SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 29, 2015
More Politics Unusual
THE LATEST POLLS: Whistleblower Pollster Ron Rasmussen says The Thanksgiving weekend gives us all a needed break to catch our breath from the world’s pressing events and to remind us what we are really thankful for. But Americans are also increasingly aware that some folks out there aren’t all that thankful for America. Republican presidential frontrunner Donald Trump says he would support government tracking of Muslims living in the United States through a federal database, a plan his fellow GOP rivals say is going too far. But one-in-three voters (32%) support government monitoring of individual Muslims, up 10 points from July 2013 just after the Boston Marathon bombing. After all, even before the recent terrorist attacks in Paris, voters were less confident in their safety here at home than they have ever been. [READ MORE HERE]
OUR LATE NIGHT TV JOKEWATCHER liked Jimmy Fallon’s: “In a recent interview, Ben Carson said that Thomas Jefferson wrote the U.S. Constitution, when he actually wrote the Declaration of Independence. Or as Carson’s campaign staff put it, “Close enough!” Donald Trump was recently being interviewed, and said that he’s not a fan of the man bun trend, and wouldn’t want to wear his hair that way. You know it’s bad when even Donald Trump is like, “I’m not putting that on my head.” I saw that NBC has officially granted Mike Huckabee, John Kasich, Jim Gilmore and Lindsey Graham free airtime to equal Donald Trump’s recent Saturday Night Live appearance. When asked how they’ll feature the candidates, NBC was like, “Let’s just say the Thanksgiving Day Parade just got a few more clowns.”
HURLEY THE HISTORIAN says according to media mythology, Black Friday (the Day After Thanksgiving) is NOT a racial holiday. It’s actually one of the busiest shopping days of the year and the beginning of the period where retailers would no longer have losses (in the red) and instead take in the year’s profits (in the black). But why do retail store owners really call the day after Thanksgiving “Black Friday?” WLW Hate Radio Racist in Residence Bill Cunningham says it’s because it’s the biggest shoplifting day of the year and Obama Supporters are proud of their bumper stickers that say “I’d rather be stealing.”
MAYBE THAT’S WHY OUR QUOTE FOR TODAY COMMITTEE chose this observation from an unknown author: “It’s called Black Friday, because only in America, people trample others for sales exactly one day after being thankful for what they already have.”
LIBERAL LUNACY: In Human Events’ “365 Ways to Drive a Liberal Crazy,” #327 is when the holidays finally roll around, always say: “Merry Christmas,” never “Happy Holidays.” Not only do 70% of Americans prefer it—according to Rasmussen polls—but you are much more likely to offend a liberal. While 88% of Republican voters prefer “Merry Christmas,” only 57% of DemocRATS do.
GOING GALT says Thanksgiving is not his favorite holiday, since it celebrates the American Puritan myth of cooperation and community instead of individuality and the free market. Followers of John Galt believe they are a society of people who have paid more than their fair share of taxes and are no longer going to work to pay for a society of entitlements.
IN LAST WEEK’S COLUMN FROM PATRONAGE COUNTY, Persons of Consequence can now follow the on-going antics of the –dare we say, “mythical?”– cast of characters from The Blower’s archived columns. These articles will be Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane’s attempt to encourage undiscovered young writers, such as our brand new columnist who shares his acute and oh-so-accurate take on local Politics as Usual in satirical Patronage County. This week’s column titled “Fit to be Tied” first appeared in the Mt. Washington Press on November 26, 1980, personally edited by eminently renowned publisher Dennis Nichols.
MORE POLITICAL POETRY: Bunky Tadwell, the Bard of Cleves is already in the kitchen whipping up a batch of Wilford Brimley’s Erotic Stuffing Mix for Thanksgiving, but he still had time to dash off a couple of early Turkey Day odes:
Too much turkey
And cranberry jelly
Too little trousers
To cover my belly
MEANWHILE, OUR MUCKRAKER says remember the traffic cop wearing a baseball cap backward and the officer at a traffic accident scene without flares, reflective vest, or ample warning to oncoming motorists? Strong indicators of little or no field supervision. Combine that with a corrupt union president and an announcement by a local merchant of free stuff for the cops and endorsed by the Chief’s office – yep, it’s just the tip of the iceberg!
