FRIDAY, JUNE 19, 2015 

Waiting for the WWE Presidential Debates

Today there are only 508 more days until the 2016 Elections, when we can elect a new Republican president to begin to correct all the mistakes Obama has made during his nearly seven dreadful years in office, and Fox TV’s first GOP Primary is scheduled in Cleveland on August 6.  We already have twelve Republican candidates in the race, and who cares how many Disingenuous DemocRATS, so maybe it’s time for The Blower to start sorting them all out.

 Now Let’s Meet Today’s Guest Editor:

Why, it’s none other than “The Donald” who Trumped “Jeb!’s” announcement this week when he declared his White House bid in front of a boisterous crowd (being paid only $50/person) at New York City’s Trump Tower that chanted, “We want Trump,” even before the Billionaire Businessman and Reality TV Star made his announcement, saying, “I am officially running for president of the United States, and we are going to make our country great again.”

The Blower’s going to go out on a limb today by predicting The Trumpster probably won’t be the Republican nominee next year. But let’s face it, he’ll say a lot of things that need to be said, that none of other so-called principled Republican candidates will be afraid to say; Republican Debates will be livelier; he’ll drive the Liberals crazy, and even Obama Supporters in the Press will want to quote him, because he’ll be more-than-accessible to the mendacious media and highly entertaining for all those Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span, Free-Stuff Grabbing, Low-Information Obama Supporters Who Put Obama In The White House—Twice, and get all of their information from our Obama Supporters in the Press.

That’s why The Blower, which takes pride in stirring up controversy wherever we can is honored for Donald John Trump, Sr. to be this week’s guest editor and choose three items plus a Quickie for today’s E-dition from our Current Cadre of Conservative Columnists and Contributors, and our Quote for Today Committee chose Trump’s campaign comments about Illegal Mexican immigrants: “When Mexico sends its people, they’re not sending their best [sic]. They’re sending people that have lots of problems. They’re bringing drugs. They’re bringing crime. They’re rapists.”

Don’t be terribly surprised if you see a few more Trump’s Tirades during his campaign.

“USMC BEST JOKE OF THE YEAR” by Gunnery Sergeant Hartman
A Marine squad was marching north of Fallujah when they came upon an Iraqi terrorist who was badly injured and unconscious. On the opposite side of the road was an American Marine in a similar but less serious state.

 The Marine was conscious and alert and as first aid was given to both men, the squad leader asked the injured Marine what had happened. The Marine reported, “I was heavily armed and moving north along the highway here, and coming south was a heavily armed insurgent. We saw each other and both took cover in the ditches along the road.

I yelled to him that Saddam Hussein was a miserable, lowlife scum bag who got what he deserved. And he yelled back that Barack Obama is a lying, good-for-nothing, left wing Communist who isn’t even an American. So I said that Osama Bin Laden dresses and acts like a frigid, mean-spirited lesbian! He retaliated by yelling, Oh yeah? Well, so does Nancy Pelosi!

 And, there we were, in the middle of the road, shaking hands, when a truck hit us.”

“THE MORALITY OF DISHONESTY” by Willie Sutton

A few years ago robbers entered a bank in a small town. One of them shouted: “Don’t move! The money belongs to the bank. Your lives belong to you.” Immediately all the people in the bank laid on the floor quietly and without panic. This is an example of how the correct wording of a sentence can make everyone change their view of the world.

One woman laid on the floor in a provocative manner. The robber approached her saying, ” Ma’am, this is a robbery not a rape. Please behave accordingly.” This is an example of how to behave professionally, and focus on the goal.

While running from the bank the youngest robber (who had a college degree) said to the oldest robber (who had barely finished elementary school): “Hey, maybe we should count how much we stole.” The older man replied: “Don’t be stupid. It’s a lot of money so let’s wait for the news on TV to find out how much money was taken from the bank.” This is an example of how life experience is more important than a degree.

After the robbery, the manager of the bank said to his accountant: “Let’s call the cops and tell them how much has been stolen.”

“Wait,” said the Accountant, “before we do that, let’s add the $800,000 we took for ourselves a few months ago and just say that it was stolen as part of today’s robbery.” This is an example of taking advantage of an opportunity.

