Daily Archives: March 27, 2014

Special “Amateur Athletics” Edition

One of the best parts about publishing The Whistleblower Newswire is checking our e-mail first thing each morning to see some of those politically insightful items we’ve received from our equally politically insightful subscribers. Our readers’ comments are extremely helpful for our analysis and interpretation of today’s important top stories. 

Thursday, March 27, 2014

March Madness Mishmash 

  • image005The worst part about March Madness besides all of that endless hype about all those NCAA Men’s Basketball Teams like Motherfucker State you really couldn’t care less about, is the nation’s loss of productivity, because thousands of businesses continue to suffer when millions of employees watch scores on their computers or games on their phones instead of actually working. That wasted productivity costs the U.S. economy billions of dollars.

Each March, tens of millions of brackets are filled out, but the odds that a bracket will be perfect, are only that is, every game guessed correctly, are only 9.2 quintillion to one. Why do you think Warren Buffet knows he’s safe offering $1 billion to anybody who can fill out a perfect 2014 NCAA tournament bracket?

  • image007PRESIDENT OBAMA, whose one-day visit to Belgium yesterday with a 900-strong entourage, including 45 vehicles and three cargo planes, only cost that little country $10.4 million in security costs, didn’t fill out a perfect bracket. 
  • GOP SPEAKER OF THE HOUSE JOHN BOEHNER, whose chances of being beaten by a TEA Party Patriot in the GOP Primary Election are about the same 9.2 quintillion to one as successfully filling out a perfect 2014 NCAA Tournament bracket, didn’t fill out a perfect bracket.
  • SENATE MINORITY LEADER MITCH MCCONNELL, who says “The odds of Matt Bevan beating me in my Primary race are slightly closer, only 4.8 quintillion to one,” didn’t fill out a perfect bracket.
  • WESTERN SOUTHERN CEO JOHN BARRETT; HAMILTON COUNTY RINO PARTY BOSS ALEX T., MALL COP GOP; AND HAMILTON COUNTY COMMISSIONER ME, GREG HARTMANN, whose chances of raising enough money to bring the 2016 Republican National Convention to Cincinnati are even worse than the chances that Liz Rogers’ will pay her entire rent for her Failed Mahogany’s Soul Food Restaurant on April 1, didn’t fill out a perfect bracket.
  • image009LIZ ROGERS, who says if those honkies think they’re getting any money on April 1, they’re the April Fools, didn’t fill out a perfect bracket. 
  • THE SOUL FOOD SIX ON CINCINNATI CITY CLOWN-SALE (Laure “Not So” Cleanlivin, Street Car Flip Flopper P.G. Sittenfeld, Yvette Simpson, Cecil Thomas, Wendell Young, and The Windbag), who say we’re glad nobody asked us to co-sign Liz’s Loan, didn’t fill out a perfect bracket.
  • SMLP CHRIS SMITHERMOUTH, CLOWN-CIL GAY CHRIS SQUEALBACK, AND FOXY ROXY QUALLS, who all say “We agreed with The Blower that the City had no business making that loan,” didn’t fill out a perfect bracket.   
  • ALL THOSE DUMBED-DOWN, SELF-ABSORBED, MEDIA-INFLUENCED, CELEBRITY-OBSESSED, POLITICALLY-CORRECT, UNINFORMED, SHORT-ATTENTION-SPAN, FREE-STUFF GRABBING, LOW-INFORMATION OBAMA VOTERS WHO PUT OBAMA IN THE WHITE HOUSE—TWICE, who are willing to stand in line for three hours to vote early rather than using a 49-cent stamp to mail in an absentee ballot or walk to their neighborhood polling place on Election Day to vote for free, didn’t fill out a perfect bracket. 
  • image010TRACIE HUNTER, now a Defrocked DemocRAT Judge, sitting at home waiting to be a Disbarred DemocRAT while Judge Sylvia “Big Momma” Hendon sent those poor misunderstood yoofs to jail Tracie had been protecting all this time, didn’t fill out a perfect bracket.
  • STEVECIA RACE, who brought in Race-Baiter Al Sharpton to honor convicted DemocRAT Vote Frauder Melowese Richardson at the D-RATS’ bogus Voters Rights Rally last week, didn’t fill out a perfect bracket.
  • PETER $TAUTBERG (the best State Rep-Tile Money Can Buy), who’s going to be lynched at tonight’s TEA Party Candidates Night in Hyde Park, didn’t fill out a perfect bracket.
  • COAST’S LITIGIOUS LAWYER CHRIS FINNEY, who claims he’ll tell the truth when he argues for a politician’s Right to Lie before the U.S. Supreme Court next month, didn’t fill out a perfect bracket.
  • FLIM-FLAMMING FLYBOY FRED KUNDRATA, who ran unsuccessfully for Congress as a Republican against “Mean Jean” Schmidt in Ohio’s Second District in 2012, but is now trying to run even more unsuccessfully for Congress as a Dumbed-Down DemocRAT in Ohio’s First District against Steve Chabotthead, didn’t fill out a perfect bracket.
