see if Ohio Governor John Kasich keeps his promise to get out of the 2016 Presidential Campaign if all those Marco Rubio Supporters didn’t vote for him yesterday.
THURSDAY (MARCH 17) we’ll be we’ll be celebrating Ohio Senator Rob “Fighting for Same Sex Marriage” Portman’s third anniversary of announcing his son had been afflicted by The Gayness, as all of our Heterosexual Hibernians celebrate Saint Patrick’s Day.
THE FIRST LINE OF FRIDAY’S (MARCH 18) LIMERICK IS “This year on BB&BJ Day”
AND SATURDAY (MARCH 19) we’ll be our Official “Remembering Shock and Awe” E-dition, and we’ll see if Donald Trump is using the same strategery on The Republican Establishment today.
Remember: We never print all the bad stuff we know and certain people ought to be damn glad we don’t, especially LYING POLITICIANS!
Also Remember: We never print all the bad stuff we know and certain people ought to be damn glad we don’t, especially Ohio Governor John “What Me Worry” Kasich. Award Winning Photo Illustrator Artis Conception shows us what that would look like on Tuesday’s Election Night.
WEEK IN REVIEW HOT LINE
e-mail your revolutionary recaps today
Some political score-keeping items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally political score-keeping subscribers, but let’s face it, we could always use a lot more.
Today’s Whistleblower Video
How Liberal Journalists Think
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