Sunday, March 9, 2013
The Whistleblower Week in Review
OUR NUMBER ONE FECKLESS FOREIGN POLICY STORY THIS WEEK was when last Sunday’s E-dtion (published on Saturday), The Blower reported Obama was singing “Crimea River,” after he showed up at that Happy Hour for the DemocRAT Party to make that big announcement about how deeply concerned he was because Russian President Bad Vlad Putin had totally ignored Obama’s warnings not to invade.
- OUR NUMBER TWO FECKLESS FOREIGN POLICY STORY THIS WEEK was we congratulated The People’s Cube, for being first to follow up on our little joke, because let’s face it, Obama is entirely irrelevant to Putin’s next moves. Five years of Obama’s Feckless Foreign Policy have made sure of that.
- AND OUR NUMBER THREE FECKLESS FOREIGN POLICY STORY THIS WEEK was the next day when Conservative Columnist Ann Coulter used “Crimea River” as the title of March 5 column, and somebody else came up with this “Crimea River” variation.
- MONDAY in our Official “Academy Awards” E-dition, The Blower said any other Official “Academy Awards” E-dition would surely be a fake.
Real Awards for Real Acting
Sunday night, millions of Americans watched the 86th Annual Academy Awards in Hollywood. These viewers know everything about every film and movie star being nominated. Unfortunately, these are the same Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span, Free-Stuff Grabbing, Low-Information Obama Voters Who Put Obama In The White House—Twice and who’ve ensured us all of another 1,054 days during the Dark Ages of America’s Second Term, unless he’s impeached.
Nevertheless, at today’s meeting of the Conservative Agenda, Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane was pleased as punch to present The Whistleblower’s “Real Awards for Real Acting” for 2014.
[READ MORE HERE]
- TUESDAY in our Special “Foreign Policy Fiasco” E-dition, The Blower reported “The White House Claims Putin’s The Weak One, Not Obama!” and “Real E-Mails from Real Subscribers” included:
- Obama has the current Ukraine Crisis totally under control, and we have propaganda photos to prove it. —Obama’s White House Spokes Dweeb Jay Cardboard
- Maybe that’s why we chose Ronald Reagan’s “Mr. Gorbachev, Tear down this wall.” —Your Quote for Today Committee
- Despite the invasion of Ukraine by Russia when Putin called Obama’s bluff after Obama’s “watered down warning,” Obama failed to attend his National Security Team meeting to discuss the situation. Instead, he was later “briefed” by his Designated Benghazi Liar Susan Rice. —The Weekly Standard
- Friday, after Russian military forces entered the Crimea region and took control of two airports, Obama delivered a message from the White House briefing room, saying he was “deeply concerned,” then headed off to a fund-raiser where he declared it was officially “Happy Hour for the DemocRAT Party. —Fox News
- Obama’s “reset button” must not be working. When he got owned on the phone for 90 minutes on Saturday, I told him to sing “Crimea River.” —Bad Vlad Putin
- Unfortunately we have leaders and media with no long view, who couldn’t even see this coming on Thursday, much less in 2008. —Sarah Palin
[READ MORE HERE]
- WEDNESDAY in our Special “Ash Wednesday” E-dition, The Blower asked, “Are Most Americans Giving Up Hope For Lent?”
ASH WEDNESDAY HOT LINE
e-mail us your dust-to-dust comments today.
Some sacrilegious items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally sacrilegious subscribers.
[READ MORE HERE]
- THURSDAY, in our Special “Same Time Last Year” E-dition, The Blower said, “Those Were the Good Old Days!”
What a Difference a Year Makes
Think of how much things have changed since the first Thursday in March, 2013. It was our Special “Gambling Fever” E-dition because everybody was celebrating the Grand Opening of the Horseshoe Casino in Downtown Cincinnati, which promised untold riches for ever resident in the Tri-State, except Liz Rogers, who had already gotten a cool $1 Million from Mark Mallory and his dumbed-down City Clowncil to piss away on a the only black restaurant to be located at the Banks. But unfortunately the IRS took $50,000 for that pesky tax lien and the crowds at the Freedom Center across the street failed to materialize.
OUR NUMBER ONE STORY LAST YEAR was the top ten excuses Hamilton County Municipal Court Judge Brad Greenberg gave his wife after she caught him with a couple of floozies at the Horseshoe Casino.
