Monday, October 26, 2015

What Ordinary Americans Think About “Indecision 2015”

Whistleblower Pollster Ron Rasmussen remembers when Ronald Reagan famously declared in the 1980s that it was “morning in America,” and Americans believed. But not anymore. Belief among voters that America’s best days are still to come now hovers near its lowest level this year. Only 24% think the country is heading in the right direction, tying the lowest level in over a year That’s why once again we don’t expect a really big turnout for our all those local issues and races on the ballot on Election Day in only eight more days.

Because, as we all know, those Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span, Free-Stuff Grabbing, Low-Information Obama Supporters Who Put Obama In The White House—Twice, and get all of their information from our Obama Supporters in the Press, gave Obama another four years to ruin the country at the 2012 Elections, and we’ll all be suffering through the next 452 days of the America’s Dark Ages during Obama’s Second Term (unless he’s impeached).

That’s why The Whistleblower rounded up some of our usual suspects. We found them at dawn still praying for all forms of racism to vanish from the face of the Earth at a candle-light vigil around the Peace Pole in Anderson Township Sunday morning.

We just had to find out what they really thought about all those really important upcoming local elections that include Disguised DemocRATS pretending to be “Independents” in the Townships. Remembering that so far only 877 of Hamilton County’s apathetic registered voters have yet bothered to show up to vote early at the Board of Elections, The Blower predicts voters won’t be standing in long lines if they even remember to show up at all on November 3.

MAMA MARUSKA, RETIRED HOMEMAKER: There must be a zillion people running for office in all of our local villages, cities, townships, and school boards. The landscape is littered with their yard signs. But how is anybody supposed to know which candidate to vote for until the Morning Fishwrap publishes its complete list of political endorsements for every one of those races?

PORKY DORKMAN, STUDENT: My teacher (whose union spent millions of dollars in ad buys supporting Obama and the DemocRATS but now the members want to be exempt from paying dues), wants everybody in the class to go home and tell our parents to call their Republican Members of Congress and demand they tell GOP Speaker of the House John Boehner’s replacement to cave in to Obama’s demands so the federal government does not get shut down again in December.

MARLENE MANDIBLE, TOTALLY UNEMPLOYABLE: As one of the record number of Americans in their prime working years who’ve become so discouraged that they left the labor force entirely during Obama’s so-called Recovery, I’d like one of those guys running for office this year to tell me when they’re going to give me some more free stuff, or do we have to wait for the 2016 Presidential Election for that?

NORMA RASHID, FORMER TV5 ANCHORWOMAN: If local Republican candidates would only forget to about saving local over-taxed payers money, I could just sit home alone waiting for Charlie to call, except every time the phone rings it’s only just another recorded message from Charlie telling me not to forget to vote for that Park Levy he’s helping Cranley foist on the dumbed-down Cincinnati voters in only eight more days.

LINDA LIBEL, GOSSIP COLUMNIST: If Phil Bur-ass and Citizens for Community Values would only forget about their obsession against “Sodomy Rites” on their Gay-Bashing Voters Guide, The Blower would find more space to publish more information about who stands to make all that money if voters are stupid enough to approve Issue Three that would legalize Marijuana.

JACK MEHOFF, USED SOLAR PANEL SALESMAN: Even if Ohio would still be appealing Liberal Whacko Judge Tim Black’s ruling in favor of COAST’s Avaricious Attorney Chris Finney’s case to allow those same politicians the “Right to Lie” during political campaigns, those same politicians would be telling the same lies 24/7 during the only 8 more days until the 2015 Midterm Elections.

SUZIE SOCCERMOM, TEA PARTY PRINCESS: For the third year in a row, I sent in my Absentee Ballot weeks ago so the 2015 Elections have been over for me for a long time, and all that money being spend on negative TV campaign commercials has been wasted trying to reach me, since I realize nothing good will really happen as a result of the 2015 Elections with Obama still in office, and the 2016 Presidential Elections won’t even officially begin until November 4.

REVERUM CALHOUN, MINISTER: If Racist Republicans in Congress don’t forget about “Impeaching Obama,” Black Lives Matter could be holding Ferguson-style Race Riots right here in Cincinnati demanding a new trial for Convicted Black Juvenile Judge Traci Hunter, because those two Black cleaning women on Traci’s Jury changed their minds after they voted to convict her.

