Tuesday, November 25, 2014        

Real E-Mails from Real Subscribers

On Thursday’s date in 1941, President Franklin D. Roosevelt signed a bill officially establishing the fourth Thursday in November as Thanksgiving Day, but don’t be surprised if somehow Obama tries to take credit. — Hurley the Historian

And on Thanksgiving, we’ll be choosing Ronald Reagan’s “Perhaps no custom reveals our character as a Nation so clearly as our celebration of Thanksgiving Day. Rooted deeply in our Judeo-Christian heritage, the practice of offering thanksgiving underscores our unshakable belief in God as the foundation of our Nation and our firm reliance upon Him from Whom all blessings flow.” —Your Quote for Today Committee

But last Thanksgiving, we were thankful for America’s Imperial Presidency Moment last Thursday, when Emporer-in-Chief Obama embarked on a scorched-earth rampage that will change the face of America forever by declaring Illegal Executive Amnesty to turn Illiterate Illegal Immigrants into DemocRAT Voters. —The White House

And this Thanksgiving, we’ll be thankful The Blower will be covering the upcoming 423 Days of Dishonesty and Division for America remaining during the Dark Ages of Obama’s Second Term, unless the First Black President in History is impeached, after all those Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span, Free-Stuff Grabbing, Low-Information Obama Supporters Who Put The Positively Worst President in History In The White House—Twice, and get all of their information from our Obama Supporters in the Press, ensured that the Divided States of America would have a government it truly deserves. —The Conservative Agenda 

This Thanksgiving, we’re thankful for socialized medicine, wealth redistribution, anti-gun judges, higher taxes, open borders, and class warfare, but especially all that FREE STUFF! —Obama’s Moochers and Slackers

This Thanksgiving, we’ll be accusing Obama of “pimping” for the poultry industry with his annual pardoning of the official Thanksgiving turkey, but not condemning the killing of 45 million birds for the annual American feast.—PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals)

This Thanksgiving, will failure continue to stalk Obama? We remember two years ago when we reported all eight Turkeys he’d previously pardoned on Thanksgiving had died. —ABC News

This Thanksgiving, I’ll be thankful if PMSNBC finally doesn’t have to discipline another host like they had to do two years ago when they fired Martin Bashir for saying he’d like to see somebody “Shit in my Mouth!” —Sarah Palin

This Thanksgiving, we’ll be complaining that we didn’t get an ObamaCare Carve Out like Congress did. —Obama’s Buddies in Big Labor

This Thanksgiving, we’ll be thankful for Obama’s Justice Department and all those Obama Supporters in the Press looking the other way. —DemocRAT Vote Frauders

This Thanksgiving, the GOP doesn’t have to fear a government shutdown over immigration because that 2013 shutdown over Obamacare didn’t hurt our party at the polls. —Texas TEA Party Senator Ted Cruz

This Thanksgiving, we’ll be thankful for COAST’s Avaricious Attorney Chris Finney’s case which allowed politicians the “Right to Lie” during political campaigns. —Ohio DemocRATS  

This Thanksgiving, the economy is so bad maybe CNN and PMSNBC will have to lay off hundreds more Obama spokesmen. —Jay Leno

This Thanksgiving, I’ll be thankful if nobody remembers my promise to resign after Romney lost the election. —WLW Hate Radio Trash Talker Bill Cunningham

This Thanksgiving, I’ll be thankful if every Real Republican in Hamilton County hasn’t asked me to resign. —Hamilton County RINO Party Boss Alex T. Mall Cop GOP

This Thanksgiving, I’ll be wondering if I’ll have have a real opponent in next year’s primary elections. —“Bronze Star Brad” Wenstrup

This Thanksgiving, I’d be thankful if The Blower didn’t point out I’d already changed my views on Obama’s Illegal Amnesty before my re-election. —Ohio RINO Governor Kasich-Taylor

This Thanksgiving, we’re thankful some people are still coming to our meetings. —Clermont County TEA Partiers

This Thanksgiving, I’m thankful I found a job teaching politics at Chatfield College, wherever the hell that is. —“Mean Jean” Schmidt