10. They were just volunteers for my next campaign.
9. I was considering their appeal.
8. They’re moonlighting from their day jobs as bailiffs at the Courthouse.
7. They wanted to show me their ankle monitor bracelets.
6. They asked me if I had a gavel in my pocket.
5. They were trying to sell me some hair restorer.
4. They wanted to make sure my wife wasn’t wearing the same outfit.
3. Jerry Springer introduced us.
2. Floozies? What Floozies?
…And the number one excuse Hamilton County Municipal Court Judge Brad Greenberg gave his wife after she caught him with a couple of floozies at the Horseshoe Casino was… Hamilton County RINO Party Boss Alex T., Mall Cop GOP said my wife would never find out.
[READ MORE HERE]
- FRIDAY, in our “Just Another Guest Column E-dition, The Blower explained, “But It’s Still the Same Old BS!”
Now Let’s Meet Today’s Guest Editor:
Why, it’s none other than Sarah Palin, long-derided as a soccer mom with a limited grasp of international geopolitical affairs, who when speaking as the Republican vice-presidential nominee in the 2008 US presidential campaign, warned that if Barack Obama was elected then Russia would be likely to invade Ukraine.
These days, Sassy Sarah says “Obama — the perception of him and his potency across the world — is one of such weakness. Lookit, people are lookin’ at Putin as one who wrestles bears and drills for oil. They look at our president as one who wears mom jeans and equivocates and bloviates. We are not exercising that ‘peace through strength’ that only can be brought to you courtesy of the red, white and blue, that only a strengthened United States military can do.”
Which is why The Blower, which takes pride in supporting the Fairer Sex during Women’s History Month, is pleased to select Ms. Palin to be this week’s guest editor and choose three items plus a Quickie for today’s E-dition from our Current Cadre of Conservative Columnists and Contributors.
In 2012, Republican Presidential Candidate Mitt Romney described Russia as America’s “number one geopolitical foe,” for which he was soundly mocked by Obama’s Supporters in the Press, after Obama said, “The 1980s are now calling to ask for their foreign policy back because … the Cold War’s been over for 20 years.”
No wonder Conservative Commentator Mark Levin said earlier this week, “Everything Obama touches turns to crap,” not that any of those Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span, Free-Stuff Grabbing, Low-Information Obama Voters Who Put Obama In The White House—Twice could ever tell you the difference between the Rhineland and Disneyland.
[READ MORE HERE]
- SATURDAY in our Special “Quality Time” E-dition, The Blower said, “Time Wounds All Heels!”
It’s Almost Daylight Savings Time, Everybody!
IT’S ALMOST TIME TO SPRING FORWARD: Now where’d we put those damn instructions for changing the time on our new digital watch and the dashboard clock in our cars? Our Quote for Today Committee likes Gary Shandling’s I once made love for an hour and fifteen minutes, but it was on the night the clocks are set ahead. But actually, as confusing as the reasons for Daylight Savings Time are, you shouldn’t forget Yogi Berra’s scientific explanation: “It gets late earlier out there.”
SPEAKING OF TELLING TIME: Our Campaign Countdown Clockwatcher tells us now there are only 59 more days till the Forrest Gump School District’s Stealth Tax Hike Election, and Greedy Media Ad Salesmen can hardly wait for all those negative commercials to start running.
OUR LATE NIGHT JOKEWATCHER liked last year when Jay Leno said, “Liberals are asking us to give Obama time. We agree and think 25-to-life would be appropriate.”
HURLEY THE HISTORIAN says on this date in 1965, U.S. Marines landed at Da Nang in Vietnam, and “Saskatchewan Willie” Cunningham wasn’t among them
[READ MORE HERE]
More Women’s History Month Political Insight This Weekend
FECKLESS FISHWRAPPERS: Down at The Fishwrap, Metro Mole says during Women’s History Month, Female Fishwrap Editor Wedgie Washburn was pleased to introduce her new-and-improved Cincinnati.com website. Wedgie was excited to show off her redesign because access to Cincinnati.com is a part of everybody’s Fishwrap subscription, and she wanted subscribers to get their full money’s worth. Tabloid Troublemaker Tino Delgato says there’s a lot of eye appeal to the new format, but the content hasn’t really changed, because in Cincinnati, it’s not Baseball, Mom, or Apple Pie that have always made our community great, it’s our “Diversity!” It’s sort of like trying to put earrings on a pig. Most times he thinks The Fishwrap is just the front end of USA Today, and those Pop-up ads drive him nuts. After all, he’s paying for the digital edition, so why must he be inundated by pop-ups? Tino’s always amazed by the Blog “experts” who think they are journalists. They put down the FW in the Blog, yet keep reading it. Go figure!!! 