The following day it was reported in the news that the bank was robbed of $3 million. The robbers counted the money, but they found only $1 million so they started to grumble. “We risked our lives for $1 million, while the bank’s management robbed two million quid without blinking? Maybe it’s better to learn how to work the system, instead of being a simple robber.” This is an example of how knowledge can be more useful than power.     

 Moral: Give a person a gun, and he can rob a bank. Give a person a bank, and he can rob everyone.

“TRUER WORDS WERE NEVER SPOKEN,” by Some Very Famous People

If God wanted us to vote, he would have given us candidates.  —Jay Leno

The problem with political jokes is they get elected. —Henry Cate

We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office —Aesop

Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build a bridge even where there is no river. —Nikita Khrushchev

When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President; I’m beginning to believe it. —Clarence Darrow

Why pay money to have your family tree traced; go into politics and your opponents will do it for you. —Author Unknown

Politicians are people who, when they see light at the end of the tunnel, go out and buy some more tunnels. —John Quinton

Politics is the gentle art of getting votes from the poor and campaign funds from the rich, by promising to protect each from the other. ­—Oscar Ameringer

I offer my opponents a bargain: if they will stop telling lies about us, I will stop telling the truth about them. ­—Adlai Stevenson, Campaign Speech, 1952

A politician is a fellow who will lay down your life for his country. —Tex Guinan

I have come to the conclusion that politics is too serious a matter to be left to the politicians. —Charles de Gaulle

Instead of giving a politician the keys to the city, it might be better to change the locks. —Doug Larson

There ought to be one day — just one — when there is open season on Congressmen. —Will Rogers

 AND A QUICKIE By Billy Boner

CONDOM HISTORY

And yet another interesting piece of history. In 1272, the Islamic Muslims invented the condom, using a goat’s lower intestine.

In 1873, the British somewhat refined the idea by taking the intestine out of the goat first.

These items are perfect to forward to all of your Internet Buddies and Facebook Friends with too much time on their hands.

Plagiarism Count: Unattributed material was filched from a mere 243 different websites for the production of today’s Blower.

 TODAY’S TOTALLY TASTELESS LIBERAL AWARD

 Goes to Obama. After making Orchestrated Disingenuous DemocRAT remarks about the Charleston Church Massacre, it was wheels up on Air Force One for some over-taxed payer funded DNC fund-raising trip to California. And would you believe, Obama never once considered cancelling those freaking fund-raisers.

 More Conservative Agenda Cartoons

Putting the Right Slant on the News!

Stories We’re Working On

WHITE MAN On Psych Drugs Kills 9 At Black Church

OBAMA’S AG LORETTA LYNCHMOB Begins Hate Crime Investigation

DISINGENUOUS DEMOCRATS say confiscate all the White People’s Guns

FARRAKHAN Warns Blacks To Stay Away From “White Bloodsuckers”

BLACK PROFESSOR Blames Fox News

BLACK ACTIVISTS Plan Riots

POLL: 71% Of PMSNBC Viewers Says White People Can Be Black If They Want To “Transracial”

Whistleblower Web Poll
This week, here’s what the first 17,648 Whistleblower Readers Poll respondents said will be the best part of this weekend’s Gay Paddlefest Festivities:
(A) Making Cincinnati the Paddling Capital of America: 2%
(B) Paddling your kayak down the 8.2 miles to Yeatman’s Cove: 1%
(C) Walking your kayak the 8.2 miles back to Coney Island where you parked your car: 1%
(D) Watching Ben Dover and Phil McKrevis paddle each other’s bottoms at the Gay Paddlefest at Sawyer Point: 96%

Note: Everything we write doesn’t have to be so damn cynical and mean-spirited, it’s just so much more fun that way!

Weekly Whistleblower Limerick Contest

Who’s Your Daddy?
This week, everybody who thinks the City’s population will never increase as long as every time a baby’s born, some guy leaves town, e-mailed an entry to the Whistleblower Limerick Contest.

The winner is Gary Goodson, who says he hopes his unappreciative offspring read his limerick before Sunday so he might get a decent present for once.