This Thanksgiving, I’ll be thankful to all those rich white donors who gave me all that money to piss away as a Black Republican trying to win in a Black Ohio State Senate District. —Charlie Windbag

This Thanksgiving, I’d be happy if people would stop asking me why I bailed out of 2016 Re-election Campaign against a Dumbed-Down DemocRAT who’s proud to be Hillary’s Spokesperson. —Hamilton County Commissioner Me, Greg Hartmann

This Thanksgiving, I’m still thankful for all those Streetcar Fanatics who won me my mayorship against the assumed favorite Foxy Roxy, although I haven’t heard much from them after those Disloyal DemocRATS I helped get elected to City Clown-cil stabbed me in the back. —Diminutive DemocRAT Cincinnati Mayor John Cranley

This Thanksgiving, despite a felony conviction and looming other criminal charges, my main squeeze State Senator Cecil Thomas told Hamilton County Demo-Labor Party Boss Tim Burka I intends to run for my own seat on the Hamilton County Juvenile Court. — Convicted Ditzy DemocRAT Juvie Judge Traci Hunter

This Thanksgiving, we’re thank the jury only convicted Ditzy DemocRAT Juvie Judge Traci Hunter on one of the nine counts, so we we get to try her on the other eighth charges and get paid a lot more again.—”JayWalking Joe” Deters’ Personally Appointed Special Prosecutors (iF you know what we mean) Crosswell and Shiverdecker

 

This Thanksgiving, we’re glad the City’s Over-Taxed Payers didn’t force us to co-sign for that million dollars Dainty DemocRAT Mayor Mark Mallory helped Mahogany’s Liz Rogers scam from the City. —The Soul Food Six (Clown-sale Members Wendell Young, Charlie Winburn, Rich Heiress Boy Alexander Paul George Sittenfeld, Yvette Simpson, Laure “Not So” Cleanlivin’, and Cecil Thomas)

This Thanksgiving, we’re glad we were elected to four-year terms. —The Stupid Streetcar Six (Clown-cil Members Flynn Flam” are Clown-cil Gay Chris Squealback, P.G. Sittenfeld, Yvette Simpson, and Wendell Young, along with Vice Mayor David Mann)

This Thanksgiving, I’ll be thankful for Dumbed Down DemocRAT Voters who forgot to help me keep my seat on Cincinnati City Clown-cil, when Foxy Roxy and I rode the Stupid Streetcar to defeat. —Laure “Not So Cleanlivin”

This Thanksgiving, we’re thankful the Reds finished in last place 36 games behind the Cardinals. —Cincinnati Reds Season Ticket Holders

This Thanksgiving, I’m glad I live in the Queen City. —City Clown-cil Gay Chris Squealback

This Thanksgiving, as I plan my 2016 Senatorial campaign, I’m glad my political future will be forever tied to same-sex marriage. —Rob “Fighting for Squealbacks” Portman

This Thanksgiving, we’re glad we still have jobs. —Those Few Fishwrappers Who Haven’t Been Fired Yet  

This Thanksgiving, I’m thankful all those voters were really wide awake when a Dishonest Disguised Obama Liberal DemocRAT got herself elected by telling a lot of lies to defeat me by successfully convincing a lot of dumbed-down voters that she was really “non-partisan.”  — Anderson Trustee President “In Russ We Trust” Jackson

This Thanksgiving, we’re glad we’ve not yet been notified someone has nominated us for the Whistleblower’s 2014 Turkey of the Year Contest. —Anderson Township Trustee Josh Gerth and Anderson TEA Party Guy Andy Pappas 

This Thanksgiving, we’re thankful more mementos didn’t get filched when we allowed our house to be used for a soiree to celebrate the Forrest Gump School District’s humongous $103 million Tax Hike Scam (that will really cost $170 million on top of the thousands of dollars in school taxes property owners are already paying). —Joe & Lorraine Mayernik

This Thanksgiving, we’d be happy if John Boehner’s hand-picked successor Paul Ryanwould stop compromising and start impeaching. —Firebrands at Grasstops USA

This Thanksgiving, we’ll be thankful for all those patriots signing our petitions. —Secessionists for a Divided America