HURLEY THE HISTORIAN says on this date in 1954, Senate Republicans leveled criticism at DemocRAT-turned-Republican Joseph McCarthy and took action to limit his power. The criticism and actions were indications that McCarthy’s glory days as the most famous investigator of communist activity in the United States were coming to an end. Do you think Bluegrass Senator Rand Paul will remember this date?
BTW, the Randster easily won the presidential straw poll at the Conservative Political Action Conference, one test of the Republican base’s mood less than two years before the 2016 primary season kicks off. Paul received 31%, far ahead of second place Sen. Ted Cruz (R-Texas), who received 11%. Neurosurgeon Ben Carson finished third with 9%, ahead of New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie, who received 8%.
THAT’S WHY OUR QUOTE FOR TODAY COMMITTEE chose Joseph Welch’s “Have you no sense of decency?” spoken during the Army-McCarthy Hearings.- THE LATEST POLLS: Whistleblower Pollster Ron Rasmussen says Hillary Clinton Ranks Last On America’s “Most Admired” List, Behind Rush Limbaugh and George W. Bush, And yet libs would like us to believe Pant Suits is a lock for 2016.
- DUMBED-DOWN DEMOCRATS: This weekend, Obsessive Obama Supporters Tom and Rose were pleased to sign a Disingenuous DemocRAT e-mail congratulating House Republicans on their 50th vote to undermine ObamaCare.
FROM CROPPER’S CRAPPER: This week, Senate Surrender Caucus Leader Bitch McConnell gave an uninspiring speech at the Conservative Political Action Committee Convention in Washington. [See More of Edward Cropper’s Photo Shop Editorial Spoofs on Current Events Here]- IN NORTHERN KENTUCKY: Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo says Friday, during Women’s History Month, marked the one-year anniversary of the reauthorization of the Violence Against Women Act, and Alison Wondergams Grimes’ Political Director Elizabeth Cantrell sent out an e-mail asking people to sign a meaningless petition to show you stand with women.
Horny in Hebron says BB&BJ Day on March 20 will be a good way to celebrate Women’s History Month.
The latest and greatest e-dition of Our Good Friend Kenton County Commonwealth’s Attorney E Rob Sanders’ villainous e-newsletter is on cyber news stands now! This week’s “This Week In Kenton Circuit Court” features hoodlums, scoundrels, and scallywags along with a few bums, hookers, and junkies but for once, none of them worked for the government! Never fear, however, because the Kenton County Grand Jury just indicted yet another public employee, this one at the NoKY Water District, for using over-taxed payers’ credit card to fill up her gas tank… for seven years to the tune of $14,000 or so! While he’s at it, Bluegrass readers can surely think of a few more people on the public dime who should be behind bars! Email your suggestions to The Blower today, snitches!
Our Vanilla Hills Vigilante says he heard a rumor that the Police Chief got fired by the Mayor on Thursday. Some of our VH Snitches need to check that out.
Best of all, the Cabal of NoKY Lawyers Still Out to Destroy Eric “Call Me Crazy” Deters (including the Lisa Wells WLW Fan Club during Women’s History Month) couldn’t find anything to laugh about “Crazy Eric’s” still not being able to practice in Kentucky or Ohio, until Lisa asked, “Practice what?” Then one of the Cabelleros said it would be really funny if the Kentucky Bar Association knew a whole bad bunch of stuff “Crazy Eric” had done that Forgetful Fishwrapper Jim Hannah failed to report and “Crazy Eric” didn’t know that they knew, and everybody laughed a little louder.
IN COLUMBUS: Buckeye Bureau Chief Gerry Manders says John Boehner told The Fishwrap, getting re-elected speaker “won’t even be close.” That doesn’t say much about those TEA Party guys not getting any publicity in the May 6 GOP Primary in only 58 more days.
