SATURDAY, OCTOBER 17, 2015

Dems Still Biden Their Time Waiting For Joe!

At this morning’s meeting of the Conservative Agenda, Political Insiders were asking Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane about the latest on Joe Biden. 

“If you see a lot of Conservatives in church tomorrow,” Kane explained, “they’ll all be there praying Obama’s Doofus Vice President will finally be getting into the 2016 Presidential Race and totally screw things up for Hillary and the Disingenuous DemocRATS. 

Kane then shared the latest by Mike Allen from Politico’s Playbook: “A Draft of Biden’s Announcement Speech”:

“I’m running as one last service to this country. This is for YOU: not for therapy, not for me, not for my family, not for any dynasty. I am too old, too known, too certain of what’s right and wrong based on a lifetime of public service, to run as a conventional hack. I am going to run as ME — a me who was blessed with opportunities, family and friends, and shaped by success and screw-ups, triumphs and tragedies.

“You will get all of me, folks, for better than worse. You will get my heart and hustle, my spirit and style. And you will also get my flaws and flaps, all unvarnished. Oh, and my mouth. We all know my critics will say I speak too candidly. Guilty as charged! The stakes are too high, the economy too vulnerable, the middle class too stretched and stressed, the world too unstable for more political contortions and stupid spin tricks.

“To my DemocRAT friends who worry my career could now end with a humbling defeat: Don’t despair. I plan to win. And if I don’t, I have been humbled by things far more profound and searing than a political defeat.

“To my DemocRAT friends who worry I can only win by tearing down my good friend Hillary: Don’t fret. I am going to run a campaign about my ideas, my passion, my vision — and avoid the spitball politics that has turned our nation weary. I would rather lose with class than win with conventional attacks and lies.

“To all of my fellow Americans, I lost a son who was what we all aspire to be: a smart, patriotic guy who wanted to help the helpless and focus his life on what makes us unique, and good, and worthy of our place in the world. I beg all of you: Even if you choose a different candidate, put aside the nonsense and envy and anger that is defining this campaign to make American Even Greater Again. No lie, folks: If you do, this our country is positioned to crush it. We can retool our economy to turn this nation into a high-tech jobs machine for all, and retool our foreign policy to defeat terrorism and restore sanity and safety for all. God love ya all!”

 “Many Astute Political Scientists Don’t think Obama’s Doofus Vice President is stupid enough to run, but we can always hope,” Kane added.