WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 4, 2015

And Here’s Some Of The Proof

At this afternoon’s meeting of the Conservative Agenda, Political Insiders were asking Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane about some of the stupid things Voters cast their ballots for and against on Tuesday, like legalizing marijuana.

“A lot of people in Anderson Township also proved that yesterday,” said our Angry Andersonian, referring to how voters in a historically Republican Township elected a Dishonest, Disguised Obama Liberal DemocRAT who’d successful convinced a lot of people including Republicans that she was really non-partisan.”

“I convinced,” Kane explained, “sometimes people prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that they’re just too stupid to be given a say in decisions that affect everyone else.” 

“You’re right,” agreed our Compassionate Conservative, “All those Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span, Free-Stuff Grabbing, Low-Information Obama Voters Who Put Obama In The White House—Twice, and get all of their information from our Obama Supporters in the Press, should never be allowed within 100 feet of a voting booth.

“But everybody has a right to vote,” Kane said. “You can’t do away with that. But surely your vote should be worth more than a person’s who can’t even pass a sixth grade civics test or someone who’d stand in line to vote for people who only have to promise them more FREE stuff to get their votes.

“But the problem is, these days it’s too easy for stupid people to vote. It should be harder. I copied down some ideas I saw online in this Brietbart article:

“We need some sort of literacy test. Remember, in America, bogus literacy tests were once used by the DemocRAT Party to disenfranchise Black voters (together, of course, with the KKK – another DemocRAT institution), but we’ve never really found out what the effect of a fair, universally applied literacy test would be on the voting public.”

“I’m not saying we should apply a blanket rule overnight to exclude anyone incapable of rational thought – Liberal Activists, Fishwrap columnists, or single women over 30 – but shouldn’t we have a system in place that protects wealth-creators from the envy-driven politics of the lower orders and from unscrupulous left-wing politicians with a vested interest in getting everyone hooked on welfare?

“To my mind, if you expect to have a say in the way this country is governed, you should be able to express yourself fluently in English. And you should be able to answer basic questions about how we run our country. Morons, who don’t know Joe Biden’s name, can’t remember which party Republicans and DemocRATS are, and can’t pronounce the word “Conservatives” should be barred from voting until they do.

“An IQ test is the least we can do to ensure, in these perilous economic times, that we don’t allow the inmates to take over the asylum, we’ve seen during the past seven years of the Obama Administration.

“I mean, be honest. Do we really want people who can barely tie their own shoelaces together electing Congressmen? The sort of people ruled by fear, emotion and ignorance instead of facts and reason? (I know what you’re thinking: no radical feminist would ever get to vote again. This would be merely a happy by-product of the new system, I assure you.)

“To those who worry that an education or IQ-based voting system would bias results toward trendy metropolitan liberals with their hang-ups about microaggressions and transgender pronouns, I urge you not to worry. These goofballs are a tiny fraction of the population, as we saw at the last election. I have faith in the good sense of the majority of the (property-owning) American public.

“Liberals like to claim that Conservative voters are stupid and that mandatory voting would benefit right-wing parties. But, if that’s so, why are they so horrified by the idea of making voting a bit harder? I’ll tell you. Because they’re lying: they know that the inner-city ghettos, Black, white or otherwise, who vote for left-wing hand-outs are populated by poorly educated voters who don’t know what the hell they’re doing and probably can’t name a single person in government besides Obama.

“So, anyway, I say it’s time to reintroduce some civic responsibility to our great nation and encourage our citizens to learn a bit more about politics before they’re able to voice their opinion at the ballot box. And if they fall short of the equal opportunities criterion of intelligence, scoring ‘dunderhead’ or below on an IQ test, well, so be it. I’m Sorry to break it to you, but all voters are not created equal.

“But if you think those reforms go too far, let’s at least agree on this: voting should be made quite a bit harder, and we should start emphasizing responsibilities a bit more often, rather than constantly harping on about rights. Democracy is a luxury few in the world enjoy. We should demand better of our fellow citizens, if we are to preserve it.”