LEROY WILLIAMS, EROTIC ESCORT SERVICE PROVIDER: If Local Republicans in Congress would only forget about “Hillary’s security failures in Libya that led to the murder of Ambassador Chris Stevens and three other Americans,” some of my streetwalkers might stop asking about their so-called health care benefits, since I always drive them to the clinic whenever they come down with a little dose of clap.

AWAN AFUQYA, MUSLIM SYMPATHIZER: Republicans in Congress should continue to divide the country with their demands for Fiscal Responsibility,” so the news media won’t have time to cover Obama’s support for Terrorist Organizations around the world, and ordinary Americans could stop worrying about threats from Murdering Muslims who have sworn Jihad to behead every infidel in America.

EMILY FRUMP, RETIRED CITY EMPLOYEE: If The Fishwrap would stop covering worthy projects for Diminutive DemocRAT Mayor John Cranley’s New Fun Czar’s “Tomato Fights” and covering every item on “The Liberal Agenda” like Bikes for Dykes and Gay Homeless Teenagers, maybe our Extreme Liberal City Clown-cil that got themselves voted four-year terms to make it harder to get rid of them, would stop wasting millions on that Stupid Streetcar and do something like start worrying about paying my pension plan.

BUNKY TADWELL, THE BARD OF CLEVES: How’s this for my poem today?

Now that Republicans in Congress have stopped worrying about Balancing the Budget,
Over-taxed payers will be even deeper in debt.
And with Obama still in office for another two years,
You ain’t seen nothing yet.

SEEDY DIEHL, NORTHERN KENTUCKY HOMELESS GUY LIVING UNDER THE BRIDGE: Even though those bleeding heart do-gooders closed the area’s biggest shantytown under that U.S. 50 overpass just west of Downtown Cincinnati in Queensgate, I’m still enjoying these cool fall evenings dining al fresco and bedding down in my refrigerator box at the hobo camp while all you over-taxed payers pay my Medicaid expenses under the ObamaTax provisions.

CH SNITCH, 1000 MAIN STREET: If Local Republicans would only stop “their damn Twittering,” all party hacks would gladly be volunteering to walk door-to-door campaigning for their Republican Candidates in the Suburbs running against Disguised DemocRATS pretending to be “Independent Candidates” this weekend, if only RINO Party Boss Alex T., Mall Cop GOP wasn’t holding off until County Commissioner Me, Greg Hartmann’s big re-election campaign against Hillary Spokeswoman Denise Dreihaus next year.

SID SCHLOCK, SLUMLORD: If Local Republicans would only forget about “Who’ll Be Running For President in 2016” and rebuilding home ownership for the Middle Class, some of those deadbeats on welfare who live in my run-down property might even be able to afford to pay the rent and I can wangle myself a seat on the CMHA Board.

KEN CAMBOO, NORTHERN KENTUCKY JOURNALIST: If Local Republicans would make a real issue out of the sudden collapse of nonprofit health plans supported by tens of millions of dollars in Obamacare loans, they could ignite a new political wildfire over the health law that could help Republican Candidate Matt Bevin in his tight gubernatorial race in Kentucky.

TEA PARTY TIM: If Local Republicans in Congress would only remember to shutdown the government again in December, Vonda Pickens’ “Overpasses for Obama’s Impeachment” Protesters will have a good reason to make some new signs to use the next time they disrupt traffic in Northern Kentucky.

EARL PITTS, TAXIDERMIST: Clermont County Officials have really been getting some great cooperation from the State of Ohio ever since the Clermont County Republican Party voted to take Governor Kasich’s name off the sample ballot being mailed to all local GOP voters before last year’s election and handed out by party hacks to voters at the polls on Election Day.

ED NORTON, CURRENTLY FURLOUGHED NORTHERN KENTUCKY SEWER WORKER: At least during this election campaign, Lame Duck DemocRAT Governor Steve Beshear isn’t wasting all his time sending out e-mails for Alison Wondergams Grimes asking if we got the e-mails he sent out the previous day, but AFL-CIO President Richard Trumka still hasn’t helped me get a part-time non-union job trying to do something about those sewage spills and stench plaguing that Louisville Mobile Home Park owned by Nathan “Cornbread” Smith.