Tuesday, March 18, 2014
Real E-Mails from Real Subscribers
If only Saint Patrick were alive today, he could stop in at the White House, Congress, your State House, every city hall and courthouse in the tri-state. —Harry the Herpetologist- Yesterday was officially St. Patrick’s Day in Greater Cincinnati. That’s when people of Irish descent have too much to drink, or as former Cincinnati Mayor Quisling Charlie Luken calls it, “Monday.” —Hurley the Historian
- Why weren’t there more Black Irish people marching in last weekend’s St. Patrick’s Day Parade? —Belligerent Black Blogger Nate “Rhymes With Hate” Livingston
- The best part of the St. Patrick’s Day Parade was seeing Erin Go Bra-less. —Horny Hibernians
- We remember last year at this time when The Fishwrap was cheerleading for Rob “Fighting for Flamers” Portman’s evolving position on same sex marriage, as well as exaggerating the importance of some unhappy gay group that wasn’t allowed to take part in Saturday’s St. Patrick’s Day Parade. —Whistleblower Alternative Life-Styles Correspondents Ben Dover and Phil McKrevis
- Those “Fluffers” in the media always know where to find a lot of Sodomy Rites Activists to interview in a hurry. —Greater Cincinnati Moral Authority Chairman Phil Burrass
Speaking of the St. Patrick’s Day Parade, some of those Irish people looked like our members. —The KKK- Would any of you dudes like to see my shillelagh. —Cincinnati Clowncilgay Chris Squealback
- Maybe that’s why we chose Oscar Wilde’s, “A true friend stabs you in the front.” —Quote for Today Committee
- What’s the biggest difference between Black History Month and St. Patrick’s Day? On St. Patrick’s Day everybody wants to be Irish. —Redneck Republicans
- Did The Blower forget to mention that Palm Sunday has always been my favorite holiday? —Judge Mike Barrett (still keeping everything well in hand)
Today there are only 49 more days till the May 6 primary elections in Ohio. —Campaign Countdown Clock Watchers - That means there are only 63 mudslinging days till the May 20 primaries in Kentucky. —Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo
- Mirror, Mirror, on the wall, was the biggest backstabber of all? —Political Insiders at the Conservative Agenda
- If you’re an elected official in Northern Kentucky, you might be a backstabber. —Jeff Foxworthy
- Spring usually arrives in the tri-state when UC basketball fans are home watching the Kentucky Wildcats play on TV. —Whistleblower Senior Spoiled Sports Editor Andy FurBall
- Spring doesn’t officially arrive in Northern Kentucky until the Horseshoe Casino Cincinnati Spiral Stakes and the Pure Romance Bourbonette Oaks on March 22 at Turfway Park. —Turfway Touts
Spring doesn’t officially arrive in Northern Kentucky until drunks sober up from St. Patrick’s Day. —Mainstrasse Bars- Spring doesn’t usually arrive in Northern Kentucky until we start tossing back Bock beer chasers. But ah, it greets the lips like an old friend. —Michael Liquid Plummer and Nathan “Cornbread” Smith
- Spring doesn’t officially arrive in Northern Kentucky until we’ve each devoured 437 boxes of Girl Scout Cookies. —Clueless Marc Wilson and Scott “Pass the Biscuits” Kimmich
- Spring never officially arrived in Northern Kentucky during the good old days until I got my Hummer polished, if you know what I mean. —Kenton County Commonwealth Attorney E. Rob Sanders
- Spring doesn’t officially arrive in Northern Kentucky until the Bluegrass Bar Association takes my law license away. —Big Mouth, Most Sanctioned, Ambulance Chaser, No Count of a Radio Host, Shameless Self Promoter, Willie Wannabe, Why Haven’t I Been Totally Disbarred Yet, Who Likes Bulldogs and Failed Roadhouse Operator Eric “Call Me Crazy” Deters
I agree. —Greedy Hearse-Chasing, Disgraced-DemocRAT Clinton-loving, Fen-Phen Scandal Plagued, Not-yet-Indicted Trial Attorney $tan Che$ley- Happy St. Patrick’s Day to an Irish relative who came here with a dream of equality and now wants to move back because we elected a black president. —Mother Machree
- Spring doesn’t officially arrive in Northern Kentucky until all Covington sex shops have their annual Spring sale. —Steve “I’m 5’0, Not 4’11” Mergele and Will “The Thrill” Terwort
Spring doesn’t officially arrive in Northern Kentucky until you have sex with your first spring sheep. —Gex “Rhymes With Sex” Williams- Spring doesn’t officially arrive in Northern Kentucky until people at least start thinking about paying their taxes. —Your Friends at the IRS
- Spring doesn’t officially arrive in Northern Kentucky until you tickle a young man’s fancy. —MILFs on Probation
- Spring doesn’t officially arrive in Northern Kentucky until we fake our equinox orgasms. —Uptight Bitches in Fort Mitchell
- Spring doesn’t officially arrive in Northern Kentucky until people are lined up for Opening Day tickets in May to see the Florence Freedom. —Y’All Ville Mayor Blondie “I Thought You Guys at the Blower Forgot About Me” Whalen
Spring doesn’t officially arrive in Northern Kentucky till I celebrate BB&BJ Day on March 20. —Horny in Hebron- I went to the local hardware store for a pint of green paint and Thursday I’ll paint my ass green and stand on the corner of Anderson/Crescent Springs Road and Buttermilk Pike and all you Irish can come by and KISS IT! —Mayor Mike Martin
- Trish O’Dish says Spring doesn’t officially arrive in Northern Kentucky until St. Patrick sees his shadow. —TV 19 News
- Sure and Begorrah, my new job at WCPO-TV really has its ups and downs. —Dan O’Carroll
- And if all of that isn’t Newsworthy enough, check out “Boston Mayor Throws Out First Punch At St. Patrick’s Day Parade.” —The Onion
Remember: We never print all the bad stuff we know and certain people ought to be damn glad we don’t, especially Charlie Luken.
— Whistleblower Official Weekly Disclaimer —
Sometimes The Blower makes fun of fake Irish people to show that all this diversity crap is not appropriate in our society. This should be clear to anybody who isn’t a drunken Blarney Stone-kissing, Shillelagh-shaking Mick.
Disclaimer: This publication is a work of fiction. Any similarity to persons living or dead without satirical intent is purely coincidental, especially “Erin Go Bragh less.”
HIBERNIAN HANGOVER HOT LINE
E-mail your sure cures today
Some inebriated Irish items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally inebriated Irish subscribers.
WHISTLEBLOWER VIDEO OF THE DAY
The Horrifying True Story of St. Patrick’s Day
(Sent in by Women’s History Month Faux Facebook Friend Rosemary Kelly O’Schatzman [292 Friends, 18 Mutual], who works very hard at being retired)
Note: We guarantee Blackberry subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.
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