SUNDAY, MARCH 13, 2016
This Sunday in America… at the Church of The Compassionate Conservative, Beloved Whistleblower Publisher, the Right-Wing Reverend Charles Foster Kane was asking his Political Parishioners to ask for God’s help to make sure only voters who are actually smart enough to vote show up at the polls on Tuesday.
It will be bad enough in 240 more days at next year’s 2016 Elections when all those Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span, Free-Stuff Grabbing, Low-Information Obama Supporters Who Put The Positively Worst President in History In The White House—Twice, and get all of their information from our Obama Supporters in the Press, like the ones on Channel 5, stand in line to vote for more FREE stuff, on March 15 we have our Primary Elections to determine which candidates will be running in the November Elections, and it would truly be best for society if only people who really knew what they were voting for or against actually showed up at their local polling places to vote. 
Not to worry, this year there are lots of folks eager to educate our all of our dumbed-down voters. They even have “Voter Guides” to tell you which candidate to vote for. The Feckless Fishwrappers have a voter guide. They call it their “List of Endorsements.” The Hamilton County RINO Party’s voter guide includes “Sample Ballots.” The Citizens for Community Values Voter Guide tells you who all the gay and lesbian candidates are. The League of Women Vipers Voter Guide lists all Disguised DemocRATS as “independents,” and the Independents Voter Guide tells you to drive to Independence Kentucky to cast your ballot. Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo says Kentucky.com won’t have much information about where the candidates stand on the issues today, since their Primary isn’t until May 17. You’ll have to go to StupidVoter.com for that. The Blower had a Conservative Voter Guide in 2012. For sure, we’ll have to come up with one for the 2016 Elections.
Buckeye Bureau Chief Gerry Manders says with The Fishwrap already showing pictures of people lining up to see Donald Trump in West Chester this morning, the most important issue on Tuesday’s ballots all over Ohio will surely be the Republican Presidential Primary. That’s why all weekend, Ohio RINO Governor John Kasich’s campaign team will be trying to come up with an excuse for Kasich to use during his concession speech Tuesday night to explain why he won’t really be getting out of the 2016 Presidential Primary like he’s promised. After all, he’s already agreed to support the nominee.
Kasich probably won’t be able to count on much support from Conservatives in Ohio on Tuesday. First the New York Times endorsed him. Then The Fishwrap endorsed him. Ohio Senator Rob “Fighting For Same Sex Marriage” Portman endorsed him. And this weekend, only a few days before the Primary Election, Disgraced and Reviled Former Speaker John Boehner endorsed him. How many Kisses of Death can one Candidate endure?
