MONDAY, AUGUST 31, 2015
Giving Mount McKinley Back To The Indians
According to Fox News, Ohio lawmakers did absolutely nothing Sunday about the White House’s announcement that Obama would formally rename Alaska’s Mount McKinley — North America’s highest peak — “Denali” during his trip to The Last Frontier this week.
Mount McKinley has held the name of our nation’s 25th President for over 100 years. This landmark is a testament to his countless years of service to our country, and Obama’s outrageous actions are seen as “constitutional overreach,” since an act of Congress was required to rename the mountain, because a law formally naming it after Ohio’s William McKinley was passed in 1917.
The 20,000-foot-tall peak had been previously known as Denali. The name means “the high one” in Athabascan, and is generally believed to be central to the Athabascan tribe’s creation story. But Cynical Conservatives are claiming Obama’s just trying to shore up his floundering legacy by guaranteeing all those Athabascans vote DemocRAT when Hillary falters and he has to step in and run for a Third Term in 2016.
Ohio Republican Senator Rob Portman pouted about the decision as “yet another example of the President going around Congress.”
Ohio Republican Speaker of the House John Boehner broke into tears, sobbing, “I am deeply disappointed in this decision.”
Ohio Republican Congressman Bob Gibbs said, “This political stunt is insulting to all Ohioans, and I will be working with the House Committee on Natural Resources to determine what can be done to prevent this action.”
And even Ohio DemocRAT Congressman Tim Ryan (whose district includes McKinley’s hometown of Niles in eastern Ohio) said, “We must retain this national landmark’s name in order to honor the legacy of this great American president and patriot.”
But Ohio Republican Governor John Kasich was campaigning for President of New Hampshire could not be reached for comment.
“Obama never would’ve gotten away with this if I’d still been Governor of Alaska,” declared Sarah Palin during her interview with Donald Trump, who added, “Obama was just upset his face would never be included on Mount Rushmore so he decided to retaliate. I’ll just have to change the name back to Mount McKinley on my first day in office along with correcting all of Obama’s other mistakes. ”
Other local reaction was as almost as expected. Ohio Republican Congressman “Bronze Star Brad” Wenstrup said, “I’m fighting to keep Obama from changing the name of Mt. Washington,” and on the West Side, Ohio Republican Congressman Steve Chabothead said, “Obama better not try to change the name of Price Hill Chili, either.” Meanwhile, not a single student in the Failed Cincinnati Public Schools knew the slightest thing about Ohio’s President McKinley.
And in Hamilton County (the only part of Southwest Ohio to turn Blue), Demo-Labor Party Boss Tim Burka said, “Maybe we can get Obama’s Interior Secretary Sally Jewell to be the featured speaker at next week’s AFL-CIO Labor Day Picnic where she could announce changing the name of Indian Hill to Mount Che$ley. I’m sure Hamilton County RINO Party Boss Alex T., Mall Cop GOP would agree.”
