THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 24, 2015

…And Recalling Our Previous “Papal Politics” E-dition

This morning at the Conservative Agenda, while everybody was waiting to report on our Kneepad Liberals’ reactions to Pope Francis’ Address to Congress, Political Insiders couldn’t help remembering The Blower’s previous big “Papal Politics” E-dition way back on March 7, 2013, when we said:  “Did Pope Benedict give up something big for Lent or what!”

There are no big political primaries that month, so political junkies would have to be content following the election of a new Pope in Rome. Father Guido Sarducci said on that Tuesday cardinals had not yet selected a new Pope after three ballots during their conclave to elect a successor to ailing Benedict XVI at the end of this month.

Hurley the Historian said, “Technology had advanced in 2013, so that we’d find out the latest cardinal communications by black smoke, white smoke, and text alerts.” We’re surprised they hadn’t developed an ap for your iPhones.

Our Quote for Today Committee chose Pope John Paul II’s “The future starts today, not tomorrow.”

The Blower explained how Papal Elections were just another excuse for Liberals in the Press to rail against Catholics, and all other religions for that matter…as if they ever really needed a reason. Many Obama Supporters were urging Obama to run for Pope.  What better way to destroy an organization you don’t like than to be elected to lead it and then totally ruin it? Obama has certainly demonstrated his ability to do that with the United States Economy during the past six years.

The idea that an American could become Pope was once thought to be so outlandish that it was dismissed out of hand by informed observers of the Holy See. But the world had changed, and new circumstances had arisen which made it plausible for an American to lead the Roman Catholic Church.

Calling on the promise of Equality for All, Obama was said to firmly believe that the time had come for a non-Catholic to occupy the Vatican’s highest office. Foreseeing a looming citizenship issue he stated that he had discovered an Italian birth certificate that proved he was born in Rome before he was born in Kenya. “That Hawaiian birth certificate never has been worth what I paid for it anyway,” Obama noted. Continuing, he concluded, “And there’s no way that a handful of cardinals could be more expensive to buy than 10 million voters in Illinois.” Further questions should be directed to Obama’s Papal Campaign Manager, Abdul Azeem Khan.

 Writers for Late Night TV Comedians Kept Churning out Bad Pope Jokes

 Jay Leno said, “The Pope is resigning. I just hope it’s not steroids.”

 Conan O’Brien said, “The Vatican was struck by lightning after the Pope announced he was retiring. That really happened. It sounds like someone’s not handling the breakup well.” 

David Letterman said, “The Pope had a press conference today. He said he just wants to spend more time with his wife and kids.”

Jimmy Kimmel said, “The Pope announced he is resigning. He doesn’t feel he is strong enough to continue with his papal duties. What will he do for work now? He could be the most overqualified Walmart greeter of all time.”

 Jimmy Fallon said, “Pope Benedict is resigning. And you know what that means: Hillary in 2013?”

And Bobby Leach said, “He pulled out early, like a good Catholic.”

In Northern Kentucky, Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo said Bluegrass Barristers like Rick “The Altar Boy” Robinson were wasting billable hours by Tweeting jokes about the Pope.

Meanwhile at WLW Hate Radio, Darryl Parks said, “In keeping with the fine traditions of Papal humor such as ‘Pope on a Rope’ soap, the ‘Let Us Spray’ lawn sprinkler and the classic ‘Pope Mobile,’ I bring you the following classic. WHAT DO YOU CALL THE POPE WHEN HE LEAVES THE PAPACY?”

Former “Flying Buttress” Publisher Tomas de Torquemada says if all of this fun keeps up, he’ll have to start blogging again.

Finally, yesterday at a Lenten Lunch at the Snapping Mackerel, a hedonistic heretic asked Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane what a candidate for Pope should say during his interview to convince all the other cardinals he’s the right man for the job. “Just then them he’s a Papal Person,” our part-time rabbinical scholar suggested.

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This previous edition had been brought to you by a generous “in-kind” donation during our March 2013 fund-raising drive by the Catholic Commissary, featuring many fine Papal Products.

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Some sacrilegious items in the March 7, 2013 Blower were sent in by our equally sacrilegious subscribers.

Whistleblower Video of The Day

Typical Atheist Reaction to Pope Benedict’s Resignation

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