SATURDAY, JUNE 27, 2015

Happy Gay Pride Day, Everybody!

AT YESTERDAY’S MEETING OF THE CONSERVATIVE AGENDA, Political Insiders were asking Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane about the significance of Friday’s second ridiculous SOTUS Decision in as many days when the U.S. Supreme Court interpreted the U.S. Constitution to mean “anybody could marry anything in all 50 states.

Amazingly, even Obama when he praised the Judicial ruling mandating the openness of marriage, ignored the point that now that marriage cannot be limited to a man and a woman. The court also did not place other limits, like numbers or species.  So all the polygamists are getting pretty excited about the effect of this ruling stripping away the age old prohibition on many wives.  Modern feminists are also considering multiple husbands to realize their needs: for money, for housework, and of course in and out of the bedroom.  Multiple partners of known and unknown sexual orientation can all now be married! You can even marry a goat, which should make Obama’s Muslim friends very happy!

“But maybe there was actually some good news for Conservatives in these rulings,” Kane explained. SCOTUS is taking all of these waste-of-time social issues off the table. After today, whenever a MSM Clinton surrogate hack tries to trap a Republican candidate with a pointless question about gay marriage, the simple answer is now, “The issue has been decided. Now, can we talk about fixing the economic mess that’s been created by the Obama Administration?”

Friday was a totally Gay Day in Washington when the Supreme Court of these United States finally agreed with Rob “Fighting for Fancy Boys” Portman that same sex-marriage was really OK even if your son isn’t gay.

 

Conservative Justice Scalia, who’s spent a lot of time writing dissenting opinions lately, called the majority on the high court a “threat to American democracy.” The ruling “says that my ruler and the ruler of 320 million Americans coast-to-coast, is a majority of the nine lawyers on the Supreme Court,” Scalia said.

At the Pentagon, Whistleblower Senior National Political Affairs Analyst Britt Humus says Obama has already turned the military into a “Totally Gay Army,” saying foes of Homosexuality are still holding fast to “Worn Arguments and Old Attitudes.” In the warped world of Obama, “Sin is a worn argument.” Meanwhile, Disgraced Former Ohio Gayvenor Strickland and Cincinnati’s Equally Disgraced Former Girly Man Mayor Mark Mallory still plan to march with soldiers in today’s Gay Pride Parade on the Gay White Way in Downtown Cincinnati, waving signs that say, “Never Leave Your Buddy’s Behind.”

 

And from The Sublime to the Ridiculous, (which means from something very serious to something very silly) Friday afternoon, Cincinnati’s Scruffy Mayor who even shaved to appear at Cincinnati Police Officer Kim’s funeral, was officiating only an hour later at a Gay Blowjob Rally on Fountain Square.

How gay will it be? You’ll see more tormented queens in Downtown Cincinnati than in the Tower of London, and that Supreme Court Justice Elena Gaygan lookalike contest should be a lot of fun too.

Maybe that’s why our Quote for Today Committee chose Karen Ripley’s: “I can’t help looking gay. I put on a dress and people say, “Who’s the dyke in the dress?”

Comedian Laura Kightlinger says, “My favorite thing in a gay pride parade is the big, helium cartoon characters. There is something about seeing Bullwinkle’s ass in chaps. I revert right back to being a kid on gay pride morning.”

On the other hand, Comedian Norm MacDonald says, “A Gay Pride Parade is just a bunch of gay guys.”

And Warner Cable says you don’t have to wait for Gay Pride Day to watch Lesbian porn on Cinemax After Dark.

It’s a good thing our Gay Pride Celebration doesn’t take place to coincide with our annual Paddlefest (postponed until August 2), since so many people think the Gay Pride Parade is just Paddlefest without the kayaks, because that’s when Liberal Loonies try to sell us down the river one more time, but organizer Brewster Rhoads says his annual event is not to be confused with the annual Gay Paddlefest, where Ben Dover and Phil McKrevis like to give each other spankings at Sawyer Point.  Not only that, our good friend Bobby Leach e-mailed us our Gay Paddlefest Joke: “What do you call two lesbians in a canoe? Fur traders.”

