SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 1, 2015

Received by Snail Mail on Saturday

SUBJECT: Secret Courthouse Halloween Ball
TO: CFK
FROM: CH Snitch/ 1000 Main Street

Now that the election dust is settling, we can finally her about this week’s Secret Courthouse Halloween Ball, held deep in the bowels of the Hamilton County Law Library. Taking a well-earned break from running election affairs, Alex T. and Maggie brought down the house when they appeared as Boss Hogg and Daisy Duke. Also appearing were Judges Bill and Dwane Mallory, as conductors on brother Dainty’s stupid-ass street car. Jerry “Monopoly Man” Metz was there too. Ghizzy Lizzy came as herself, as did the scariest one of all, defrocked Juvie Judge Tracie “Crazy Eyes” Hunter. Who needs Michael Jackson’s “Thriller?”

Some pervert clients spring out of jail by James “The Rock” Bogen managed to crash the party: Monsignor McDiddle, Scoutmaster Tenderfoot Fetish, Sharon Dixon Peters, and the Ocktoberfest Flasher “Hans the Schwanz.”

Recently elected Probate Judge Ted Winkler missed the affair unlike some candidates who were doing some actual campaigning. “Uhhh, I could’ve  been Lurch from ‘The Addams Family,’ ” Ted droned.