Gary wins a “World’s Greatest Dad” coffee mug from K-mart, a Father’s Day Card his wife made with free crappy clip art downloaded from the internet, and a call from the nursing home reminding him that he hasn’t visited his own father for the last six months. His winning limerick is:

To honor your dad on Father’s Day
Here is what I would say
Whether chili and cheese
Or two girls on their knees
Your old man would love a 3-way.

Dishonorable Mentions

PFC Kadon’s Entry
To honor your dad on Father’s Day,
Allow him to sadly give you away
To the United States Navy, the pride of the fleet,
And with pride mixed with tears that are so bittersweet,
Watch you ship out to the tune of “Anchors Aweigh.”

Howard Wilkinson’s Entry
To honor your dad on Father’s Day
Forget the tie or the hanky – that’s gay.
Buy him a weekend at the Holiday Inn
Where he and your mother can frolic and sin
And have an extended roll in the hay.

Bill Sloat’s Entry
To honor your dad on Father’s Day
Please refrain from calling him gay
He has paid your six years of tuition
For a job that has never come to fruition
And in his home he’s still letting you stay.

Rob Sanders’ Entry
To honor your dad on Father’s Day
Think of something positive to say,
Like, “Gee, Dad you were great!”
“I’m sorry my thanks is so late.”
“You may not be perfect, but you sure were OK!”

Jaywalking Joe Deters’ Entry
To honor your dad on Father’s Day
You really want him to play
So go to your mother
Or his significant other
And tell her to do it his way.

“In Russ We Trust” Jackson’s Entry
To honor your dad on Father’s Day
Is a hallowed part of the American Way.
The family is the foundation
Of our Western Civilization;
It keeps the godless State ever at bay.

Rick “The BatBoy” Robinson’s Entry
To honor your dad on Father’s Day,
And show how you feel, you must display,
Gratitude for once,
You ungrateful dunce,
No wonder the geezer is old and grey.

Phil Burr-Ass’ Entry
To honor your dad on Father’s Day
Try to think of something different to say,
Instead of “I need money,
Or you’re the Easter Bunny”.
(And for Pete’s sake, don’t tell him you’re gay!)

And from the Anderson Laureate (whose nine stanza limerick must certainly be some sort of world’s record.”)

To honor your dad on Father’s Day
Bring him a steak on a TV tray
Or thank him profusely
With vodka and orange juicely
But if he’s a bum, just say “Oy vey!”

Now some guys make wonderful daddies
But among the good there’s the “baddies”
He should just keep his pants zipped
If they don’t want to get whipped
And just become batboys or caddies.

To humor your dad on Father’s Day
Though the rest of the year you stay away
Just be truthful and candid
And tell him you’ve been stranded
On a mountain in the Himalay

You know how gullible some dads are
He’ll believe why you’ve been remaining afar
He’s such a poor sap
He’ll believe all of your crap
And might even buy you a new car.

But think of the saying “time will tell”
You may fall for a gorgeous young belle
If your sperm isn’t bad
You might someday be a dad,
And remember paybacks are hell!

Your kid will be thinking just like you
And your present will be a necktie or two
When what would really make you cheer
Would be a freight car full of beer
And a CD of Johnny Cash’s “Boy named Sue.”

So what goes around comes around
And trust me, my thinking is sound
Your boy will be like you
And do everything you do
Until they lower you into the ground.

So strike while the iron is hot
Get him a gift he ain’t got
Something he’ll like
Like a new Harley bike
I promise he’ll love you a lot.

But if he’s too old for a cycle
Don’t put yourself in a pickle
The thought is what counts
Not sizes or amounts
He’ll accept a shiny new nickel.

The first line of next week’s limerick is:
“When you pay your real estate taxes”

Remember: We never print all the bad stuff we know and certain people ought to be damn glad we don’t, especially, Hamilton County Treasurer Robert A. Goering, who says failure to receive a tax bill will not avoid such penalty and/or interest if you’re late mailing your Real Estate Taxes.

    SUMMER SOLSTICE HOT LINE

e-mail your summery judgments today.

Some solstice celebrating items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally celebrating subscribers.

WHISTLEBLOWER VIDEO OF THE DAY

Top 10 Crazy Donald Trump Moments

Sent in by “The Donald” himself, hoping for another Trump Moment, this time in The Blower.

   Note: We guarantee iPhone subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.

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