FRIDAY, OCTOBER 30, 2015

If You’d Already Voted Early, This Probably Would Be Happening

          Fridays before Election Day are always big days at your mail box in Anderson Township, especially since candidates always flood the U.S. Postal Service with all that last-minute political advertising, and even though there are so few candidates running in the 2015 Elections, the Republicans who are running really sent out a lot of crap:

The “Keep Judge Berkowitz Republican” campaign sent out the most.  We got six of those. Most Republicans in Anderson didn’t know we had a Judge Berkowitz to keep.

His Honor’s giant post card featured two pictures of Berkowitz and Hamilton County Prosecutor “Jaywalking Joe” Deters, one of Berkowitz being sworn in by an unidentified blonde lady in black, one of Berkowitz sitting on the bench with a “Proven Service as OUR JUDGE” caption, and the obligatory family shot, with a pretty wife and the cutest kids you ever saw.

And who paid for all those big yellow yard signs in all the Republican yard sign locations? Berkowitz’s Bailiff must have really been busy during this campaign.

Then there’s the “Keep Judge Kissinger” campaign paid for the Ohio Republican Party. Most Anderson Republicans didn’t know Richard Nixon’s Secretary of State was a Hamilton County Municipal Court Judge. It turns out this Kissinger we’re supposed to keep is Curt Kissinger, who was born the son of a police officer with a legacy to duty, service, and the protection others. No need for pictures with Deters on this ad, Ohio GOP Party Boss Matt Borges used two photos of Judge Kissinger’s police officer father and Judge Kissinger’s obligatory family shot that includes puppies.

And why do Republicans running these campaigns tell you to “Keep” these Judges? That’s because the Judges were never elected in the first place. Signs for Incumbent Candidates always say “Re-elect” instead of “Keep” or “Retain.”

Other political post cards Republicans sometimes send out are actually hit pieces, like the one paid for by the Hamilton County Republican Party attacking Disguised DemocRAT Judicial Candidate Bob Kelly for a little thing like having more than $80,000 in federal tax liens and having over a dozen state and federal tax liens and judgments totaling almost $250,000 during the past twenty years. And perhaps the unkindest cut of all, was claiming Kelly was just as unfit for office as Convicted Ex Juvie Judge Tracie “Crazy Eyes” Hunter.

  

And sometimes advertising is even sent out by the campaigns they actually purport to represent, such as this RE-ELECT post card from Citizens for Russ Jackson.

FINALLY, at this afternoon’s meeting of the Conservative Agenda, Political Insiders were asking Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane who made that “Remember in November” banner people saw at the GOP booth at Anderson Daze this summer. “That was really funny,” Kane said, “because nobody at the Anderson Township Republican Club realized Portman and Wenstrup wouldn’t actually be on the ballot this November.”