Monday, March 24, 2014
Life’s a Beach!
SOMEWHERE IN FLORIDA: This year for Spring Break after Punxsutawney Phil totally blew his 2014 Early Spring Forecast everybody had been counting on, so The Blower is working on a list of guys who took their wives and families to the Redneck Riviera, Naples, Destin, or Key Largo, just so they could spend all day on the beach ogling young girls’ breasts. You’ll never guess whose names are already on that list.
We asked an aging attorney acquaintance still searching for his lost youth and vigor why he always goes down to Naples on Spring Break, and he told us, “Because I can.”
- Again this year the Reds’ Spring Training games won’t be a distraction, like they always used to be in Sarasota. But Tri-staters down here this week on Siesta Key can still keep up on what’s happening in Washington and the ‘Natti by checking out The Blower. And even with only 43 more days until the 2014 Ohio Primary Elections (57 more days in Kentucky), by using this internet thingy, we can take our laptop to the beach and you probably wouldn’t know the difference.
And with gas near $4-a-gallon, Whistleblower Senior Spoiled Sports Editor Andy FurBall says, “Can you imagine driving 1,863 miles from Cincinnati to Goodyear, Arizona (wherever the hell that is) just to watch Reds Overpaid Closer Aroldis Chapman get hit in the face with a line drive? What a long ride home that would be, Reds fans!
- And how big an idiot do you have to be to tell all your Facebook Friends when you’re out of town? That sounds like a “Burglar Alert” to us. “Hello, We’re in Arizona…come rob our houses!”
- All over Spring Break Land, political junkies are trying to ignore the latest hype from Obamaland, because nothing is going to change all that much by the time we return next week. Basketball fans afflicted with March Madness other than those from UC, Xavier, and Ohio State will be watching the games on their cell phones this week.
Last night at the Happy Homo Gay Bar in Destin, gay guys were wearing flashing Rob “Fighting for Fisting” Portman T-Shirts to celebrate the first anniversary of Ohio’s supposedly “Common Sense Conservative” Junior U.S. Senator’s changing his long-held position against same-sex marriages, just because his son was gay.
Whistleblower Alternate Life-styles Contributors Ben Dover and Phil McKrevis say one of the comedians was even telling a Mark Mallory joke. Even in Florida, they’re still talking about that year Cincinnati’s Dainty DemocRAT Mayor Mark “Throws Like a Sissy” Mallory’s threw the worst Opening Day pitch in baseball history.
Next Monday afternoon, Cincinnati Reds “Captains” Davy Concepción and Barry Larkin will throw out simultaneous first pitches prior to the Reds vs St. Louis Cardinals Opening Day game at 4:10 p.m. at Mediocre American Ball Park, thus sparing everyone in Cincinnati the utter embarrassment of watching the new mayor, Diminutive DemocRAT John Cranley attempt to duplicate Mallory’s illustrious record.
In a related item, Political Insiders on the beach were wondering what kind of mud that DemocRAT National Committee Opposition Research Operation is threatening to use to expose prominent Conservatives in the 2014 elections.
Fortunately, so far the most damaging thing they’re willing to use is that picture from the time Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane appeared in an erotic Chippendales video with a RINO, two Devious DemocRATS, and a Gay Darkie Mayor.
Remember: We never print all the bad stuff we know and certain people ought to be damn glad we don’t, especially Odd Todd Opportune and David A. Pepper.
SPRING BREAK HOT LINE
e-mail your yabbo sighting photos today.
Some Spring Break items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally Spring Break Watching subscribers.
Whistleblower Women’s History Month Video
Classic Spring Break Video
(Sent in by Women’s History Month Faux Facebook Friend Birthday Girl Judge Sylvia Hendon [348 Friends, 47 Mutual] whose Facebook photos do not include one of her in a bikini.)
Note: We guarantee Blackberry subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.
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