FRIDAY, JUNE 26, 2015
A Joke Too Far
It all started Tuesday morning, when The Blower made that little joke about Rand Paul calling for a bipartisan group of black-and-white Kentucky elected officials to stand behind him at Tuesday’s afternoon’s press conference when he called for the removal of the Confederate battle flag from Jefferson Davis’ birthplace in Fairview, Kentucky (wherever the hell that is).
That was supposed to be just a joke. Can’t you tell a joke when you see one? Because now every Whacko Liberal from Obama on down can’t stop telling unreasonable-and-bizarre Confederate Flag jokes. Some of them are really ridiculous, like renaming the Jefferson Monument because the Founding Father from Virginia who wrote the Declaration of Independence was doing the nasty with a Negress, revoking all ten Academy Awards from “Gone With the Wind,” and changing every address and street sign along all 5,786 miles of the Dixie Highway that runs through Ohio and Northern Kentucky.
Raise your white Flags, Everybody!
Our Politically Correct Terrorists have already won!
Now Let’s Meet Today’s Guest Editor:
Why, none other than The Blower’s Best Joker of the Week Award goes to Mason City Clown-cilman Rich Cox, who was spotted by police on June 11 coming out of the room of a suspected prostitute at the cheapo Super 8 motel on Kings Mill Road. Cox told police he was approached by an Asian man at a Verizon store and the man asked him to take a written message to his daughter who was in a room at the Super 8 motel. Cox said he of course was simply acting as a Good Samaritan by following the peculiar request of a complete stranger when he drove to the motel. Cox said he was just doing a favor by visiting the sweet young thing in that room who was hard to understand because she spoke no English other than “Me, Horny, Me love you long time.” Do you think Cox’s wife believed her husband was really joking?
Whistleblower Faux Facebook Friend Pervert-Defending Attorney James “The Rock” Bogen can’t believe this guy’s name is Dick Cox. He just likes to be very hands-on helping his constituents, and that probably includes closely studying the Penal Code. And one of The Fishwrap’s Basement Bloggers Donald Dragoo says, “You Gotta give Cox credit for the story. If Jerry Springer could have thought that fast he’d be still be in politics. This guy has a great future.” (As a comedy writer, no doubt).
That’s why The Blower’s Senior Joke Writer Jock Ular, whose brother Jug too often goes for the throat, is honored The Blower selected Dick Cox to be this week’s guest editor and choose three Obama jokes plus an Obama Quickie for today’s E-dition from our Current Cadre of Conservative Columnists and Contributors, and our Quote for Today Committee chose Obama’s “I will cut taxes – cut taxes – for 95 percent of all working families, because, in an economy like this, the last thing we should do is raise taxes on the middle class.”
“START YOUR DAY WITH A POSITIVE FEELING” by Norman Vincent Peale
1. On your computer screen, open a new folder.
2. Give it the name “Barack Obama.”
3. Move it directly to the trash.
4. Select “Empty trash.”
5. Your computer will ask you if you really want to get rid of Barack Obama.
6. Answer “Yes” loudly, then firmly click the mouse.
7. There now, doesn’t that feel better?
Jay Leno Obama Jokes
“I was going to start off tonight with an Obama joke, but I don’t want to get audited by the IRS.”
On NSA surveillance: “We wanted a president who listens to all Americans – now we have one.”
On a new IRS commissioner: “He’s called ‘acting commissioner’ because he has to act like the scandal doesn’t involve the White House.”
On closing the Guantanamo prison for terrorists: “If he really wants to close it, turn it into a government-funded solar power company. The doors will be shut in a month.”
Concerning the Benghazi , Associated Press, and IRS scandals: “Remember in the old days when President Obama’s biggest embarrassment was Joe Biden?”
On Obama saying he didn’t know about the IRS scandal: “He was too busy not knowing anything about Benghazi to not know anything about the IRS.”
“The White House has a new slogan about Benghazi : Hope and change the subject.”
“It’s casual Friday, which means that at the White House, they’re casually going through everybody’s phone calls and records.”
“It is not looking good for President Obama. Today his teleprompter took the fifth.”
“Fox News has changed its slogan from ‘Fair and Balanced’ to ‘See, I told you so!'”
On Obama’s commencement address: “He told the young graduates their future is bright unless, of course, they want jobs.”
On a Chicago man who set a record for riding a Ferris wheel: “The only other way to go around and around in a circle that many times is to read the official report on Benghazi .”
On White House claims of ignorance on the scandals: “They took ‘Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell’ out of the Pentagon and moved it into the White House.”
“These White House scandals are not going away anytime soon. It’s gotten so bad that People in Kenya are now saying he’s 100 percent American.”
“DID YOU HEAR THE ONE ABOUT”
Bob: “Did you hear about the Obama administration scandal?
Jim: “You mean the Mexican gun running?”
Bob: “No, the other one.”
Jim: “You mean SEAL Team 6?”
Bob: “No, the other one.”
Jim: “You mean the State Dept. lying about Benghazi?”
Bob: “No, the other one.”
Jim: “You mean voter fraud?”
Bob: “No, the other one.”
Jim: “You mean the military not getting their votes counted?”
Bob: “No, the other one.”
Jim: “The NSA monitoring our phone calls, emails and everything else?”
Bob: “No, the other one.”
Jim: “You mean the of drones in our own country without the benefit of the law?”
Bob: “No, the other one.”
Jim: “Giving 123 Technologies $300 Million and right afterwards it declared bankruptcy and was sold to the Chinese?”
Bob: “No, the other one.”
Jim: “You mean the president arming the Muslim Brotherhood?”
Bob: “No the other one:.
Jim: “The IRS targeting conservatives?”