SEEDIEST KIDS OF ALL: Although our campaign is not associated with the Failed United Way, your liberal guilt giving throughout the year still makes it all possible. This week, let’s all re-read “The Porky Dorkman Story.”
WHISTLEBLOWER SENIOR BUSINESS EDITOR MERRILL FORBES says we expect talk about whether or not the Fed will raise interest rates in its December meeting to intensify next week, especially with regard to the Bureau of Labor Statistics’ non-farm payroll report a week from today. Chairwoman Janet Yellen & Co. will be looking closely for meaningful signs of weakness in U.S. employment trends; at this time, this seems to be the only foreseeable thing keeping the Fed from ratcheting up the nominal interest rate.
THE FREE GRAIN PARTY still stands as the last refuge of anyone who’s willing to help himself from the stores of others, and local cops taking advantage of offers of free stuff from a local merchant sound like they would like to be included.
Free Grain Party Members include all DemocRATS (especially Black Voters who sell their votes for FREE Stuff), RINO Republicans, some TEA Partiers, quite a few Independents, disgruntled postal workers, senior citizens demanding free prescriptions, those who believe bigger government is the answer to all their problems, everybody who said “what Bill Clinton did was indefensible, but he shouldn’t be removed from office,” and those who think pork-barrel spending is OK as long as their district gets the money.
Unfortunately, that group probably doesn’t include all those Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span, Free-Stuff Grabbing, Low-Information Obama Supporters Who Put The Positively Worst President in History In The White House—Twice, and get all of their information from our Obama Supporters in the Press.
FINALLY, AT YESTERDAY’S MEETING OF THE CONSERVATIVE AGENDA, Political Insiders Political Insiders were asking Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane about the way American Values have been continually denigrated during the Age of Obama as our nation is have being taken over by those who will destroy it Morally, Financially, and Politically. It’s not just the Stupid People who voted for Obama and the Disingenuous DemocRATS, but the rest of us have also allowed it to happen, all in the Names Of Ignorance, Apathy, Laziness, and Being Politically Correct. Shame on all of us for continuing to let it happen!
Plagiarism Count: Unattributed material was filched from a mere 742 different websites for the production of today’s Blower, many of our filches were from our friends at Weasel Zippers.
AND COMING UP IN “THE WEEK THAT WILL BE”:
MONDAY (NOVEMBER 30) The Blower will be publishing our Annual 2015 Holiday Confusion Issue,” the 416 Days of Dishonesty and Division for America remaining during the Dark Ages of Obama’s Second Term, unless the First Black President in History is impeached.
TUESDAY (DECEMBER 1) will be our “Early Christmas Sales” E-dition and, Real Subscribers will be telling us what they’re shopping for with their Real E-Mails.
WEDNESDAY, (DECEMBER 2) will be the much-awaited Graydon Head Holiday Party at the Fort Mitchell County Club, making Jews feel welcome, just like they’ve always done in Northern Kentucky since 2003, four days before Hanukkah actually begins on December 6. We’ll be seeing if Jews are still made to feel welcome in Northern Kentucky like they’ve always done since 2003, even without Rick “The Batboy” Robinson doing his impersonation of Adam Sandler.
THURSDAY (DECEMBER 3) we’ll be announcing the winners of the 2015 Whistleblower Turkey of the Year Contest (sponsored by Dummy’s Restaurant),” and we hope you’ll be surprised.
THE FIRST LINE OF FRIDAY’S (DECEMBER 4) LIMERICK IS: “Is there help for the old GOP?”
AND SATURDAY (DECEMBER 5) we’ll getting ready for Hanukkah on Sunday, while we’re also getting ready for another sneak attack on the Anniversary of Pearl Harbor on Monday.
Remember: We never print all the bad stuff we know and certain people ought to be damn glad we don’t, especially Hamilton County Dem-Labor Party Boss Tim Burka, hearing from an unexpected judicial candidate, as this Award Winning Illustration from Artis Conception’s Archives clearly shows.
WEEK IN REVIEW HOT LINE
e-mail your revolutionary recaps today
Some political score-keeping items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally political score-keeping subscribers, but let’s face it, we could always use a lot more.
Whistleblower Video of the Week
Failure of Intelligence: How Liberals Cause ISIS Terror Attacks
The mainstream media says that retaliation against the Islamic terrorists is what will radicalize the moderate Muslims, but Bill Whittle begs to differ…
Note: We guarantee iPhone subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.
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