  • image011ANXIOUS ANDERSONIANS, eager to be included on Whistleblower’s List of the 50 Most Fascinating People in Anderson to be announced later this year, didn’t fill out a perfect bracket.
  • HURLEY THE HISTORIAN, who says on this day in 1998, the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) approved use of the drug Viagra, an oral medication that treats impotence, didn’t fill out a perfect bracket.
  • OUR GOOD FRIEND BOBBY LEACH, who says, “Next to BB&BJ Day, all my old friends and I say Viagra Day at Morehead is our favorite holiday of the entire year,” didn’t fill out a perfect bracket.
  • OUR QUOTE FOR TODAY COMMITTEE, who chose Rodney Dangerfield’s, “I’m taking Viagra and drinking prune juice  so I don’t know if I’m coming or going,” didn’t fill out a perfect bracket.
  • WHISTLEBLOWER ALTERNATIVE LIFESTYLES CONTRIBUTORS BEN DOVER AND PHIL MCKREVIS, who say if doesn’t matter if same sex marriages are legal in Kentucky, since all gays are probably going to Hell anyway, didn’t fill out a perfect bracket.
  • image012BLUEGRASS STATE REPRESENTATIVE ADDIA WUCHNER, who was really surprised to see her picture in Tuesday’s Whistleblower, didn’t fill out a perfect bracket.
  • BLUEGRASS BUREAU CHIEF KEN CAMBOO, who’s hoping his snitches return from Spring Break soon, didn’t fill out a perfect bracket.
  • KENTUCKY FOURTH DISTRICT CONGRESSMAN THOMAS MASSIE, who says now that legislators in Kentucky voted to make sure tolls would never be used to pay to renovate the Brent Spence Bridge, where the hell do they think they’re going to get the money, didn’t fill out a perfect bracket.
  • OUR GOOD FRIEND KENTON COUNTY COMMONWEALTH ATTORNEY E ROB SANDERS, whose “This Week in Kenton Circuit Court” is always bursting at the seams with ugly mugs depicting the usual druggies, thugs, thieves, and scum bags, didn’t fill out a perfect bracket.
  • ERIC “CALL ME CRAZY” DETERS, who still manages to get his name in The Fishwrap, even though he’s still suspended from practicing law in both Ohio and Kentucky, didn’t fill out a perfect bracket.
  • image013CONSERVATIVE BLUEGRASS SENATOR RAND PAUL, who actually believes he has a shot at the GOP Presidential Nomination in 2016, didn’t fill out a perfect bracket.
  • NORTHERN KENTUCKY DEMOCRAT DOMINATRIX KATHY GROOB, who can’t wait to invite Disgraced Former Pants Dropper-in-Chief Bill Clinton to her house in Fort Mitchell to support DemocRAT Alison Wondergams Grimes’ campaign to unseat Bitch McConnell in the U.S. Senate, which everybody knows is nothing more than a rehearsal for Hillary’s big campaign for President in 2016, didn’t fill out a perfect bracket.
  • NATHAN “CORNBREAD” SMITH AND MICHAEL LIQUID PLUMMER, who say you sure can drink a lot watching Kentucky playing during March Madness, didn’t fill out a perfect bracket.
  • OLIVER KLOZHOFF, who only has a few more days of looking for Major Yabbos on Florida beaches during Spring Break, didn’t fill out a perfect bracket.
  • FINALLY, BELOVED WHISTLEBLOWER PUBLISHER CHARLES FOSTER KANE, who only has a few more days of being nice to women during Women’s History Month, didn’t fill out a perfect bracket.

image019Remember: We never print all the bad stuff we know and certain people ought to be damn glad we don’t, especially “Oliver Klozhoff.”

Now From This Week, Here’s How “The Sweet Sixteen” Would Play Out If The Richest Teams Won Every Game  

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[READ MORE HERE]

Another Proud Sponsor and Avid Fan

image016  Today’s edition is brought to you by a generous “in-kind” donation during our March fund-raising drive by Liz Rogers, in exchange for all that wonderful FREE publicity we’ve given Mahogany’s Soul Food Restaurant during Black Women Victims’ History Month.

MARCH MADNESS HOTLINE

e-mail your perfect brackets today.

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Some employers’ time wasting items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally employers’ time wasting subscribers.

Whistleblower Video of the Day

The BANNED Super Bowl Commercial You Haven’t Seen Yet!

image018 (Sent in by Women’s History Month Faux Facebook Friend Blondie Whalen [890 Friends, 22 Mutual], who works in the Mayors Office in Y’All Ville.) 

image019Note: We guarantee Blackberry subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.

Current Whistleblower Policies and Disclaimers can be found here

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