Monday, November 2, 2015

We Won’t Endorse….
by Charles Foster Kane
Beloved Whistleblower Publisher

            Before every election, The Whistleblower-Newswire is always deluged with calls, faxes, text messages, and e-mails asking which candidates and issues we plan to endorse. As the official publication for all that scrambling, speculation, mud-slinging, and back-stabbing which will be forever known as Bluegrass Indecision 2015, our readers have every right to expect nothing less. But the fact that only one day before the Bluegrass Gubernatorial Elections, after all of our penetrating reporting and scathing commentary, there can be any doubt about which candidates or issues we might cheer or jeer is further tribute to the astounding even-handedness of our always fair-and-balanced journalism.

But political scientists are puzzled: How can elected officials be caught lying, tell more lies the next day, and the press won’t even hold them accountable? But as Hillary says, “What different does it make, anyway,” after our Avaricious Attorney from COAST Chris Finney successful argued for a politician’s Right to Lie before the U.S. Supreme Court last year.

Unlike the so-called mainstream news media like our Feckless Fishwrappers, whose totally discredited political endorsements by their rubber-stamping idiotirial board and news coverage are so often interchangeable, The Whistleblower continues to present facts, opinions, viewpoints, and analyses on all sides of an issue. On rare occasions we even attempt to use humor or sarcastic satire to make a point. We trust our readers are intelligent enough to come to an informed decision. 

And since we never accept advertising, and have no sponsors nor special interests to dictate their extreme prejudices, we wouldn’t insult the Persons of Consequence who are our subscribers by presuming they’re not bright enough and sufficiently critical to evaluate what we’ve presented, along with everything else they’ve seen, read, heard, and smelled so they can make up their own minds.

Let’s face it: Prostitutes in the Press and trash-talkers on the radio will take money to promote both sides of any contest or issue, whether they believe them or not. They’ll always ignore false claims in lying, last-minute desperate negative attack ads from despicable candidates, as long as those commercials are paid-for-in-advance. There’s no limit on how much money they’ll accept from anyone, all in the name of promoting “free” speech. We wouldn’t be surprised if Tuesday’s turnout would be a lot lower than our Kneepad Liberals in the Press are predicting.

Therefore, The Blower won’t make political endorsements, either for candidates or issues. We’re doing our job. Now it’s time for you to get off your fat couch-potato asses and do yours.

Remember the prophetic words of Jesse “The Body” Ventura: “If you don’t vote, you’ll be leaving the decision to someone even dumber than you are.”

Also try to remember what those Loony Libertarians always say: A vote for the lesser of two evils is still a vote for evil. People who don’t stand for something will fall for anything. No matter the outcome, you should never ever vote for a candidate you don’t really believe in.

And just as The Blower predicts, Tuesday’s turnout in Ohio is going to be very low unless all those potheads all over the state come out to vote for marijuana, and Disguised DemocRATS come out to support their so-called “independent” candidates in Anderson. There’s a really bad Park Tax in Cincinnati supported by the same folks who saddled over-taxed payers with Mahogany’s and that stupid streetcar. Bluegrass State and Chief Election Official Alison Wondergams Grimes predicts statewide voter turnout in the Commonwealth won’t be setting any records either. Thankfully, voters in Kentucky will finally be able go to the polls and choose their next Governor. It’s been an expensive and crazy race between Disingenuous DemocRAT Attorney General Jack Conway (on the left) and TEA Party Businessman Matt Bevin (in the middle). It remains to be seen who will win on Tuesday but Bevin sounds pretty confident. But what The Blower wants to know is, who in the hell is that guy on the right?

 ELECTION FRAUD HOT LINE

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 Some political vote-frauding items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally vote-frauding subscribers, but let’s face it, we could always use a lot more. 

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