In other really gay news, Our Cross-Dressing Attorney remembers Deviant DemocRAT Hamilton County Commissioners Odd Todd Opportune’s and David A. Pepper’s Top-Secret “Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, Transgender Pride Day” Proclamation, which was included in that Gay Pride Salute back in 2008 from those homo-loving guys at Not the Fishwrap.
And now that Ghizzy Lizzy is finally a judge, maybe she won’t have to show up at this year’s Gay Day Parade.

And wait to you see Cincinnati’s acting Police Chief marching in the Gay Pride parade.  They even made a new rainbow flag with the Cincinnati Police badge on it. The Cincinnati PD’s full-time liaison officer assigned to the gay groups must’ve needed something to do.

How long has The Blower been covering Gay Pride News? We’re not sure, but if you check out the July 2, 1991 edition, you might see Bud Fugger’s Homosexual Hotline, which reported when Mayor David Mann didn’t show up at the Gay Pride Parade, but instead, sent over a proclamation changing the name to “Gay Tolerance.”  See, even back then DemocRATS were changing the meaning of words. 

In Columbus, Buckeye Bureau Chief Gerry Manders says wet weather didn’t dampen the gayety at last weekend’s Gay Pride Parade in Columbus, when according to the Ohio Constitution, only a marriage between one man and one woman would still recognized as a valid union by the state and its political subdivisions. The Ohio Constitution also said that neither the state nor any political subdivision may create or recognize a legal status for relationships of unmarried individuals that intends to approximate the design, qualities, significance or effect of marriage.

And Hairy Homophobe Phil Burr-ass says, “The US Supreme Court has determined that same-sex unions are legal in all fifty states.  And that all states must recognize each other’s same-sex unions. Stand strong in the defense of marriage and religious freedom with your online gift now. Americans of faith must prepare for the inevitable: the further erosion of our precious, God-given and constitutionally guaranteed religious liberty. As sexual freedom increasingly trumps religious freedom, you and I, and everyone who believes in God’s definition of marriage must expect to be targeted. Those who oppose our Biblical view of marriage will now try to silence us on this and other matters of religious conscience.”

We’re sure Burr-ass hateful remarks were discussed Friday night at the Bud Light Gay, Lesbian, Bi-sexual, and Transgender Pub Crawl from NoKY to Northside sponsored by the Greater Cincinnati Gay Pride Chamber of Commerce. If you’re a gay guy, do you really think getting drunk and crawling around on all fours is the safest way to hook up for the night?

And the OKI Clean Air Committee says, “Come on down for clean air celebration with fireworks presented by the P&G’s Gay Products Division at Sawyer Point for Gay Pride Day.”

Meanwhile, the Illegal Aliens Association is filing suit to make sure the “Declaration of Gay Independence” is always translated into Spanish, and Moises, Julio, Alfredo, and Jose wonder whatever happened to the Amnesty-fest they were promised by the U.S. Senate , and it’s a good thing the ACLU is still letting us sing the “Star Spangled Banner” on Gay Pride Day.  

Still unknown is whether That Defeated, Corrupt, Evicted, Lying, Plagiarizing, Meddling, Overblown, Bought-And-Paid-For, Tax-And-Spend, Wrinkle-Puss RINO Bitch-In-A-Ditch “Mean Jean” Schmidt be marching with supporters of Gay Turkish Muslim Murderers.

— Whistleblower Official Weekly Disclaimer —

         Sometimes The Blower ridicules gay bashers to show that intolerance of any kind is not acceptable in our society. This should be clear to anybody who isn’t a Hairy Homophobe.

This publication is a work of fiction. Any similarity to persons living or dead without satirical intent is purely coincidental, especially Phil Burr-ass.

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