RACIAL HEALING UPDATE: Did Deadbeat Desperado Liz Rogers really cough up half of her much overdue rent for her Cincinnati restaurant Mahogany? Word is, she must pay Jeffrey Anderson Real Estate the remaining $26,000 by March 10 or be evicted from the retail space.
You can bet Deadbeat Liz didn’t use her own money to pay that first $26,000 payment. Who singled her out for such largesse? Do you think Diminutive DemocRAT Mayor John Cranley authorized the city to pay her rent obligation? And if he did, would Cranley, to be fair to all, now pay off the debt of every citizen of Cincinnati who has fallen behind on their mortgage or apartment rent? We doubt it.
Deadbeat Liz whines she is a victim of discrimination. Was she discriminated against when she willingly passed bad checks multiple times? Was she discriminated against when she refused to pay a small businessman who designed a website for her? Was she discriminated against when she refused to pay the state of Ohio the sales tax she owed them? Was she discriminated against when she refused to pay Workers Comp payments? Bring out the violins and get out your box of tissues.
Tomorrow we will talk about Deadbeat Liz’s laughable last-ditch claim that some unnamed person embezzled from her.
WITH ANOTHER RACIAL HEALING UPDATE, down at the City Hall Circus, some of our snitches are wondering if it’s true that our visionary police chief has raided the agency’s asset forfeiture fund and spent $20k+ to buy gym shoes for all da yoofs in da hoop program. Word has it that all training was then canceled because day ain’t no mo monies! Stay tuned on this one!
By the way, whatever happened to Mayor Mallory’s personal body guard Scott Johnson? Well, it seems as though after the election, our visionary police chief adopted him to be his personal driver and “strategic advisor.” Oh and Scotty J’s sista’ Ms. Julie J jus happen to bees da chief’s udda advisor and PIO along wit da new PIO from Dohoney’s cast, Ms. Tiffany. Seem like Ms. T didn’t likes her city car so we’s gots her a new Lexus – (not yet confirmed but I’m working on it). Makes sense doe cause if yo’s impotent, yo gotta look impotent!
So da chief gots lots of peoples on his personal staff yet we’s is still callin’ in da cops from da field to go get da chief’s car washed so it bees lookin’ good. Oh yea, and we ain’t got enough o’ da cops in da field. Dats why da is killin’ each uddas! We’s be needin’ some mo’ polices so we’s gittin’s us a new recruit class. BTW – Dat was Scotty J on da news shootin’ hoops at St. X gym when da chief announced him’s new hoops program to stop da violence. All dem chilluns at St. X sho’ do be needin’ hep keepin’ from gittin’ shot on da streets!
UN-FREAKING-BELIEVABLE!
LIBERAL LUNACY: In Human Events’ “365 Ways to Drive a Liberal Crazy,” #77 says: Instead of “Progressive,” always use the words “Oppressive” or “Regressive.” When called on this, feign puzzlement. “But how is it progress to steal free citizens’ liberties, money, and hope, and hand it all over to government bureaucrats?”
THE FOIBLES OF FRED: Several Real Republican readers were not one bit surprised to learn that 2014 Ohio First District DemocRAT Congressional Candidate Fred Kundrata is the same Fred Kundrata whose picture appeared in The Blower after he got only 3% of the vote running as a shill against “Bronze Star” Brad Wenstrup in the Ohio Republican Primary in 2012. Amazingly, Fred’s “Shill Baby Shill” can still be found on Goggle.
OUR LATE NIGHT TV JOKEWATCHER liked Conan O’Brien’s “Today is the second day of the 40-day Catholic holiday of Lent. You know what I’m giving up this year? The 40-day Catholic holiday of Lent.”- BREAKING NEWS: P&G Snitch Charmin Smale wonders when those nine Greenpeace activists got past security at Procter & Gamble’s Downtown headquarters, did anybody ask if it was an “inside job?”
NOW HERE’S THE LATEST FROM BUNKY TADWELL (OUR ODIOUS OCTEGENARIAN), THE BARD OF CLEVES, whose latest book, “Up Your Equinox” is available at better bookstores everywhere, except of course in Cleves:
Springing Forward
Spring is almost here
It brings some warmer breezes
It also brings more allergies
And watery eyes and sneezes.