This Thanksgiving, we’ll be thankful for your liberal guilt giving throughout the year that makes all of our programs possible. —The Seediest Kids of All

This Thanksgiving, we’ll be thankful The Blower plans to publicize all of our efforts to help the losers of life’s lottery. —United Appall People

This Thanksgiving, I’ll be thankful for all my snitches in Northern Kentucky. —Ken CamBoo

This Thanksgiving, I’ll be thankful I still have all that TEA Party support. —Bluegrass GOP Governor-elect Matt Bevin

This Thanksgiving, I’m thankful Race Baiter Al Sharpton posed for a selfie with me in the Senate Dining Room last year. —Rand Paul

This Thanksgiving, I’m thankful there’s no longer a local lawyer dumb enough to file frivolous lawsuits against me all the time. —Our Good Friend, Kenton County Commonwealth’s Attorney E. Rob Sanders

This Thanksgiving, I’m thankful for all that wonderful publicity I continue to receive in The Blower. —Eric “Call Me Crazy” Deters

This Thanksgiving, I’ll be thankful my name hasn’t been in The Blower too much lately that I can remember. —Michael Liquid Plummer

This Thanksgiving, the best part about Thanksgiving Day dinner with your family in Kentucky is when you get to pump-kin. —Ben Dover and Phil McKrevis

This Thanksgiving, I’ll still be confused about Wilford Brimley’s Erotic No-Hands Turkey Stuffing Tips. If you hold tight to each of the turkey’s legs, what do you use to mash in the stuffing? —Horny in Hebron

This Thanksgiving, as usual we’re giving thanks for Cincinnati City Clown-cil. —Bluegrass Developers

This Thanksgiving at our company Thanksgiving Day dinner we’ll be serving Turkey Tacos. ——Northern Kentucky Home Builders

This Thanksgiving, will Scott “Pass the Drumsticks” Kimmich and I still be banned from the Golden Corral buffet? —Clueless Marc Wilson

This Thanksgiving, be sure to wipe off your turkey-baster before your wife re-uses it. —Goof Doofus

This Thanksgiving, don’t stuff your turkey with anything but dressing. —Rick “The BatBoy” Robinson

This Thanksgiving, would people show up if we raced turkeys? —Turfway Park

Turkeys don’t fly? —Les Nessman, WKRP

This Thanksgiving, we’ll be serving green turkey bologna sandwiches at the Kenton County Escape Center. —Terry “The Smiling Jailer” Carl

This Thanksgiving, we’ll be showing “Turkeys from Outer Space.” —Flashlight Theatre

They call it Thanksgiving because we are all so thankful that it only comes once a year. —Bobby Leach

Why isn’t my birthday celebrated as a national holiday? — Squanto

Which would you like on Thanksgiving: a little “suc,” or a little “tash?” —Phyllis on Madison

We’re thankful for all those people who e-mailed their nominations to our 2015 Biggest Turkey of the Year Award Contest. —Dummy’s Restaurant

The best part about Thanksgiving dinner at the station is when we grab Trish “The Dish’s” legs and Trish says, “Make a wish.” —TV 19 Photographers

You guys can’t fool me. That’s another dirty joke, right? —TV 5’s Sheree Paolello

Remember: We never print all the bad stuff we know and certain people ought to be damn glad we don’t, especially some of last year’s 2014 Turkey of the Year Nominees.

   — Whistleblower Official Weekly Disclaimer—      

         Sometimes The Blower makes fun of food fetishes to show that fornicating your food is bad table manners and will not be tolerated in our society. This should be clear to anybody who isn’t a Foodfuker.  

          This publication is a work of fiction. Any similarity to persons living or dead without satirical intent is purely coincidental — especially “WILFORD BRIMLEY,” whose Erotic No-Hands Turkey Stuffing Tips are always a holiday favorite for many of our Pervert Subscribers.

WILFORD BRIMLEY HOT LINE

e-mail your stuffing tips today.

Some turkey stuffing items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally turkey stuffing subscribers.

                    WHISTLEBLOWER VIDEO OF THE DAY 

         Thanksgiving Dinner: Will It Blend?

Note: We guarantee Blackberry subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.

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