Bob: “No, the other one.”
Jim: “The DOJ spying on the press?”
Bob: “No, the other one.”
Jim: “Sebelius shaking down health insurance executives?”
Bob: “No, the other one.”
Jim: “Giving SOLYNDRA $500 MILLION DOLLARS and 3 months later they declared bankruptcy and then the Chinese bought it?”
Bob: “No, the other one.”
Jim: “The NSA monitoring our phone calls, emails and everything else?”
Bob: “No, the other one.”
Jim: “The president’s ordering the release of nearly 10,000 illegal immigrants from jails and prisons, and falsely blaming the sequester?”
Bob: “No, the other one.”
Jim: “The president’s threat to impose gun control by Executive Order in order to bypass Congress?”
Bob: “No, the other one.”
Jim: “The president’s repeated violation of the law requiring him to submit a budget no later than the first Monday in February?”
Bob: “No, the other one.”
Jim: “The 2012 vote where 115% of all registered voters in some counties voted 100% for Obama?”
Bob: “No, the other one.”
Jim: “The president’s unconstitutional recess appointments in an attempt to circumvent the Senate’s advise-and-consent role?”
Bob: “No, the other one.”
Jim: “The State Department interfering with an Inspector General investigation on departmental sexual misconduct?”
Bob: “No, the other one.”
Jim: “Clinton, the IRS, Clapper and Holder all lying to Congress?”
Bob: “No, the other one.”
Jim: “I give up! … Oh wait, I think I got it! You mean that 65 million low-information voters who don’t pay taxes and get free stuff from taxpayers and stuck us again with the most pandering, corrupt administration in American history?”
Bob: “THAT’S THE ONE!”
AND A QUICKIE By Bobby Leach
A man goes into a restaurant, his server is still wearing an “Obama 2012” button on her apron. After he’s finished eating, he pays the tab, leaves the restaurant and outside he gives a homeless man some money.
He comes back into the restaurant and says to the waitress, “I see you’re voting for Obama.”
“Yes I am,” she replies, expecting the customer to hand her some money.
But the man said, “I just wanted to tell you that I redistributed your tip to the homeless guy outside.”
Plagiarism Count: Unattributed material was filched from a mere 243 different websites for the production of today’s Blower.
More Conservative Agenda Cartoons
Putting the Right Slant on the News!
Stories We’re Working On
SUPREME COURT Passes SOTUSCare
HOSPITAL And Insurance Stocks Surging
OBAMA: ObamaCare and Global Warming Now Both “Settled Science”
CONGRESS Rescued From Creating Another Bad Law
SCALIA: “Words No Longer Have Meaning”
CRUZ: “Rogue Justices” Should Run for Congress!
THE BLOWER: “This Decision Is Even Worse Than You think!”
Today’s Republican Response
Ohio Second District Congressman Lt. Colonel “Bronze Star Brad” Rep. Wenstrup pays tribute to Cincinnati police officer Sonny Kim, who was killed in the line of duty on June 19, 2015.
Today’s Republican Remorse
George W. Bush says, “My decision to invade Iraq now looks brilliant compared to decision to appoint John Roberts to the Supreme Court.”
Whistleblower Web Poll
This week, here’s why the first 17,648 Whistleblower Readers Poll respondents said Hamilton County Commissioners failed to publicize their “2015 Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, Transgender Pride Day Proclamation”:
(A) They forgot: 2%
(B) The dog ate it: 1%
(C) Gay Guys at Simon Says said nobody would ever find out: 1%
(D) Didn’t think the 98.4% of the voters who weren’t Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, or Transgender would approve: 96%
Note: Everything we write doesn’t have to be so damn cynical and mean-spirited, it’s just so much more fun that way!
Weekly Whistleblower Limerick Contest
Could It Possibly Be True?
This week, everybody who says Newsweek didn’t do Obama a favor when they called him “America’s First Gay President” because some of those Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span, Free-Stuff Grabbing, Low-Information Obama Supporters Who Put Obama In The White House—Twice, and get all of their information from our Obama Supporters in the Press, are intelligent enough to believe Obama is actually afflicted with The Gayness, e-mailed an entry to the Whistleblower Limerick Contest.
The winner is Gaywad Flamer, who says he’s not really homosexual, but he is willing to learn.
Gaywad wins a “LGBT for Obama” bumper sticker (It’s Fabulous!”), a chance for somebody to push his stool in at the next Log Cabin Republicans meeting, a Three Way with Ben Dover and Phil McKrevis, and an equal opportunity to walk in the next Gay Day Parade with the gay member of Cincinnati Clowncil of his choice. His winning entry is:
Obama now says it’s good to be gay,
But he can’t help selling out: he was “born that way.”
Barry gives new meaning to the term “sucking up” –
Will he now fund-raise by giving head and a schtupp?
Maybe he’ll resign before he sinks any lower, I pray.
And from the Anderson Laureate (whose old girlfriend’s doctor just found his high school ring):
Obama now says it’s good to be gay
And blesses homos on their wedding day
Gee, that’s not what he said
Why isn’t his face red?
Oh, I know. He did it to make political hay.
The first line of next week’s limerick is:
“When we celebrate the Fourth of July”
GAY MARRIAGE RULING HOT LINE
e-mail your rants and reactions today.
Some gay-disapproving items in today’s Blower
were sent in by our equally gay-disapproving subscribers.
WHISTLEBLOWER VIDEO OF THE DAY
“I’m Gay!”
(Sent in by Citizens for Community Value President Phil Burr-ass, who says “I never met a homophobe I didn’t like.”
Note: We guarantee iPhone subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.
Current Whistleblower Policies and Disclaimers can be found here