THIS WEEK’S SEEDIEST KID OF ALL WAS “GREGGIE DELEV,” an unhappy 14-year-old Anderson Township second-grader who was never chosen for anything important, no matter how much he sucked up to everybody at school. [READ MORE HERE]
IN LAST WEEK’S COLUMN FROM PATRONAGE COUNTY TITLED “GRIPE,” We learned about the that irate phone call from Commissioner Swindle in Patronage County, who complained,“Why do you always gripe about the way politicians steal taxpayers’ money. “Gripe, gripe, gripe—all you ever do is gripe!” That op-ed column first appeared in the legendary Mt. Washington Press on February 25, 1981.
THE FREE GRAIN PARTY: Organizers are starting to get serious about marching on Washington to get all that FREE stuff Obama promised when he won re-election in 2012. Because they’re still waiting to receive all those free phones, gas, healthcare, and everything else that most people who work have to pay for.- REPUBLICANS FOR HIGHER TAXES is very happy to report that our Ohio Republican Party (ORP) refused to endorse three evil conservative Republican State Representatives for re-election. Normally the ORP automatically endorses all its incumbents, but something had to be done to send a message to conservatives that they aren’t welcome anymore. [READ MORE HERE]
- IN ANDERSON (Where that Edsel-Eating Pothole at Beechmont and Five Mile still hasn’t been repaired), everybody’s wondering if when State Rep-tile Peter $tautberg (the best one can buy) told the guys in the House Caucus in Columbus he will never ever again attend an Anderson Township Republican Club meeting, because the last time he was there, they hurt his feelings by calling him bad names, just because he had voted the way Chippy told him, would that mean Pouting Peter wouldn’t feel welcome at an Anderson TEA Party too?
NOTE: It may have been 71 degrees in Punta Gorda, Florida on Saturday afternoon, Channel 9’s New Helicopter Guy Dan Carroll says but the water in the Lyons YMCA pool was a wonderful 86. Eat your heart out, Weickel.
FINALLY, AT YESTERDAY’S MEETING OF THE CONSERVATIVE AGENDA: Political Insiders asked Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane if, now that February’s Black History Month was over at last, The Blower would be celebrating Women’s History Month with the same fervor and zeal. “I don’t know how much more we could’ve done to honor women in yesterday’s e-dition,” Kane explained, “than to highlight the women who’ve been valued members of the Cincinnati Streetcar Project. Just wait till you see our Swimsuit E-dition.”
AND COMING UP IN “THE WEEK THAT WILL BE”:
Monday (March 10)we’ll kicking off our Official “Political Backstabbers Week,” as well as continuing to count down the 1,048 days remaining during the Dark Ages of Obama’s Second Term, unless the First Black President in History is impeached.- Tuesday (March 11) will be our Official “Political Backstabbers Nominations” E-dition, and we’ll see what our Real E-Mails from Real Subscribers have to say about that.
- Wednesday, (March 12) we’ll be our Official “BackStabber Voting” E-dition, and we’ll see who’s ahead in the balloting.
Thursday (March 13) we’ll be presenting Nefarious Local Political Backstabbers from the Whistleblower, since The Blower’s been at this for a long, long time.- The first line of Friday’s (March 14) limerick is: “Celebrating Political Backstabbers Day.”
- And Saturday (March 15), will finally be our Special “Political Backstabbers Day” E-dition, so don’t say we didn’t warn you.
Remember: We never print all the bad stuff we know and certain people ought to be damn glad we don’t, especially the winner of the Whistleblower’s 2014 Backstabber of the Year Award.
The Libtard Show With Dixon Diaz
WEEK IN REVIEW HOT LINE
e-mail your revolutionary recaps today
Some political score-keeping items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally political score-keeping subscribers, but let’s face it, we could always use a lot more.
Whistleblower Video of the Day
Rand Paul at CPAC: “Not Good Enough To Elect The Lesser Of Two Evils”
(Sent in by Women’s History Month Faux Facebook Friend Jeanie Peter, known to Blower readers as our Pistol-Packing Sensuous Granny)
Note: We guarantee Blackberry subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.
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