FRIDAY, AUGUST 7, 2015

NoKY License Bureaus Still Under Assault

Yesterday at the Conservative Agenda, Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo was asking why The Blower hadn’t followed up on our July 9 report about Whistleblower Faux Facebook Friend State Rep Addia Wuchner’s bill that would prevent the Commonwealth from forcing religious figures or organizations from performing same sex marriages, and would protect such organizations and individuals from being sued if they refuse to perform such ceremonies, even though no one in Kentucky had yet pushed to have such a marriage in a religious setting against that organization’s will.

Back then, The Blower wanted to know if that bill would also protect Christian bakers who refuse to make Penis Cupcakes for Gay Wedding Receptions at the Fort Mitchell Country Club. And if you think there’s no potential problem, just wait till you hear about what happened recently at a Northern Kentucky Marriage Bureau:

”Good  morning. We want to apply for a marriage license.”
“Names?,” said the clerk.

“Tim and Jim  Jones.”
“Jones? Are you related?  I do see a resemblance.”

“Yes, we’re brothers.”
“Brothers?  You can’t get married.”

“Why not?  Aren’t you giving marriage licenses to same gender couples?”
“Yes, thousands.  But we haven’t had any siblings. That’s incest!”

“Incest?”  No, we are not gay.”
“Not gay?  Then why do you want to get married?”

“For the financial benefits, of  course.  And we do love each other.  Besides, we don’t have any other prospects.”
“But we’re issuing marriage licenses to gay and lesbian couples who’ve claimed they’d been denied equal protection under the law.

If you are not gay, you can get married to a woman.”
“Wait a  minute. A gay man has the same right to marry a woman as I have. But just because I’m straight doesn’t mean I want to marry a woman. I want to marry Jim.”
“And I want to marry Tim. Are you gonna discriminate against us just because we are not gay?”

“All right, all right. I’ll give you  your license. Next!”

“Hi. We are here to get  married.”
“Names?”

“John Smith, Jane James, Robert Green, and  June Johnson.”
“Who wants to marry whom?”

“We all want to  marry each other.”
“But there are four of you!”

“That’s right.  You see, we’re all bisexual. I love Jane and Robert, Jane loves me and June,   June loves Robert and Jane, and Robert loves June and me.  All of us  getting married together is the only way that we can express our sexual preferences in a marital relationship.”

“But we’ve only been granting  licenses to gay and lesbian couples.”
“So you’re discriminating against bisexuals?” Muslim immigrants in Michigan have four wives as it is part of their religion.

“No, it’s just that, well, the traditional idea  of marriage is that it’s just for couples.”
“Since when are you standing on tradition?”

“Well, I mean, you have to draw the line  somewhere.”
“Who says? There’s no logical reason to limit marriage to  couples. The more the better.   Besides, we demand our rights! The mayor says the constitution guarantees equal protection under the law. Give us a marriage license!”

“All right, all right. Next.”

“Hello, I’d like a marriage license.”

“In what names?”
“David Anderson.”

“And the other man?”
“That’s all. I want to marry myself.”

“Marry yourself?  What the hell do you mean?”
“Well, my psychiatrist says I have a dual personality, so I want to marry the two together. Maybe I can file a joint income-tax return.”

That does it!?  I quit!  You people are making a mockery of marriage!

Isn’t that what The Blower’s been saying all along?